The Forgotten Brontë Sister

Sisters Charlotte, Emily, and Anne Brontë, pictured here with their lesser-known sibling, ENERGY-BEAM BRONTË.

ENERGY BEAM BRONTE

Charlotte Brontë: “No mockery in this world ever sounds to me so hollow as that of being told to cultivate happiness. What does such advice mean? Happiness is not a potato, to be planted in mould, and tilled with manure. Happiness is a glory shining far down upon us out of Heaven. She is a divine dew which the soul, on certain of its summer mornings, feels dropping upon it from the amaranth bloom and golden fruitage of Paradise.”

Emily Brontë: “I have dreamt in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind.”

Anne Brontë: “There is always a ‘but’ in this imperfect world.”

ENERGY BEAM BRONTË: MMMMZEEEEP MMMMZZZZZZOOORP

Charlotte Brontë: “I can be on guard against my enemies, but God deliver me from my friends!”

Emily Brontë: “I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me.

Anne Brontë: “He that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.”

ENERGY BEAM BRONTË: ZZZZZZEEP TRANSMISSION INITIATED ZZZZZZOOOPP

Charlotte Brontë: “Novelists should never allow themselves to weary of the study of real life.”

Emily Brontë: “Having leveled my palace, don’t erect a hovel and complacently admire your own charity in giving me that for a home.”

Anne Brontë: “Keep both heart and hand in your own possession, till you see good reason to part with them; and if such an occasion should never present itself, comfort your mind with this reflection: that, though in single life your joys may not be very many, your sorrows, at least, will not be more than you can bear.”

ENERGY BEAM BRONTË: GLEEEEEEEEEOOORP ZZZZZZZ

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45 Comments

  1. wallpaperori +184

    “Forgotten” is a strong term for an author whose work played every time a cassette tape was rewound.

  2. Mike_Bevel +21

    Have you read the bonkers bio of Branwell Bronte by Daphne DuMaurier? SO! MUCH! INFIDELITY! And then the alcoholism/tuberculosis sets in.

    1. Felicity +5

      I stumbled upon it at Powell’s recently and my mind was so blown at its very existence I have not been able to crack it open yet. But SO EXCITED.

  3. cosetthetable +43

    I really want there to be other things tagged “YES I KNOW IT’S BRANWELL”, but I honestly can’t come up with anything else. Was there maybe a L’Engle character named Branwell in the one where Meg’s pregnant and Charles Wallace is hanging out with a unicorn and Welsh immigrants?

    1. laylapalooza +27

      I think there’s a Branwen and a Brandon and a Branzillo. Oooohhhhh, that book.

      1. houblonchouffe +17

        And Zylle, Zillah, Zillie. All related.

        Fluffy-pink-hearts at A Swiftly Tilting Planet.

        1. cosetthetable +14

          In retrospect, aSTP probably was good preparation for reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

    2. wallpaperori +19

      I thought when I learned more history that book would make more sense, but it… doesn’t.

      1. cosetthetable +49

        I was definitely one of those kids who read lots of things that were at my reading level but were a higher life experience/maturity level than I had yet attained…. Which meant that much of what I read, I was just assuming that certain things I didn’t understand made perfect sense somehow,I just didn’t understand yet.

        I wonder how much of the time I was just…. wrong.

          1. cosetthetable +6

            OMG, I remember the farandolae as such annoying little fuckers.

            I have read and reread Wrinkle in Time a LOT (easily double digits). I have even re-read Swiftly Tilting Planet a number of times, although not recently. I think I read Wind in the Door about three times. I may need to reread it when I get home, though, just to see if they really were as obnoxious as I’m remembering.

          2. wallpaperori +16

            I really wish that farandolae was one of the fake answers in AP Bio tests, because afterwards scores could come with a little note, just going ‘…really?’

          3. freshwaterpearl +9

            That one was kind of my favorite out of those three, though I couldn’t readily tell you why. I agree Sporos was annoying, but I was enchanted by the farandolae otherwise. And I loved the cherubim.

          4. cosetthetable +9

            … Was there a whole thing about how artists painted the cherubim as chubby babies but they were, instead, actually dragons?

            I have no idea how much of aSTP and aWitD I have accurately remembered, and how much I have misremembered, and since we currently live in The Future I realize I could easily google at least some of these things, but somehow trying to recreate what happened from these half-memories seems much more satisfying.

          5. freshwaterpearl +15

            Charles Wallace thinks it’s a dragon before they get a good look at it, but it’s actually an enormous spherical being of many wings and scales and eyes. It is A Cherubim, because it’s obviously too plural to be simply a cherub. It has a Greek name (Proginoskes?) and Meg calls it Progo. I think it’s a thousand years old or something, meaning it’s only a child, and it has a…tutor?…who’s a very, very tall skinny non-human person. Where did any of this come from? WHO KNOWS, but I found it entirely compelling.

          6. EuterpesDelight +6

            Weren’t the cherubim the floating balls of eyes and wings? And yes, we must agree never to google these kinds of questions or the internet wins.

          7. cosetthetable +11

            freshwaterpearl has confirmed the balls of eyes and wings for us, but CW *thought* it was a dragon at first, which is either reasonable because large creatures with wings are plausibly dragons, or is batshit, because seriously, how many wings could a dragon possibly have. I haven’t yet decided how I feel about this, other than it’s Monday, and I would really rather devote the next half hour to thinking seriously about epistemology and semiotics as they relate to dragons, rather than doing my job. I don’t even really feel like my lack of knowledge about epistemology and semiotics is a problem here, and that’s probably a warning sign.

          8. houblonchouffe +7

            CW thought Progo was multiple dragons, or at least CW called Progo “dragons” when they first met.

            (sorry sorry sorry am in the middle of re-reading the whole series due to having found these in my library’s used-book pile, they are literally in perfect condition, I think Many Waters had never been opened before Friday night)

          9. cosetthetable +9

            Please do not be apologetic about helping me avoid Real Work with this crowdsourced version of L’Engle books.

            Also, I have that version of Many Waters.

          10. leslieellenjones +1

            I had scrolled down to a point where I saw your words, and about the top quarter of the picture, and I was really waiting for a Pergo joke there …

        1. wallpaperori +7

          Oh, yeah. Also, I read a lot of mysteries, where authors would stretch facts in order to make plots work. I also just liked books of facts as a child, and found The Book of Lists, by the Wallace/Wallechinsky family. Most of it was pretty accurate, but one of the authors (Amy Wallace? I can’t find a source online) was also part of a group of psychics, who contacted, say, Oscar Wilde to ask him what his ideal dinner party guests would be. So, in retrospect, all the information was probably suspect.

          1. cosetthetable +7

            I think that I, too, owned that book. I probably proudly bought it at a library sale for $.50 (rather than a quarter, because it would have been hardcover).

            I also treasured the copy of the Ancient Mysterious Phenomenon book that I checked out about a dozen times before I found it at one of the book sales. I only ever read the handful of full color illustrated pages about ley lines and Stonehenge, probably presented completely uncritically, because that was during my phase of TOTALLY wanting to be a druid.

            This resulted in such SNs as “PentlandFirth” and “MyrddinsPrecint”. That latter one was supposed to be MyrrdinsPrecinct, (note the extra c), but I was also a bad speller, and by the time I’d noticed it, I already had a lot of posts on that message board…….

            Well this has been a mortifying trip down memory lane.

  4. Mrs_Peel +10

    Are we sure that’s not a Star Trek-style transporter? Maybe they’re taking turns beaming to Bognor Regis or somewhere for a holiday.

  5. Sean_Sullivan +88

    What’s everybody’s favorite Energy-Beam Brontë novel? I know it’s hokey as hell, but I’ve been fond of The Distress of Mistress de Strisse ever since I saw the ’87 BBC adaptation in eighth grade English class. Jenny Agutter made a fantastic Melissa, and no one has ever played VRRRRMMM BLORT-BLORT with as much subtlety and insight as Julian Sands.

    1. Mrs_Peel +49

      *SPOILERS*

      The climactic scene with the exploding control panel still makes me cry.

      Also, I hear the Criterion Collection is currently remastering the 1967 version with Sir John Gielgud and Robot from Lost in Space . Look for the Blu-Ray soon!

  6. somenerdygirl +18

    But seriously, why does Branwell look like he’s being beamed aboard the Enterprise?

    1. Mrs_Peel +23

      He’s negotiating a treaty between the Romulans and the Planet Where People Wear 1850s Clothes and Also Have Slightly Funny Foreheads.

      1. winterbymorning +27

        I was hoping that Branwell had committed some unspeakably scandalous and vile deed that required a full-out damnatio memoriae 🙁

    1. Mrs_Peel +56

      Little-known fact: Anne Brontë was actually half energy beam, and Charlotte only narrowly dissuaded her from naming her novel The Tenant of Gleepzorp Hall .

  7. msdewinter

    You have exactly described my experience of many many books, as well as the video for Duran Duran's "Wild Boys".
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M43wsiNBwmo

    I revisited that video last year and it was a great relief to my childhood self to realize that although I failed to understand some adult things because they had a subtext requiring adult experience, I failed to understand other adult things because they MADE NO SENSE.

  8. hussified +9

    Just laughed so hard and so long that my (male) coworker came in to see what was so funny. He didn’t appreciate it nearly as much as I did. So I sent him the tag for all the Western Art History posts and sent him merrily on his way.