KARL MARX: [running up the stairs] more like crapitalism
HENRIETTA MARX: what was that?
KARL MARX: nothing

 

HENRIETTA MARX: have you cleaned your room yet
KARL MARX: it is the resident of the room who should determine when and with what methods the room should be cleaned
HENRIETTA MARX: just make sure it’s clean before you go out
KARL MARX: ugh
fine
i hope you end up like industrial capitalism
and destroy yourself
HENRIETTA MARX: what was that?
KARL MARX: i hope you end up like industrial capitalism
and are
fine

 

KARL MARX: [skateboards in to the back of the class]
TEACHER: you’re late
KARL MARX: yeah
sorry
TEACHER: go to the office for a tardy pass
KARL MARX: but i’m already here
if i go to the office i’ll be even later
and miss out on all the learning
TEACHER: go to the office, Karl
KARL MARX: [skateboarding] this is the real class struggle

 

HENRIETTA MARX: where do you think you’re going
KARL MARX: to my room
to write more poems for Jenny von Westphalen
HENRIETTA MARX: well while you’re up there
you might as well clean the room if you’re going to be doing poems in it
KARL MARX: i’ll do it LATER
HENRIETTA MARX: i left the cleaning supplies outside your door
you’ll do it now
KARL MARX: wow mom
it’s the MEANS of production
not the CRUELS of production
HENRIETTA MARX: either you clean your room
or i’ll do it for you
and the way i clean your room
means you won’t have any bags of marijuana left in it when i’m finished
KARL MARX: WHY DON’T YOU MAKE LIKE THE RULING CLASS IN THE WAKE OF POPULAR UPRISINGS AND GET OFF MY BACK

 

HENRIETTA MARX: Karl
would you like to explain why i found this in your bag this morning?
KARL MARX: it’s not mine
i swear
HENRIETTA MARX: oh, Karl
it’s CLEARLY your opiates
KARL MARX: no honestly its not
i was holding it for someone else
HENRIETTA MARX: who
KARL MARX: the masses
HENRIETTA MARX: well
i am just going to call every single person in the masses’ mother and see about that
KARL MARX: why cant you just believe me FOR ONCE
HENRIETTA MARX: you expect me to believe you’re holding drugs for the entire masses?
Karl, you have one friend and his name is Friedrich
he has a patchy beard and he drinks all our milk every time he comes over and he never offers to buy any more
KARL MARX: i have other friends
HENRIETTA MARX: “the workers” do not count as friends
KARL MARX: I AM A FRIEND TO EVERY WORKER IN THE WORLD
HENRIETTA MARX: then why didn’t any of them come to your birthday party
KARL MARX: because theyre ALIENATED, MOM
like me