Official Toast Stances: Volume Five -The Toast

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If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. – Eds.

The Toast Approves of the Following Things:

1. Talking to a spam comment like it’s a real person and being friendly to it.
2. Purely decorative hats on women.
3. Movies where something goes wrong in space.
4. When old British actors say the word “homosexual” but not when anybody else says it.
5. Books and movies about a tense, playful, strained male friendship that only makes sense if you read both characters as being in love with one another.

The Toast Disapproves of the Following Things:

1. Chiropractors when they say anything about medicine that doesn’t relate strictly to manipulating your bones to get that pleasant cracking sensation (yes, we are talking about when they tell people not to get vaccines.)
2. People who change the radio constantly in the car, like, they never let a song finish before flipping elsewhere.
3. People who won’t stop laughing and exclaiming things like “Oh my God!” repeatedly while reading/watching something but won’t say what they’re reacting to even after you’ve said “What is it?” like four times.
4. White shirts that you have to wear some kind of stupid camisole underneath because they are completely sheer.
5. Maraschino cherries.

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