Anne Thériault’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.

Friends, we need to have a chat about the swaggest English monarch ever.

No, it's not Elizabeth I, but that's a good guess. Her swag was deep, but not quite deep enough.

It's not Victoria either, even though she was a badass didn't care what people thought, not even when her subjects were pissed about the

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I can't help but feel bad for everyone from History; they're dead, to start with, and then after their deaths the rest of us just sit around in our warm, cozy, alive bodies criticizing them. And it's quite easy to criticize them! They are, after all, merely dead, while I am forever and gloriously Alive. Were our positions reversed, I have no doubt they would gladly stuff me with cholera and watch me die in…

If you're anything like me (and if you aren't, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE – THINK ABOUT IT), you've definitely spent a lot of your time objectively ranking Henry VIII's wives. This can be done by carefully employing the scientific method that you learned for the science fair in sixth grade. After that you need to square your answer and find the hypotenuse and then employ the quadratic formula. Because this isn't just conjecture,

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A few Minutes after Seven this Morning, her Majesty was most happily brought to Bed of a Prince, to the great Joy of every Lover of Great Britain.

Thursday the servant maid of an eminent tradesman in Maiden-lane, Covent-garden, was committed to New Prison, Clerkenwell, for robbing her master of cash to a considerable value.

To be SOLD,

At the sign of the Turk’s Head, opposite

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Soon, perhaps within a matter of hours, the Duchess of Cambridge will give birth to the newest heir to the British throne. News of Kate Middleton's pregnancy has captured the public’s attention ever since she was hospitalized with acute morning sickness back in December. The royal baby buzz has been building steadily throughout the week outside of Kate's maternity wing at St. Mary's Hospital. Every single one of Kate's actions during her pregnancy have been…