By Daniel Mallory Ortberg

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

  1. The signs Ronbledore has left behind for those who know how to look are not merely in the works of Harry Potter. They are everywhere. You did not see them before you knew how to look; you could not look for them before you were taught how to see.

    143 comments
  2. I'm rewatching the first two seasons again and I've never been more jam-packed with feelings! 2002!

    28 comments
  3. You know the dangers of such latitude of plan in any but the best conducted Journal!

    Life is a cup! And what does one do with a cup? ONE DRINKS FROM IT FULL-THROATEDLY AND WITHOUT HESITATION, YOU MOUSE!

    61 comments
  4. The Castle of Otranto And The Failure Of Mortgage-Backed Securities

    For the Term of his Natural Life (He'll Be Renting)

    The Old English Baron Is In Default

    67 comments
  5. I love these dudes, oh man!

    15 comments
  6. Doing link roundups is hard. Come back, Nicole!

    319 comments
  7. I used to read this book when I was a kid, then forgot it, then thought I'd dreamed it, then found it last night. "The King O' The Cats" pretty well sums up my whole deal, but I recommend the Hobyahs too if you want to crawl inside my past.

    69 comments
  8. Originally.

    KING ARTHUR: Sir Gawain you are the noblest knight in my court
    in the board room AND in the bedroom if you all catch me, drift-wise

    89 comments
  9. Neil Diamond cover songs are, I think, my equivalent of "No, I haven't read the book, but I've seen the Wishbone episode," which makes loving me a very specific prospect. My favorite ex-girlfriend works at a record label and regularly hand-mails me (through the postal service!) CDs she thinks I'll like and also bumper stickers promoting the 2005 release of a Pussycat Dolls album.

    108 comments
  10. Why is this not already a band name? Start this band!

    411 comments
  11. I know "On First Looking into Chapman's Homer" is a classic description of the ability of art to create emotional epiphanies in a reader, but I never realized how much Keats sounds like a kid reading his report to the class and going way overboard praising the book because he obviously hasn't read it.

    47 comments
  12. Le cab jaspine, je marronne que la roulotte de Pantin trime dans le sabri, the dog is barking. Le dab est sinve, la dabuge est merloussière, la fée est bative.

    The cab is Jasper's, the marrow will still be good after roulette but Pantin has to trim the savory. Dabbing is sinful, the flood carries mussels, this party is for babies.

    51 comments
  13. You've seen VH1, you either remember, or have seen reenactments starring Dee Snyder thereof, the Parents Music Resource Center hearings of the mid-80s, where a group of Congressmen's wives (what a sentence!) tried to enact a stricter music ratings system, and how it didn't work out too great.

    80 comments