A Toast t-shirt (or tank, but not the military-industrial-complex kind*) that incorporates our little logo AND encourages its wearer and all on-lookers to ponder the wisdom of violent misandry?
Of course you do. You have seven days, just like The Ring, and it’ll be in your hot little hands (or those of your dearest friend or worst male enemy) for Christmas.
Here’s Nick’s adorable stepdaughter, demonstrating that young women are our greatest allies in the battle to overthrow the patriarchy:
Her back is excited too:
“Nicole and Mallory, what if I have a young son who appreciates that this particular joke is all in good fun?”
They run small (the women’s sizes) and big (the unisex tanks) so pay attention to the size guide!
*YET
Tags: abraham lincoln would have loved this shirt, meta, misandry, nicole and mallory, nicole wants to emphasize she doesn’t advocate murder and mallory just raised an eyebrow and changed the subject, t-shirts, the masculine child belongs to nick and will be spared, whimsically held positions
I’ve never handed over money so quickly.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I will scrounge in the sofa and see if I can find enough moneys to buy one!
YEP
Omg I really hope I run into a men’s rights activist or something wearing this
Haha my boyfriend is rather a MRA and I’m ordering this shirt anyway (… after asking him if he’s ok with it because relationships are all about making sure the other is happy, ya’know?)
Relationships are about rearing young in the confines of heterosexual matrimony, Christine.
… we’ve been dating three years, and have been willing to deal with the fact that it has mostly been long distance because the end goal is rearing offspring in the confines of heterosexual matrimony. Oh gods what is wrong with me.
Please don’t banish me from The Toast 🙁 If he dies, I’ll make up for my sins by using his life insurance to found a separatist lesbian commune.
Tell him to take out extra life insurance. You will always have a place with us.
I wonder if they make this shirt in a women’s.
Buyin one for me, my husband, and my tiny boy child, so a) they never forget who’s really in charge and b) so they will be spared in the reckoning. MISANDRYYYYY.
If it would let me check out with my shirt in size “giant rack”, I TOTALLY WOULD. BUT YOU THWART ME.
Apparently one needs to log into the site to buy it. Done and done!
My only complaint is that I know I will spill food all over this, because it is white. (I bought one anyway, obviously)
I got the tank top for the sole reason that I know there is no way I’m not getting pit stains on that tshirt.
but i don’t haaaaaave any mooooooooooneeeeeeeeeey
i think we can all agree capatalism isn’t working, and as a protest you should give me one of thes (in whatever size best fits with a UK 18) for freee
and send me three in 4T thanks!
(that’s a toddler size duh)
Ok this shirt on triplet toddlers would be The Perfect Everything.
Three triplets in one shirt!
Aaaaaaand you just made it better.
I believe capitalism is a habit of the Patriarchy that will also be overthrown in The Reckoning.
The sole problem with this shirt is that it doesn’t come in size 4T.
I mentioned this on another thread, but in the New Year you will have options you might feel more comfortable wearing in public (though I am wearing this to a Salt Lake City supermarket on Christmas Eve as a statement), and you should use this comment section to give us great ideas.
You’re certainly welcome to have the Everyone Is Gross graphic I made (I have vector format version too), but I would suggest any/all of the Girl Tips cartoons, or a Texts From, if we’re talking Toast content.
I second the Girl Tips Cartoons suggestion
The one about the bikini bodies! Would buy for all my friends if it was on an actual bikini.
I am flattered and would totally wear my comics on a shirt like a cocky doofus!
I hereby put in my request for:
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word
Ever; your sister is talking
The enjambment gets me every time.
This one is my fave, but I also like:
It’s raining, it’s pouring;
The old man is snoring
Now is our chance.
Yesssss. This one is my fave as well. <3
I would actually love to see some of the stuff from the comments on that post, too.
I still sometimes randomly think of the comment about the lesbian separatist farm and LOL to myself. Also Cherrypriste’s “These are a few of my favourite things” was particularly wonderful.
I vote for “Free Gracie” or something about party brunch. Or is party brunch too obvious? Maybe it’s too obvious.
Free Gracie! YES.
Oscar & Walt!!!
More of the misandry lullabies! Maybe do a poll on some of them?
Also, where have we landed on American Apparel, gross or not gross? Is there an official Toast stance? Their CEO is obviously a skeezeball but the sweatshop-free made in America thing is sadly unique.
Dark shirts with white logos/text/graphics, the better to hide the stains of all the foods I spill on my boobs. Also plus sizes/ size GB (giant boobs) please.
I would love just a big toast logo right on the front.
And if it’s not too much to ask, please keep in mind us Canadians, and how hard it can be to get things shipped us here 🙂
Tote bags! I would tote a Toast bag.
A TOTE FOR TOTING MY TOAST
Gym bag! Strong Ladies gym bag!
Yesssss. I mean, I’m getting this one anyway and I am going to wear it as much as I possibly can, but it’ll be nice to have one I can wear at work. And airports.
HA! Now that I have bought this shirt, I’m sure I will find myself in an airport wearing it repeatedly. Just as I have with my super cozy “The revolution will not be telegraphed” shirt, featuring a victorian man holding an AK 47. I have definitely noticed at check in and then gone to turn my shirt inside out before security. Because I Think Ahead.
DEFINITELY Lubchansky’s illustration of a cat caller’s tongue turning into a jeweled bird and flying away, or any of the panels from that comic.
For the love of – seriously, after all the fuss, no one’s put up “remember you always have the option of taking to the sea”?
(Remember that you always have the option of taking to the sea.)
I like it best with the parentheses, but that’s me.
Also: “Congratulations! Your compulsive need to correct everyone has finally resulted in being universally beloved.”
I have some meetings I need to wear that one to.
I heart everyone here for many reasons, but most recently introducing me to Middlemarch & accordingly, will be buying said t shirt to wear… somewhere.
My heart melted further at the pic of The Masculine Child Who Will Be Spared.
I selected a picture without his face, because internet and minor, but he has THE MOST ADORABLE FACE.
he is also plotting things
I can tell
He is always.
Trust me.
This is the shirt that you’ll be able to wear in ten years and be immediately recognized as an early adopter. Like, supportive men will be DJing just outside the gates of our lesbian separatist commune while wearing them.
The supportive men will be spared, right? I’ll get one for my husband and son. They are both feminists; I’d hate to have them culled by mistake.
I suspect I won’t be in charge of that phase of the operation, but that’s my understanding.
I am quite certain Mallory will be directing all things related to the culling. I would like to host auditions for male misandrist DJs, however.
“I was there back when it had a hyphen and a dot-net”
Can you imagine if, like, Bryan Goldberg bought thetoast.com and gave it to us as an apology for using women as desks?
I can’t stop laughing at this comment.
Is it sad that I’ve been refreshing the teespring page to see if the goal will be reached?
Is it sad that I was all ‘hey, 43rd shird? maybe I should just wait a few minutes in hopes of mine being the magic 50th?!’
Hook. Me. Up.
I had a moment of “do I have the money for this?” but it was quickly followed by “how much will I hate myself if they don’t make the goal for the women’s size tee?”
YUP.
I very nearly gave myself whiplash while pulling out my credit card.
I may yet order a spare.
I’m very excited for my shirt.
I already tweet this, but: price with shipping was $19.85, my birth year!! did the shirt choose me for a spirit quest or has it just been a Very Long Day already
Thank you thank you thank you. I can’t wait to wear this with my knitted pom-pom hat that says “misandry.” Maybe that’s too matchy-matchy, though?
I have that same had and had that same thought!
BOOM PURCHASED. We’re just 10 shirts away from hitting the printing goal, so c’mon toasties! Get buying!
hello hello hello TOAST. I have been lurking around these parts since the beginning, and have finally figured out how to use intensedebate just so I can REGISTER MY GLEE at being able to own this shirt.
Mallory reports the t-shirts run small, and I report that the tanks run big (oh, I think the tanks are unisex, so that makes more sense), so use the size guide when ordering!
I look forward to making my L tank into a fitted tunic if it’s too baggy, then!
Some of the money for this goes to The Toast, right? It’s a bit more than I would usually spend on a teeshirt after you consider shipping, but it’s worth it if it helps support the website.
It sure does.
*YET. Can we talk about the “*YET”?? Because I have wanted to own a tank since I was a wee child just dreaming of rolling over the people who got in my way.
…
Ok, I am starting to see what my bf meant when he said I reminded him of Sauron in that LOTR exercise we did a few weeks ago.
Is this one only going to be on sale for the next week? Will I have a chance to but it AFTER Christmas (when I will have money again)? Oh please oh please say yes.
Is Beautiful Model Stepdaughter wearing a small, or a medium? Trying to gauge sizes. I waaaaaant one.
It’s a small, but she is 5 feet tall. So gauge accordingly
Thanks!
That is incredibly helpful. Thanks! (I am also short, so these things matter)
The people behind me in my dance classes are going to be so confused when I wear this. Can’t wait to spread the good word about the thehyphentoastdotnet
Oh man. I have complicated feelings about this. And I’m going to make it a thing, and go somewhere with it.
::Deep breath here goes::
Ever since that jury of women found Zimmerman not guilty, I’ve eased up on my “Team Misandry” stance, because it was (admittedly among other things, mostly racism but) partially misandry that influenced those women’s opinions. And I don’t want anything to do with that. And that’s all I can think of when I see “Kill All Men”.
Like, no. Kill all rapists (I realize that includes other people than just men, but it’s mostly men), castrate all catcallers, don’t trust men, don’t let men have guns or other weapons, don’t let men make any important decisions, ever, etc – there are lots of elements of misandry I completely support. But killing all men includes justification for killing, you know, men of color who didn’t do anything wrong, simply because they’re perceived as threatening.
I really wish you had picked literally any other of the lullabies Mallory wrote than this one – none of the others suggest killing. Maybe I’m overreacting because I do take misandry pretty seriously – for me, there’s no irony in it at all – and also because i desperately want to give you people money, and because I was so excited when I first saw the shirt mock-up on facebook. But this has been nagging at me since I first saw it and so I wanted to say something.
I think this is a completely reasonable viewpoint.
Like, I find it gonzo and funny and I’m wearing one and voted in favour of it, but I certainly understand not feeling that way.
Thanks – I get shouted down for taking things too seriously quite frequently – or, at least, i used to, and I really appreciate that not happening here.
Same. That’s why I put my 7 year old son in it, obviously. But I like the fact that I’m part of a site where we’re all free to debate it and examine the underlying thoughts. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I mean, a big part of my misandry is UNBRIDLED WHIMSY, because as you know I do not actually believe the sheep from the nursery rhyme wants us to kill all men. I just think men as a group should be laughed at more. Good for the circulation, getting laughed at as a group.
Men as a group should most definitely be laughed at more! Mocked and belittled and made to feel powerless as they watch control over their reproductive choices debated by unfeeling women in elected government positions. I am ALL FOR an eye for an eye in this battle, and if we’re using laughter as a weapon, I completely support that.
But I also take my misandry seriously (I am, most definitely, the very messed-up one in this situation.) It’s not gonzo and it’s not whimsy to me. When I say castrate all catcallers, and i don’t think men should be allowed to have weapons, for example, I am dead fucking serious. (Serious in that “clearly this will never happen, but wouldn’t it be great if” sort of way.) Killing them all is different because that shit has happened, for this reason, to innocent people oppressed in other ways.
Anyway, back to work for me, but as I said before, I do hugely appreciate the fact that this is a space for reasonable debate.
*100 years from now, a hooded figure steps in front of an elaborate mausoleum on Mars, and throws down a bouquet made of still-bleeding foreskin. The figure turns away to reveal an inscription:
HERE LIES CHERRISPRYTE
TRULY SHE TOOK MISANDRY MORE SERIOUSLY THAN US ALL
WE HONOR HER
Don’t buy it! Buy something else you feel great about instead!
I await with great anticipation the coming shirts in the new year, and will buy literally all of those.
DONE and I shall wear it to the next Toast-Up!
Also if I see anyone out in public wearing one I will immediately run up to you and say hi.
I didn’t expect these to come in size “Pregnant Lady Who Started Out Fat,” but I look forward to future options that would suit my, uh, burgeoning demographic, like tote bags and shit.
How big do the sizes go? (guys I’m really on top of things I swear)
I look forward to clothing my entire body in only Toast-branded items.
TOAST UNDERWEAR AND SOCKS
They go up to 3 XL which is pretty big. I bought a large, regular and I’m 6’3″ and 200 lbs. So do with that information what you will. 🙂
Ha! I weighed more than you when I was pregnant.
ETA: sorry I know we’re not supposed to talk about weight, but it made me happy to remember how huge I was (although it was difficult at the time) with 3 babies in there. Also I am not even close to 6’3″.
no no I think this will end up really well let’s all talk about how much we weigh and see where that leads us
You’re so tall! I didn’t know you were so tall. That seems like it must be nice for you, as a man.
(niche comment) This sounds like one of those Christmas cards Bridget Jones wrote while drunk at the end of one of the BJD books.
Ahhhh I can’t wait to wear this to the bar and start spreading the misandrist gospel…
YES. Merry x-mas to me.
Yay! As soon as I am not trapped under a cat and can reach my wallet…
I have no money so I’m going to have to wait to display my toast love. Also I did not get the whole misandry aspect till I read the link. Looking forward to the whole range on various items which in a prosperous future I shall own and confuse the general populace in the faraway land I live in.
I am making my husband buy this for me, because that seems appropriate.
So happy this is happening, but gonna hold onto my $$$ until a dark fabric/light logo shirt comes out–this former goth feels strange wearing white shirts that aren’t button-ups 🙂 Just putting in a word for all of us creatures of the night.
"nicole wants to emphasize she doesn't advocate murder and mallory just raised an eyebrow and changed the subject"
I showed my bf the shirt and read him a few of the lullabies last night, and his response was, "I don't think you should be reading this stuff." I think he was genuinely scared.
I’m just going to throw things out there that are important and awesome: 1) take to the sea reference! 2) FREE GRACIE! 3) an excerpt from Texts from Ghost (or someone else but I love Ghost) 4) “permission to play devil’s advocate denied”
Honestly just throw a dart at your computer* and put whatever it hits on a shirt, everything you guys write is amazeballs.
*do not actually throw darts at your computer