Everything Wrong With Greek Mythology In One Painting -The Toast

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You’re a person, I’ll assume you’re broadly familiar with the fall of the Titans, but for a quick catch-up, let me bring you up to speed on “The Mutilation Of Uranus By Saturn,” a 16th-century painting by Giorgio Vasari. Uranus being the father of the Titans by way of Gaia, but also the father of the enormously-less popular Cyclopses and the hundred-handed Centimanes, whom he imprisoned in Tartarus shortly after their births by virtue of their being right disgusting.

FINE. Okay. This upsets Gaia, who demands that one of her Titan sons castrate his father with a flint sickle, and the only one to take her up on the offer is Cronus (of future baby-eating fame), and the rest of the siblings watch as he overthrows his father.

Which, so far, is pretty standard-issue messed up Greek mythology stuff. AND YET. Please pay careful attention to the ladies on the far right, watching their brother forcibly castrate their father with a sharp piece of stone.


One of them is rubbing her nipples. She is watching her brother castrate her father in front of the whole family, and her response is to rub her nipples.

Whichever one of you is the last to leave, please be sure to turn out the lights behind you.



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