I don't have any end-of-year lists for you, but I also don't want to waste GREAT ORIGINAL CONTENT in the late-December dead zone, so I'm splitting the difference and turning this into an open thread to talk about hard-to-find and out-of-print books you've been trying to get your hands on but can't. Maybe we can all help each other.
Easily the best part of Christmas vacation is reading the paper at one of your relative's houses (because you can't afford a newspaper subscription; are you kidding me? Those things are like $300 a year!). It's particularly delightful this time of year because all of the journalists get to write at least one ridiculous "wacky holiday tradition" article stuffed to the eyebrows with wonderfully bad puns. This year, the LA Times chose rightly to…
I ask my wife why she picked me out of all the Shane Hintons she could have had. I think about them, sometimes. I run searches on the internet, look at their social networking profiles, the records of their arrests, their notices of engagement, the results of their college sports careers. They are a little bit like me, maybe. My wife is beautiful and could have been with the Shane Hinton from Iowa who is…
There is something about life in New York City which lends itself to mood music, to movie soundtracks. It could be all the waiting; despite the popular notion that NYC residents are always on the move, we are, in fact, always in a type of suspended animation. Life goes on above the surface while sitting or standing in a cramped subway train hundreds of feet below. On the bus, in a taxi, the world passes…
Previously: Please consider my application to become a Druidess. 1. I'm reasonably busty and I work out semi-regularly, so I could probably carry a bronze shield or something. 2. I think I would do a very good job of judging men even after they are dead, no training necessary. 3. I have naturally red hair, and bronze and leather (which I am given to understand are the primary components of the Valkyrie uniform) really…
Previously: Bible Verses Where The Word “Philistines” Has Been Replaced With “Haters.” Genesis 2:17 "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, can u not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Genesis 17:15 "And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, can u not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be." Genesis 22:12 "Can u not lay…
She said she thinks she remembers the film. She said she “kind of liked it”. She wasn’t expecting this. She was probably still chewing over a mouthful of popcorn when you asked her what she thought. Feels a bit like grasping at straws; Feels a bit like a movie you both kinda liked isn’t the best remedy when she ‘just doesn’t care’. Either way,
Jaya Saxena's previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Whenever I’ve told this story it’s always supposed to be funny. It goes like this:
We had been flirting for a few weeks, because I was 19 and green mohawks still did it for me. I ran into him at a party, where we continued flirting, and I drank Everclear mixed with Sprite like it was any sort of good
The sea is full of haters. Light cannot penetrate its depths after a few dozen feet, due to the unusual concentration of haters lurking just below the ocean's surface. The first humans crawled out of the sea ages ago because they knew that if they wanted to get anything done like legs or talking, they'd have to get away from the non-stop hating and criticism. So we got out of there pretty fast. HATERS OF…
Proposed: that "Can you believe I work at a bank?" is the most perfect opening line to any Kids in the Hall sketch ever written, in this life or the next.
I hope everyone had a merry, merry. Today I've got some delicious pastry, Edith Wharton, arrogant Kobe Bryant and the wonder of space travel for you. I am watching The Wire for the first time and it has mostly been a devastating trauma but the show is excellent, so very excellent.
