Posts tagged “curses”

  1. Matthew 1:1

    "An account of the genealogy of Jesus, King Shit of Fuck Mountain, the son of David, the son of Abraham."


    Matthew 2:3-4

    "When King Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all Jerusalem with him; and calling together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the King Shit of Fuck Mountain was to be born."

  2. "Docimedis has lost two gloves and asks that the thief responsible should lose their mind and eyes in the goddess' temple."

  3. 1. "You seem like the sort of man who would prefer Arlo Guthrie's 'City of New Orleans' to Steve Goodman's." 2. "Oh, you think you're a Fool Saint like the insane minister's wife who enacted miracles in the life of Robertson Davies' Dunstan Ramsay? You're just a fool, son." 3. "I look forward to reading your book, should it ever be a $1.99 add-on when you purchase a 24 pack of recycled paper towels from…

  4. May your Sperrys give you blisters, may your son be uninterested in inheriting your Patek Phillipe. May your housekeeper be an American citizen; may she have an up-to-date OSHA regulations handbook in her purse at all times. May you forget to update your summer residence information in time to make it into the Social Register's Dilatory Domiciles this year. May you develop carpal tunnel your first year of Princeton crew; may you be invited only…

  5. May you achieve just enough success to keep you from giving up and finding satisfaction elsewhere, but never enough success to truly relax. May the colleagues that you badmouth the most have nothing but kind things to say about you when you're not around, leading everyone in the office to conclude that you are a fundamentally disagreeable person. May you be like Guy Fieri: may the things you love the most be considered ridiculous by…