Official Toast Stances: Volume Four -The Toast

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If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. – Eds.

The Toast Approves of the Following Things:

1. Cheaper by the Dozen and Belles On Their Toes
2. Deep-dish, or “Chicago-style” pizza as a worthy equal in the wider pizza universe.
3. Alt-country music
4. Comedians who perform in suits (gender-neutral stance.)
5. Tim Meadows

The Toast Disapproves of the Following Things:

1. Referring to something other than the actual “f-word” as “the f-word.” Example: “Maybe it’s time for the other f-word…forgiveness.”
2. Saying “I forgive you” to a person who has not asked for your forgiveness, outside of, like, a restorative justice setting.
3. “No Regrets” as a philosophical attitude.
4. Saying “I gotta run” on the phone.
5. Restaurants that put full-length mirrors in their bathrooms directly opposite the toilet so you have no choice but to make eye contact with yourself as you make use of the facilities. Why does this exist.

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