As we wracked our brains to create a week’s worth of content for you lovely readers, we came up with a number of ideas that just didn’t make the cut. Here are just a few rejects, listed so you can know what you may have missed.
- “All British Literature is Garbage” in which Matt trolls everyone based on one class he took in high school.
- MRA Mondays
- Horses Are Just Impossible and Are Not Real
- Matt’s Musings Column:
- What Is Up With The People Behind Us On This Plane?
- Yiddish is Pretty Great, I Guess
- Did Kids Really Take Their Stepdad’s Names Back Then?: Jaya Researches The Brady Bunch
- Dad Magazine…for Kids!
- Matt Lubchansky/Nick Pavich Manslash Friday
Ok great thanks for having us! Follow us in our other endeavors! We love you very much.
Tags: dad magazine, jaya saxena, matt and nick 4eva, matt lubchansky, meta, reject pile, thank you for letting us do this
I would support a Lubchansky/Pavich Manslash Friday, just fyi.
The problem is it wouldn’t be a fantasy. Those two are adorable IRL.
I love how that kid looks like he is both following directions, and totally out of his element.
The As a White Man… picture is KILLING me
Me too, I’m biting my lip really hard right now trying not to laugh out loud.
The vest/fedora combo is perfection.
I was just on an airplane so I really do want to know “What IS Up With The People Behind Us On This Plane?”
Companion piece: “WHAT is UP With The People On The Commuter Rail?”
Subtopics:
-Using a touchscreen like you are conducting an orchestra/Tom Cruise in Minority Report
-Not wearing headphones while listening to music/watching Fox News/watching YouTube videos about screaming babies or motorcycles. Just playing your stupid fucking loud shit so that everyone on the train has to listen to it too, you assholes.
-Reading a Kindle while walking down the platform and weaving back and forth so that you are in danger of pusing people onto the tracks or falling onto them yourself.
-Sitting down next to me when there are COMPLETELY OPEN SEATS ALL OVER THE CAR.
Sometimes sitting next to someone on a somewhat empty train/bus is a way to make sure the creepy person that was bothering you at the bus stop can’t sit beside you. I may have learned the hard way to use that strategy.
Oh for sure. I am not bothered when ladies do this, just the businessdudes with the aforementioned missing headphones and wide stances.
There is literally a guy standing in the aisle whistling loudly as I type.
I was once yelled at by an older man because I did not give up my seat for an older woman who just got on the street car. I gave him a fuck off look because I was sitting with my toddler in my lap. How in God’s name am I supposed to hold my toddler and hold on to the strap at the same time? The woman he was yelling about gave him a fuck you look because she was not actually all that old, maybe late 40’s at the most. My mother-in-law, not a shy one, just yelled back, “why not give up your seat, old man.” Or something like that.
We were flying to North Carolina and these two strangers sat down behind us and immediately introduced themselves and talked loudly THE WHOLE TIME. Who makes friends like that? Why isn’t everyone constantly avoiding human contact? Why were they so loud????
We were behind them, not the other way around, but boy was the Polish National Fencing Team a rowdy group of fellow passengers.
Write the first one and I’ll be on hand in comments to defend you with observations from that one class I dropped in college.
I would be an avid sharer of Horses Are Just Impossible and Are Not Real. Come on, those ankles! They could never hold up a thousand pounds* of horsemeat weight stomping along like a nightmare hurricane tap dancer!
*”Do horses really weigh a thousand pounds?” you ask yourself, and I respond NO OF COURSE NOT THEY WEIGH NOTHING THEY ARE NOT REAL
Mr. B_Ham mocks my fear of horses but that shit is 1000 pounds and YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS THINKING.
Incidentally, I am not afraid of elephants largely because they are self-aware and know how to paint portraits of elephants. Anything that can paint a self-portrait must be gentle, right?
Not to ruin elephants for you, because I love them too, but I can paint a self portrait and no one has mistaken me for gentle. 🙂
I know what mine are thinking. Normally ‘is there any food there mum’ or ‘can we go fast now please mum’.
Yup, they’re mostly pretty transparent in their thought processes. I mean, the actual reasoning may not make sense (“THIS BUSH IS OUT TO GET ME AND THE GROUND AROUND IT IS LAVA”), but at least you know they’re thinking it.
Back when I had a horse, I think he was mostly amused. He was one of the smart ones.
Wait. The girls on the Brady bunch really were referred to as Brady’s. What’s that about? They were so old when the parents got married! What happened to their father, anyway? I want to know now!
We should definitely talk about The Brady Bunch, and about how they pretended that no life before the current one existed, and they never had another mother/father who they do not speak of.
Right? I mean if the premise is that this is a remarriage and a combination of families, address that! They could have just had a show about six biological siblings and it would be exactly the same.
Yes! I think the thinking was that having six kids is unseemly? For WASPs? Now I’m wondering if they’re too close in ages for them to be related…seriously, Jaya, research this!
Yeah, that last part I think is the key. A lot of the show was based around all of them being sooo close together in age, like they were practically all in HS at the same time. Each kid had their corresponding other-gender to go through life problems with.
Apparently Mike was a widower, but it’s not clear what happened to Carol’s first husband.
According to wikipedia: While Mike Brady is depicted as being a widower, Schwartz originally wanted the character of Carol Brady to have been a divorcée but the network objected to this. A compromise was reached whereby Carol’s marital past was left open (not made clear whether she was divorced or widowed).
WRITE EM ALL
Yiddish IS awesome and deserves no qualifier.
This was almost an actual post I was going to write, and we couldn’t get past just typing “THE WORD FOR SANDWICH IS SENDVICH!” 40 times
Well, I for one would have enjoyed that. I’ve taken German and Dutch and they both made me want to take Yiddish sooo badly, but I don’t have any real use for it and a bad habit of picking up enough of a language to eavesdrop on people and then drifting away. But man oh man, is it ever awesome.
In other language news (to me): The word for “excuse me” in Italian REALLY IS “Scusi”. My sister is getting married in Italy so I’m listening to Italian language CDs on my commute, and when they said SCOO-ZEE I laughed and thought “Yesss, Italian rules.”
My grandmother says the politest form is “scusa”, but she was Sicilian, it might have been a curse
haha. that’s correct! although could also be a curse to give someone the polite form of scusare along with a glaring eyeball
I’m really intrigued by what a Toast MRA Monday would look like.
Also these were all great, as were all the real posts you magicked up this week! (There’s no way Dolphin Prince wasn’t 100% magic.)
MRA Monday is just plain ol Reddit any other day of the week.
I would like to sponsor MRA Mondays please.
The manslash would also be acceptable.
I would read/comment all of these. Get crackin’!
As someone who has three horses and is relatively sure they are at least as real as my Schrodinger’s cat, what was going to be the premise of that one? I’m intrigued!
Charmed. I am charmed.
Matt Lubchansky/Nick Pavich Manslash Friday
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, please.
manslash
yes
where are the knives?
Modern British literature is terrible no qualification needed. The only topics are War, Sadness, The Cold and Suicide.
Except for Bridget Jones’s Diary RIGHT?
Eh, I am pretty sure modern US literature is all about older men getting a divorce and shagging their implausibly pretty students.
what are they supposed to do? the students are always so *supple*. (this is why he drinks).
Companion piece: WTF is up with the people IN FRONT of us on this plane? THE SEAT WILL NOT GO BACK FURTHER BECAUSE I HAVE KNEES and I will not back down from over the shoulder direct eye contact
I haven’t been around much this week because it has been a bit hellish, but I am SO excited to sit down this weekend with a big cup of coffee and devour the entire week’s archives. From the glimpses I’ve seen, it was a great week and thank you Jaya and Matt!
MRA Monday would be awesome
Nooooo my life would have been so much better had I not known what I now know.
My cousin took her stepfather’s name, about 15-20 years ago. Her mother had never been married (the identity of her father is a family mystery not even known by my cousin) and so my ~10 year old cousin was excited to have a father. Perhaps The Brady girls’ father was also somehow absent or lacking.
Possibilities:
– Carol reproduces asexually
– Carol kills and consumes the men she has sex with
– the girls are repressing terrible memories of their “real father”
– Carol collects children (through marriage, sperm donation/anonymous sex, and/or adoption)
– Carol has a colourful history as a sex worker
I would watch all of those shows.
You do???
Eh, I am pretty sure modern US literature is all about older men getting a divorce and shagging their implausibly pretty students.
I would watch all of those shows.
pull my finger
10 Reasons to Help Me Polish my Work Shoes on Sunday Afternoon. Because I Say So: Why You Can't Play in the Garage. How to Help Dad Help You Run for Class Treasurer.
please start hellyeahmoosefacts dot tumblr dot com
I really, really want “Horses Are Just Impossible and Are Not Real.”