Leila Sales is here to answer imaginary questions about music. She just wrote a book!
My adult kickball league requires me to have an ‘At Bat’ song that plays when it’s my turn in the lineup. What will make me sound awesome without overstating my (limited) kickball ability?
“Yes,” by LMFAO, is what I would use as my “at bat” song if I played adult kickball. In fact, I would consider joining an adult kickball league exclusively so I could play “Yes” at every game. Nobody would want me on their team, but WHATEVER. To give you a taste:
“Waking up next to a beautiful girl
I step outside and say hello to my beautiful world
Grandma’s cookin’ breakfast, she makes pancakes the best
I check my myspace and I got a lot of friend requests–yes!”
If that’s not motivating then I don’t know what is.
Me after I make a move toward a kickball and somehow don’t fall on my ass.
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I recently returned to running after a 20-year hiatus. The last time I ran, my favorite running song was Steppenwolf’s “Magic Carpet Ride” (for real! It has a great beat). Can you recommend some more up-to-date running music?
A 20-year hiatus from running is nothing compared to my full-lifetime hiatus. But don’t worry; the fact that I never run (except away from bees) will not stop me from advising you on running music. Sometimes I walk pretty fast, which I hear is a lot like running, and when I do so, these are some of the tracks I listen to:
“Warm California Sun,” by the Rivieras
“Change Your Mind,” by the Killers
“Train in Vain,” by the Clash
“You Only Live Once,” by the Strokes
“Your Love,” by the Outfield
“Too Famous to Get Fully Dressed,” by Butch Walker
“Song Away,” by Hockey
“Rush Hour,” by Jane Wiedlin
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My 4-year-old son used to let me sing him to sleep, but now he says I can’t because I don’t know any “rockin’” songs. Can you recommend a rockin’ bedtime song or two with a simple enough melody for me to handle?
It is a real downer when your preschooler is cooler than you, not least because you know it only gets worse from there. Like if you think he’s an indie snob at the age of four, just wait until he’s a sophomore!
For “rockin’” kid-appropriate songs, you cannot go wrong with the Beatles. I’ve never met a child who doesn’t find Beatles songs fun and entertaining (nor do I ever want to). Just stay away from the ones specifically about violence, like “Happiness Is a Warm Gun” or “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.” This is bedtime, after all. Save those for the car ride into school the next morning.
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Do you have any surefire tricks for getting songs un-stuck from your head?
That’s like asking for surefire tricks to get rid of the hiccups. Drink a glass of ice-cold water upside down while holding your breath and reciting the alphabet backward. That may or may not have any impact.
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Help me settle a dispute: do you think that requesting Ginuwine’s “Pony” at a wedding is a) inappropriate (because there are grandmothers present) or b) a great idea for getting the party started?
There is no inappropriate time for “Pony.” Grandmothers won’t be able to make out the lyrics, and little kids are exposed to way worse these days. At least “Pony” is sort of a metaphor. Not a very subtle one, but still: it could be about riding horses, sort of, if most of your attention is taken up with trying to score a bigger slice of wedding cake and you’re not really listening. It’s tamer than most things Nicki Minaj has ever said or thought, for example.
For all intents and purposes, this is a song about My Little Ponies.
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I recently moved to a new city. It was hard to make friends at first, but I’ve finally found a group of girls that seem like ‘my people.’ The only problem is, they’re major karaoke enthusiasts and I’m tone deaf. I don’t want to decline any invitations this early in the friendship unless I absolutely have to. Do you have any advice for how to seem fun without looking like a total idiot by actually singing in front of people? I’m not shy, I’m just really, really bad.
Here’s the thing about karaoke: it is not a singing contest. It is also not a Broadway musical, or an audition, and anyone who tries to turn it into those things is missing the point. Karaoke has one purpose only, and that is to be FUN.
Choose a song you like, or that you know everyone else likes. Perform it with confidence: stand up in front of everyone, smile, shimmy your hips. Get into it. Encourage people to sing along. Solicit backup dancers (or offer to be a backup dancer for your new friends).
Succeeding at karaoke is like succeeding on a dance floor: sure, people will be impressed if you’re super-talented—but as long as you seem to be having fun, people will want to be near your energy regardless of how talentless you are.
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I’m sick of feeling like a Top 40 drone, but I think I may be that person who only likes something when I hear it a million times on the radio. Do you have a suggestion for someone looking to branch out, but not too far from T. Swift, Beyonce, and the like?
There is no shame in liking Beyonce or Tay Sway or any other Top 40 (except for that song “Uptown Funk,” which is abhorrent). There’s a reason why those artists are popular: it’s because they make great music. I think the issue is not in loving them, but it may be in closing yourself off to other musicians whom you could equally well fall in love with. Here are a few bands I like, who are less overplayed but are also, as far as I’m concerned, recording top-notch pop music:
Phoenix, Little Boots, Cut Copy, Walk the Moon, Hot Chip, the Van She, Dragonette, Passion Pit, Robyn, La Roux, Annie, Architecture in Helsinki. Also Girl Talk, who does awesome mash-ups of songs that you’ll already know.
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My taste in music differs wildly from that of most of my friends. I want to go to live shows, but is it weird if I go alone?
Absolutely not. Best-case scenario, you start talking with people in the audience who do share your taste in music and now maybe you have new show-going friends. Worst-case scenario, you get to experience a band you love without spending the whole time making excuses to your unwilling friends, or apologizing and thanking them for coming, or worrying about whether they’re having an okay time. Recently I went to see Spiritualized alone, because weirdly none of my close friends are into British space rock/gospel—go figure. And I loved it. I just got to bask in the music and the night and it was perfect.
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An overly chatty coworker is always swinging by my office when I have a million things to get done. What highly annoying song do can I surreptitiously switch on to get them to leave quickly?
Usher’s “Yeah” is, objectively speaking, the most annoying song ever recorded. However, if you play it, you run the risk that your co-worker might find it “nostalgic” and will stick around, waxing poetic about the time she grinded to “Yeah” at a summer camp dance. So maybe it’s not the best pick for you.
“So then Matt like kissed me behind Bunk F?! Like with tongue?!”
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I was recently dumped- my ex is coming over to pick up some things tonight, and I’m hoping to win him back. What songs should I ‘just happen’ to have on in the background that will make him feel sentimental and romantic, but don’t seem like they’re trying too hard?
“At My Most Beautiful,” by R.E.M.
“I Hear a Symphony,” by the Supremes
“Up on the Roof,” by the Drifters
“Romeo and Juliet,” by Dire Straits
“God Only Knows,” by the Beach Boys
Or you could forget about trying to win him back, because he probably sucks anyway, and just blast “Your Untouchable Face” by Ani DiFranco, throw his shit out the door, and call it a night.
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Is it ever okay to manipulate your iTunes playlist so that the ‘Most Played’ list reflects cooler music than you actually listen to on the regs? How might one go about that?
For sure. This is a really good and important idea. I also recommend syncing your iTunes to Last.fm so that even strangers on the internet can be aware of how respectable your music taste supposedly is. The way to do it is to put a playlist of cutting-edge indie tunes on loop, mute the volume, and go to sleep. By the time you wake up the next morning, you’ll already seem cooler.
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Sometimes when I’m playing wingman for my single friends, I amuse myself by pretending to be the lead singer of ’90s sensation Len, best known for ‘Steal My Sunshine.’ I feel like this is getting old. Who are some other comparable former B-listers that I might start pretending to be?
Shaggy was an excellent wingman in “It Wasn’t Me.” He’s all, “Your lady caught you cheating? No sweat, my good man. Here’s the trick: tell her she didn’t see you cheating. Problem solved. Let’s get a beer.” We all need a Shaggy on our sides.
Also, how about Blu Cantrell, of “Hit ‘Em Up Style” semi-fame. She, too, was filled with sage wisdom: “Hey ladies, when your man wanna get buckwild, just go back and hit ’em up style. Get your hands on his cash and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times.” Please do this. Your friends will be like, “This bar is dead; let’s take the subway home,” and you’ll be like, “OR let’s steal that dude’s AmEx and take a taxi home ALL THE WAY TO QUEENS.”
Incidentally: I always thought “Steal My Sunshine” was about a girl warning a guy not to get her knocked up, but some cursory research reveals that I 100% just made that up in my own mind. However, that is not stopping me from continuing to spread it around as the truth.
Some guy who may or may not have impregnated some girl.
Hologram 2pac and Hologram Nate Dogg were popular sensations at recent summer music festivals. What deceased musical artist do you think should be the next live performance sensation?
Rod Stewart.
Tags: advice, leila sales, music
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I’m just here because I love seeing Butch Walker mentioned anywhere, anytime. Why isn’t that man just wildly famous? Unf.
I only know him because he produced and co-wrote a lot of Gin Wigmore’s album “Gravel and Wine” (the only album I’ve ever bought because I heard the song on a CAR AD of all places and it was the best decision ever holy cow her voice is the best) and sings on the track “Sweet Hell”. I obviously need to investigate further.
LEN 4 EVAH
I once tweeted that “Steal My Sunshine” was The Song of the Summer 2014, only half jokingly, and LEN THEMSELVES favourited it. It was a real personal achievement for me.
I’m so happy to hear that they are still a band.
I tweeted about Jack Off Jill’s recent reunion, and they favorited that – but dang, I think you win.
I can’t find it now, but I read an interview with the one dude not that long ago. My favourite bit was his explanation for why so much of the video shows them sitting on parked scooters: they spent most of the video budget on booze, and then spent most of the video shoot too drunk to drive the scooters.
I found it!
And I was wrong about the details: the actual change they made due to drunkeness was to get scooters instead of motorbikes. Because apparently someone thought drunk driving a scooter would be significantly less dangerous, which I kind of suspect is wrong, especially given the lack of helmets.
Another highlight: “The Len project was supposed to annoy people, but suddenly we were rock stars. It was really amazing, but fame freaks you out. When people used to come up to me in the street, I thought they were trying to fight me! But they just wanted to tell me how much they loved my song.”
excuse me, “yeah” is a masterpiece.
PEACE UP
A TOWN DOWN
YEAH
OKAY
USHA
usha
usha
If loving “Yeah” is wrong i don’t want to be right
You’re gonna be in your own eyes-closed world eventually at a Spiritualized show anyway, especially if they’re doing “Take Me To The Other Side” for a half hour.
” (except for that song “Uptown Funk,” which is abhorrent)”
Much like how James Taylor’s only worthy endeavor was writing “Steamroller Blues” so Elvis could sing it with James Burton, Bruno Mars and Uptown Funk only exist to bring about a resurgence of “Everybody To The Limit”. He’s done that so he should stop being Bruno Mars now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6IKTNmn3Uo
(and did you get to see Swervedriver recently?)
IT TOOK ME WEEKS to figure out that listening to Uptown Funk was why I suddenly had “Everbody to the Limit” stuck in my head all the time! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT.
OH MY GOD YES. I’ve been singing “Everybody to the Limit” recently and THIS IS WHY.
also I am particularly fond of this cover of Uptown Funk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjRlJvOxIY0
I don’t know how I’ve missed out on Uptown Fhqwhgads up until this point, but it is perfect.
There is also a fantastic mashup out there of the entirety of Daft Punk’s most recent album with Everybody To The Limit. Every song. It’s perfect. I’m at work, otherwise I’d link to the Soundcloud, but it’s so. good.
He DID say “EVERYBODY”.
THAT’S WHAT THAT SONG REMINDS ME OF.
My trick for getting songs un-stuck is to sing the Clone High theme song, which is a massive earworm but has not yet made me want to stab out my eardrums the way, say, the Stars & Stripes Forever does (which is good, because eardrum-stabbing doesn’t actually get rid of songs you can’t hear).
Also, I know these aren’t actually real people asking for advice, but Walk the Moon’s Work This Body is a great song to listen to when you’re thinking about maybe working out at some point.
Easy Lover
Sisqo’s “Thong Song” is my trump card for de-earworming, though I recognize this may feel like chugging Drano to treat a mildly upset tummy. I, however, managed to build up a callous to it in my youth through regular exposure and can listen as necessary. It’s like eating fire, but with the phrase “dumps like a truck” involved.
My go-to is “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson – so catchy it will replace the worst of songs that get stuck in your head.
ummm…i find “Drip, drip drop, little April flowers” to be very useful against ear worms. You know, the one from Bambi. Not really sure why.
I use “Manic Monday” for de-earworming.
I’m sorry, but the most annoying song ever recorded is clearly “The Reason” by Hoobastank. There is nothing redeeming about anything with that song- not the lyrics, not the music itself, not the title, not the name of the band. WORST. SONG. EVER.
Second-most annoying song: “How to Save a Life” by The Fray, which gains bonus Infuriating Points by consistently rhyming words with themselves: talk/talk in the first stanza, right/right in the second, best/best in the third, you/you in the fourth, things/everything in the sixth.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER WORDS THAT RHYME WITH THOSE! Where did you go wrong? When you decided to be such lazy songwriters! That’s why you lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness! I hope someone forces you to eat an entire lemon, including the rind.
COSIGNED
I feel like “The Reason” is less immediately irritating than other contenders, even if it is, ultimately, the worst song ever.
Nope, sorry thanks to the dodgy bar I worked in when I was 18, it’s Ween “Push th Little Daisies”.
I mean, I think saying “Photograph” by Nickelback is probably actually the worst, but saying it out loud too many times would summon that song’s appearance on the radio on your commute home, like Beetlejuice. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Ah, “Untouchable Face”, that brings back way too many memories of angry unrequited crushes in college.
this article made me urgently google rod stewart to see if he was still alive or not. well done.
But Englebert Humperdinck DID just die.
One time my ex walked into the bar right as “I want you back” by the Jackson Five started playing on the jukebox, and I had actually played it, but not because I wanted him back! Because I (or one of my friends) always played it, because it is awesome! Anyway, it was mortifying.
In your defence, it is awesome (the opening section! I listen to that on repeat sometimes).
At last, the opportunity to share my suggestions for how to choose the perfect karaoke song! Assuming you are the sort of person who gets stressed out about this sort of thing, like me, and not the sort of person who will just get up there for any damn thing.
– Know at least 95% of the words
– More or less in your vocal range and/or level of commitment – you probably cannot hit Freddie Mercury’s high notes but sufficient enthusiasm will negate this if you go all-in
– Well-known enough that most people will probably be able to sing along
– Fun enough that they will want to
– Doesn’t just repeat the chorus 80000 times. “Bills Bills Bills” seems like a perfect karaoke song until you end up singing the same three lines for the entire last two minutes.
The B-52s are great karaoke songs for people who can’t really sing all that much. My brother always relies on Rock Lobster, because who doesn’t like Rock Lobster, and you don’t actually have to sing to do Rock Lobster. Love Shack has more recognizability, but it does involve more singing, so take that into account.
Oh god, if we’re talking about abhorrent or annoying songs, Rock Lobster is at the top of my list. By miles and miles.
Also, make sure the vocals lend themselves to performance. I once decided it would be fun to sing Britney Spears’ “Boys” at karaoke in a packed gay bar. Only to realize that the breathy half singing/half talking delivery is almost impossible to pull off in a karaoke session and I felt so damm uncomfortable.
Longest three minutes of my life.
i would like to add that i am tone deaf and i solve this problem by refusing to perform any song at karaoke except for “shoop” by salt n pepa, which i can safely (and masterfully) rap.
YES! i was about to say pretty much this, except I also have another trick: since I am an outrageous exhibitionist, I also do Divinyls “I Touch Myself” and make it about me hamming up the sexiness. This, of course, will be my second song, when it’s all gone round the room and everyone is deep into their cups enough to find this hilarious.
I had a friend who was a nerdy, sarcastic, nearing-middle-age indie rock snob. One night after a few beers he got up and did a high falsetto rendition of Prince’s “Kiss” complete with the dance moves from the video. It brought down the house.
Along these lines, “Informer” by Snow. “Valley Girl” is an option that also does not involve singing.
For this reason, Dolly Parton’s Jolene will always be the most perfect karaoke song (as long as you ditch the mic before the warbling “JooLEEeeeEEEne right before it ends).
I have a note on my phone with all the karaoke songs I know I can sing reasonably well, and occasionally edit or categorize by the kind of occasion it is. (“Just broke up with my boyfriend” karaoke is different than “bachelorette party” karaoke, but not as different as you might think.)
In other news, I should probably go get diagnosed for OCD.
I go to concerts by myself all the time! I always bring a book to read between bands, which is actually a great conversation starter (even with band members if you’re up front).
Is there any breakup that “Untouchable Face” can’t make better? I once dumped a guy and listened to that on repeat for days, despite the lyrics making no actual sense if you are the dumper rather than the dumpee.
(Actually, if you’re dumping someone but still want to feel righteous about it, the Ani song for that is “Swim.” Having an Ani song for any situation is a leftover talent of mine from my teens and 20s.)
You take that back about Uptown Funk! 🙁
I remember a spirited debate before our wedding about how much gangsta rap was too much for a reception. We landed on “some gangsta rap should be fine,” and it was. We went with Tupac and M.O.P. (and also Azealia Banks’s classic “212,” which is all kinds of filthy) and my mom was like, “I’ve never seen you dance like that before! It was hypnotic!”
So, yeah, “inappropriate” has no meaning at the right kind of wedding.
SOMEONE ELSE WHO LOVES SPIRITUALIZED
wow i am happy
I went to see the Mountain Goats by myself and while I felt super awkward when I first arrived, once they started it was great and it was much easier to maneuver myself to a good spot. By the time we all climaxed with “No Children” I had this total no-words-needed agreement of euphoria with the dude beside me. That was pretty cool.
I have seen them by myself multiple times!
I love seeing live shows by myself, but TAKE HEED – if it’s a standing show and you’re near the front, you won’t be able to go to the bathroom/buy a new beer/etc. without losing your spot, unless you ingratiate yourself to the strangers around you. That’s pretty much the only downside, though, and you can just drink slowly…
Very good and true advice!
If you’re into pop, you can’t go wrong with Janelle Monae. She leans a little to the jazz side on her earlier albums if you want to start branching out too.
After we said our vows, as we walked out, Sit On My Face was playing. Not with lyrics. It was awesome, because those who knew it got a great laugh, and those who didnt thought those who were laughing to be crazy.
Not only is he alive, but he is PLAYING IN MY FAIR CITY this summer as part of our giant music festival of Zombie Oldsters! The entire town is thrilled! Except for me. Lite Hits for the win!
(The festival is being held in a park on top of a dump. It doesn't get any more symbolic than that.)
I am so glad I have permission to request Pony at any/all weddings I attend from now until I expire. It will be even funnier when/if I am one day VERY pregnant at one of those weddings.
I have an Ani song for every breakup. The latest was So What. Ugh.
“You Only Live Once” is one of my running songs! It works well.