The Marin Crossbody Bag, $66 with code “DAYMAKER” (was $128) It’s festival season, y’all. Personally, I find the term offensive. Every season is festival season if you’re willing to go to whatever festival is happening. Right now in California we’ve got a Renaissance Pleasure Faire (yes, “pleasure” is in the name), Coachell-ugh, and a bunch of film festivals because no one out here has a real job. Here’s what you’re going to wear or cram into this bag for the day!
Brave Soul Daisy Print Cotton Sun Dress, $25 (was $45) Cute. Flowy. Breathable. Correct.
Patagonia Better Clogs, $67.50 (were $135) You can think these are ugly; that’s fine. Festivals are all about sensible choices that confound your friends with their cuteness. “How does she do it?,” they’ll ask themselves. She does it by using her brain.
Cotton Spandex Jersey Unitard, $38 This is my secret festival weapon. It rolls up into the size of a hefty pair of socks and saves your cold, cold ass after the sun goes down. Might also be a good idea to grab one of these:
Mila Fringe Poncho, $17.40 (was $58) If this ends up in the garbage bin at Lollapalooza, who cares? It cost you as much as one glass of festival wine. Unless you have this on ya:
Sunscreen Flask, $9.99 You should also bring real sunscreen, though.
e.l.f. Studio SPF 45 Sunscreen Powder, $12.88 Powder sun protection won’t mess up your makeup like the liquid stuff. Related: My kid hates sunscreen and thinks it’s called “scum scream.”
Sephora Express Dry Shampoo, $7 Your hair is gonna be the first thing to go. The main complaint about this particular miniature can of dry shampoo, according to reviewers, is that it runs out pretty quickly. What do you expect!?
Diamond Bindi Ring, $199 (was $518) OK, this is not really festival-related, but plenty of people get engaged at these things. For real. People propose marriage to other people at disgusting festivals and those other people say “yes.” Has this happened to you? If it has, let’s hope you at least got a piece of jewelry as lovely as this out of it.
Festival proposals combine two of my personal nightmares: giant crowds of people gathered together on hot days, and public marriage proposals.
Preach!
Yeah, large crowds of drunk/high strangers are my vision of actual hell.
GPOY
Public marriage proposals are also my vision of actual hell. Combine the two, and this is an epic fail of nightmare proportions.
I went to a Burning Man associated festival a few years ago and witnessed a wedding. It was quite a sight.
The actual wedding wouldn’t bother me as much. It’s the public proposal, with everybody secretly hoping the proposee will say no, aacckkk, the PRESSURE!
You hope that they say no? That’s terrible!
wait. there are burning man spinoffs? ay yi yi.
Yeah and they are generally cheaper and IMO better than Burning Man. Burning Man costs like $1000 just to get in, plus the cost of renting an RV, food, water, etc. The one I go to costs $50 and it’s a long weekend. Much cheaper. I think I would be overwhelmed by the scale and time commitment of going to Burning Man. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_regional_Bu…
My friend and I like to do an annual fun-Christmas-things day. Two years in a row we witnessed a public proposal, and we HATE public proposals. The second time it happened, my friend turned to me and moaned, “Why does this keep happening to us?”
The idea that these proposals were less about the couple and more about our personal hell cracked up me up and I started laughing inappropriately loudly. But, dude, if you don’t want your proposal to be ruined by loud laughter, don’t do it in public!
“Why does this keep happening to us?”
That would be my reaction too, ha!
Couple years ago I was on a plane and this guy got up, had the flight attendant give him the microphone, told everyone that he and his girlfriend were getting married in [state] in [month], THEN proposed. Why on earth would you publicly propose to someone you’re already engaged to? He kept apologizing the whole time so I wonder if his fiancee put it up to him, SHE needed a public marriage proposal. If that’s true then buddy, don’t marry her.
Because no one understands the meaning of “engaged” and “proposed” anymore. If you are publicly proposing, deliberately engaging the attention of spectators, and not actually incurring any risk of rejection while making your case (and I personally think that bringing public humiliation in as a persuasion tactic is dirty pool, but whatever), you aren’t actually “proposing.” You are “showing off.”
I’m planning on a proposal at a show, even though we bought the rings together. We’re both planning a big proposal, because it will be a fun once in a lifetime thing that will make us both happy.
Oh man, I was proposed to in private, but I kind of wish it had been in public. Like at a professional sports event! I like attention.
THAT BAG
RIGHT? I need another bag like I need another hole in my head but I’m not shitting you it’s taking every ounce of self-control I’ve got to not order that thing.
Same. Sigh.
same. I just bought a new purse bag. But that’s because I didn’t know this one existed.
I KEEP GOING BACK TO LOOK AT IT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I bought it, I had to. It called to me.
Thank you! Perhaps it will sell out before my will weakens any further.
I also bought one, just to help you.
Is that bag large enough to fit a paperback book? I’m bad w/ dimensions. (Priorities are less festival related and more subway/outdoor reading related
I measured it against a bag I have now that fits books easily and I would say definitely yes paperback. It’s about a foot long-ways so you could even fit a subway sandwich in there!
Thank you! Off to buy!
probably unwise to fit a book and a sandwich at the same time though.
Especially tuna.
It truly does not look almost twice as long as it is high (13.75×7.5) but there are no reviews calling out the dimensions as wrong, so it oughta be?
I already have almost that bag and am hunting for its big sister for days when I need to cart more stuff around.
Fortunately/unfortunately, it looks like Madewell may have the big sister….
I KNOW I don’t even like carrying purses and yet I need it
Me, too, what is wrong with me???!?
Is a Renaissance Pleasure Faire the same as a regular Renaissance Faire? Or is it like…for adults.
Knowing what I know about RenFesters, even a regular Renaissance Faire is for adults.
the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire is *definitely* an all-ages thing but I have suggested to them on numerous occasions that they should consider “Adults-Only Nights”, I think there is a good market for that.
TAKE MY MONEY!
I need to go back to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire… it is magical. I have distinct memories of making myself a full medieval peasant outfit (tiny theland got INTO things) and watching a steady parade of parents march their children out of the Wench and Squires Auction. Good times.
The one time I went was when I was a kid (maybe early teen). What do I remember from it? Two people in garb kissing VERY DEEPLY. So maybe both?
All I can think of is dragon dildos.
Like all the time or just now?
lolololol
actual teary laughter happening over here
Just now, really.
Well yeah, all of us, NOW….
A la Bad Dragon? Check it out. It’s terrifying: they use a soda can for scale.
As someone who used to work at a Ren Faire, I can tell you it 100% depends on the management. Some of them are freakish prudes (like the ones who run the faire where I worked which is why that is past tense) and some of them let things slide that I would never in a million years (even though I was one of the organizers for the 21+ ticketed bawdy show at my local faire for seven years).
The only way to really find out the climate of a particular faire is just take your changes and go find out.
It’s a regular one! A very, very good one. I already have two tickets (for myself).
Crying with laughter. I love you.
I have worked that Faire, and I did not get “pleasured” for my efforts. So it is either a regular Ren Faire, or I was doing it wrong.
I went to A Festival once and didn’t know what I was in for so I just packed lots of nice sensible camping clothes and subsequently got laughed at by a group of strange teenagers who called me Spandex the whole weekend every time they saw me. Where was this Bargain Bin then, huh?
There’s a scene in Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers where Lord Peter takes Harriet punting on the Thames and she’s wearing a long-sleeved linen outfit and the poor college girls are in bathing suits and Harriet is cool and comfortable whereas the college girls are sunburnt and mosquito-bitten. It’s one of the best scenes to prove the benefits of being over thirty and being practical.
Scum scream. Perfect.
Seconding That Bag. Also: those clogs!!!! I die.
If I owned that unitard I would wear it every day, no one would ever be able to peel it off me
Brava, Jane!!!
But, um, how do you go to the bathroom in it without stripping–which is tough enough in a real, clean restroom?
Could you maybe just pull it down around your knees and hold the tank part in your lap?
I would also totes love that little dress if I were 50 pounds lighter and 4 cup sizes smaller.
Yeps. If I were a completely different human, that dress would be mine.
All of summer is me staring at other women’s dresses and being like “but what are your boobs doing?”
I have friends who got engaged during the silent disco at bonnaroo and it was actually super cute. pretty sure it was with a ring pop or something though because her actual engagement ring is an elaborate family heirloom… I don’t think they would have endangered it at a festival (mess-tival? filth-tival? something like that)
Hate festivals; love the bag; bought it in red.
they have it in red?? ohhhhh noo.
The red is even called “thai chili”–it’s exotic.
It’s sooooo beauuuuutiful
Oh shiz, now I have to buy it.
I’m so sad looking at reviews of the sunscreen powder, since it seems like it’s too dark for us truly pale folks. Who thought this through? Why deny those of us most in need of your succor, e.l.f.? Whyyyyyyyyyy??
Well, if you are really pale, my local health food store has mineral makeup (which essentially *is* SPF) in Goth White. I bet etsy does, too. The basic minerals for SPF powder are blue white titanium dioxide and white zinc, so….
Thoughts/questions:
1) Has “festival” always been a genre of clothing? I don’t remember hearing of it before 2-3 years ago, and now I get, like, Macy’s ads on Facebook about “festival looks.” But I’m not sure if that’s because it’s genuinely a new term or just because I live in California now.
2) I keep seeing things, liking them, and then noticing from the copy that they are ’70s inspired. (Like that beautiful bag.) I’m so confused by this, I never thought I liked the ’70s before, what is happening to me.
Kinda new – about the same time that the Winniepeg Folk Fest got taken over by bros on m instead of fun hippies who would give teenagers acid for free. So like 2010ish
Blame the Youtube guru crowd who took it upon themselves to start doing massive ~festival~ hauls full of boho clothing that they’ll never wear again
you guys, buy that unitard. do it. i became a unitard person last year and my life is different and better.
Alternately, I have this jumpsuit from ModCloth, which is similar but might do the job better depending on your body type/what you plan to use it for. (It’s more voluminous in the waist/hips, so it doesn’t work as well under a dress or skirt.) It’s amazing and so comfortable. I’m kind of tempted to buy the unitard, too, though I wish it were still available in non-black.
Yes! And it’s one of the few times that AA is at an actually reasonable price point. Dance wear unitards are usually $30-40 as well.
Does it pose the same challenge as a romper though, mainly having to disrobe entirely to pee?
it does, though it’s never bothered me. i wear something over it (a shirt, a vest, a dress) so that stays around my neck, plus some type of bra underneath. so there are more steps to get out of it than with pants, but i don’t ever feel Nude In Public.
(but also, if the trade-off is no waistband constricting my soft parts, i’m fine with being nude in a bathroom stall.)
Another jumpsuit option, it can be worn a billion ways and is made in the USA: http://www.seamly.co/collections/all/products/con…
*covets but is poor*
Mmmm, looked at it, looks nice, but that thing has a SEVEN-MINUTE TUTORIAL VIDEO so: no, just no.
I need some new clogs, are those…good? Like, to wear in a normal day and not ever to a festival?
They look good, and like they’d be fine for normal-day wear! I’m very tempted by them, because I love my Danskos but BOY are they ankle-rolly. (And my ankles already suck and really don’t need any encouragement to roll.)
Oh, damn. My ankles suck too.
I have the boot version of these – they’re great and I wear them all the time.
Yes, I wear them all the time. They are my go-to shoes!
Wait, the clogs actually go up to a size eleven? *A* MY BANK ACCOUNT SAYS NO BUT MY LOVE OF SENSIBLE COMFY SHOES SAYS YES
Also, I know I stopped trying to be the daughter my parents ordered almost a decade ago, but… how long has powder sunscreen been A Thing? I would have KILLED for that in high school. (Hell, I’m starting to feel comfortable wearing makeup again, I’m glad I don’t have to kill for it now!) I feel like I should have heard about this so much sooner.
Sadly powder sunscreen is not really the most effective type out there… It’s nearly impossible to wear enough/get even enough coverage for it to provide the SPF it claims. So stick to your lotions, folks!
My experts tell me that it’s great to top off a lotion base, but you are right. It doesn’t form a film, so you are missing micropatches
I never thought I would say this, but I am definitely considering buying that unitard if I don’t blow all my money on records tonight. I am a fucking hipster. Ugh.
How do you pee when you’re wearing that unitard? Or do people just not pee at festivals? This is why i’m not allowed at festivals.
This was my question. I’m going to Memphis in May music fest at the end of the month and I’m trying to picture myself wrangling that in a port-a-potty.
My low-rent solution for this would be cut a hole Y-front style and just go commando so you can tuck things aside but that may or may not be the solution for you. Also I am terrible and just pee in the bushes at festivals usually.
Wrong. A unitard is a TERRIBLE choice for a festival because peeing in a port-a-potty is hard enough without having to get COMPLETELY NAKED in order to do so.
Bindi…. ring?
The aggressive wrongness with which the festival set appropriates is neverending.
first of all. i wish you had posted this last week because that flask would have been a kicker. second of all, s/o bought tix to coachella before we were ever dating and now we are a full 7 months into our relationship and i am going to coachella with him and i am dreading it. any other toasties going?
Bindi…. ring? Oh no.
(sorry if this is a multiple post, and this is in no way an indictment of the bringer of bargains, just more a grating frustration over the ceaseless practices of exotification/appropriation that seems to be inextricably enmeshed with festival culture)
i feel a strong connection to that unitard. i can’t even think of a single situation in which i would wear it (apart from maybe yoga in the privacy of my own home) and yet i am powerless against it.
As a middle-aged Midwesterner, “festival season” means Greek church festivals, and I was wondering why you needed to get dressed up to eat souvlaki and baklava sundaes.
Where do I get me one of these baklava sundaes? Ok, six of them.
This. OMG, this, yes, how did I not previously know that baklava sundaes were a thing?
That dress is darn near identical to the vintage one my daughter wore today to the Nineties dance at her middle school. Except in the Nineties, we wore those over a little white T shirt. The way it’s styled here, between the low-slung neckline and the thin spaghetti straps and the utter lack of a bra, it’s a matter of MINUTES before a boob just goes flying.
Yes, had that same dress in the 90’s from Lloyd center mall. Wore it over a tiny white t shirt.
Other looks: flannel or vintage jeweled cardigan over a slip. W boots. So inadvertently grunge, we didn’t even have mtv.
Didn’t realize I should have hung on to these clothes for my daughter’s 90’s danced, mind blown that this is a thing!
I was just thinking, I’m pretty sure I wore that exact same dress in 1997, over a tiny white t-shirt, with a hemp necklace.
And I have definitely seen a fashion pinterest or magazine board with the little white tee shirt included, so maybe those are back? (I already see the doc marten’s with them, bestill my heart)
I have seen people out in the wild wearing sundresses with t-shirts underneath!
I also wore it to a party without a tshirt in 1995 and kissed A Boy. The boob thing was a feature back then too.
Unless if you were an A-cupped waif, a little white T-shirt was mandatory. And WTF the 90s are vintage? Gonna go cry now…
You have to use a lot of powder before it provides effective SPF protection. Stick to your cream sunscreens.