Ever find yourself thinking about how small you are, compared to the rest of the universe? Here are some solutions. I am an expert.
Grab a pencil. You’re way bigger than that thing! Yeah, wave it around. Nice.
DO NOT LOOK AT THE SKY. REPEAT: THE SKY IS YOUR ENEMY
Light a match. You are master of the flame. Mazel tov.
DO NOT look too deeply into the flames. You will see only the inside of your own mind. Dark, terrible things. Do not seek the truth as there is only one: everything dies.
Find something that’s kind of heavy but not too heavy. Pick it up, throw it around. You’re manipulating space-time! Functionally, you are God.
DO NOT JUMP. You will not go as far as you want. You are a prisoner on this garbage Earth.
Hold your hands up and wiggle your fingers around. You are the master of your own body! Wow.
DO NOT think about how every one of your bodily functions is largely involuntary or how your conscious mind is but a sliver of your brain, the same one that’s likely already decaying. Death is inevitable, sure, but those fingers are wigglin’ up a storm!
Acquire an animal that will die without you. This can be a human. You are IMPORTANT.
Do not look at pictures of other animals or humans that are doing just fine and will never know you exist, nor admire your works. Will they mourn your death? No. No more than you mourn the death of a star in a distant universe, dead for a thousand thousand years before the unfortunate coincidence of your birth. Yeah, better not look at the pictures.
Tags: philosophy i guess, teeny tiny stuff, you are very small
Bigger than you are.
When I jump, I always go exactly as far as I want to, neither too far, nor not far enough.
Are you a wizard?
Yes. I have both jump magic, and dance magic.
So you are David Bowie / The Goblin King (functionally the same thing)?
I am definitely not saying that, in the same way that I am also not saying that I have a castle in the center of an intricate labyrinth full of traps and puzzles and weird monsters.
Never acknowledge birds. Those jerks think they’re so great just because they can fly, but they’re not. You’ll show them. Ostriches and other flightless birds are okay.
Watch out for the birds though, they know how to go right for the eyes.
But ostriches are probably bigger than you. And scarier.
After reading this I started feeling a bit guilty for constantly telling my kitty “You’re soooo small! You’re the smalllllllest!” but tininess-induced angst doesn’t seem to keep her awake at night (or morning, or afternoon).
I also inform my cat regularly that he is small and has a tiny face. It is important that he knows this.
I’m already smaller/shorter than most of the people around me, but I think I unconsciously cultivate friends who are even smaller. It works out for me.
I’m so used to being the smallest person in a group that I feel gangly and awkward whenever a smaller person is around. Like, what is this, how am I supposed to talk to you while looking down at the same time?
I find it incredibly jarring to be around people who are shorter than me; as a 5’0” person the sensation of looking down at other adults is not one I am used to.
Your self-portraits are really good, Matt.
Even the hair!
How did you know this is why I woke up at 2 am and could not go back to sleep?
I am definitely not saying that, in the same way that I am also not saying that I have a castle in the center of an intricate labyrinth full of traps and puzzles and weird monsters.
Personally, I take great comfort in my smallness relative to the universe. My influence is limited to my particular segment of existence, and the fate of the cosmos doesn’t hang on my ability to accomplish tasks in a timely and straightforward manner. I will die, and the universe will continue, and I appreciate the freedom this gives me.
That is brilliant, and just want I wanted to read today. Thanks!
The cosmos: you almost certainly aren’t going to break it.
That is brilliant, and just want I wanted to read today. Thanks!
if you do come across any pictures of the expanded universe, galaxies, illustrated guides to human:star ratios, etc, give them to a tall person and get them to place them on a high shelf you can’t reach. This will serve a dual purpose: it will remove the danger of such contemplation from your immediate vicinity, and also if someone who CAN reach that shelf chooses to examine them it will help them to realise that they too are tiny and insignificant and that cosmically speaking they’re exactly the same size as you, the stupid tall top-shelf-reaching bastards, NOW who’s an adorable pocket-person, huh? ALL OF US.
(I am on the average/tall side for a ladyperson, but my dad is 6’7″ and my mum is 5’2″ so I have a certain level of proxy insight into both ends of the height spectrum.)
Same here! I’m the average 5’9″ for women on both sides of my familiy. My dad is 6’2″ (he’s the shortest of his brothers), and my mom is 5’1″, so I am also aware of the unique challenges faced by both large and tiny people.