I don’t have any pictures of my food. I’m not the bartender. I’m not her, I’ll never be her. Here is a picture of me dressed up as Old Gregg for Halloween one year.
Now here is a picture of me that my friend Sergio photoshopped to make me look like Ronbledore.
Sergio can do an insane amount of pushups; I once made him do a bunch at a party while I rested my feet on his back. The thread is now open.
Tags: meta, open thread
PUSH-UPS. Let’s talk about ’em. I think it’s cool how they make your chest and abs hurt a lot, but not your arms quite as much? I did 70 in intervals of ten over the course of half an hour the other day, and it gave me such a sense of accomplishment. Thank you, Nicole, for making me determined to do them again!
My friend is a personal trainer and will lead us in a group session on Saturdays, and we did 50 push-ups in intervals in 10 one day, and OH MY GOD my chest the next day.
I didn’t realize how much mine hurt until I went to yoga and had to actually move my arms any place other than in front of me to type. Oof.
I did five pushups last week and then the next day my armpit muscles (????) hurt a whole lot. I am not on your level but I am very impressed!
I started about ten weeks ago not being able to do a single full push-up! I did ten lady-pushups or doorway-pushups a day for a while, then tried to start transitioning into full pushups. It took several weeks of doing them every day to work up to 10. So you can DEFINITELY get there (and beyond) if you can remember to do it consistently, it just might take a while.
Forgive me for going all old powerlifter lady here, but if you’re bustin out 70 pushups, you may want to try modifying them to make them more difficult. There’s all kinds of stuff on the web for how to do this if you google “pushup variations”, but also I realize that maybe you already know this and just like doing a ton of pushups. I am all about heavy sets of 5 and have trouble relating, but try to understand. 🙂
I have started one of those 30-day push-up challenges, because I can do them, but I cannot get all the way down, just about halfway. I’m doing Lady push-ups at this point, but once this is over, I’m gonna try to start again with Tramps.
I reached some higher plane of push-up consciousness during my workout yesterday. It involved (1) keeping my elbows right up close to my ribcage the whole time, (2) looking STRAIGHT AHEAD NOT DOWN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T LOOK AT THE FLOOR, and (3) going into downward-facing dog instead of taking a knee when I needed a rest. Using these strategies I was able to do 8 sets of 10 pushups (plus a bunch of other stuff) in 20 minutes.
And today I can’t raise my arms above my head, or reach too far backwards, so.
I’ve been doing pushups on the kitchen counter at work while I wait for my lunch to reheat. It makes me feel awesome!
Feel the Burn inspired me! I have officially worked up from zero push-ups to twenty Lady push-ups or five Tramp push-ups in a row, and when I need to wake up at work I lock myself in the conference room and do Lady push-ups until I feel tough.
Thanks yous seconded!
Would anybody like to be involved in a Toastie mix CD swap?
Just email me at figwiggin at gmail with your name/username, mailing address, whether you’re willing to ship internationally, and any info you’d like your swap partner to have (ie “make me a mixtape about Dirtbag Teens” or “I hate Eddie Vedder” etc.), and I’ll hook you up with a swap partner and you’ll get a cool mix CD from a cool Toastie in the mail!
Even if you think you’re not “good at mixtapes,” it’s a lot of fun! This is the last swap call I’ll be putting out for a while, so email me if you’re interested.
everybody do this it’s so great!!!!!
yes, i am going to email you soon!
but first, this is sending out a toast-signal to catoclock—did ya get my mix? i sent it a few weeks ago, but i just stuck a bunch of stamps (5?) on an envelope instead of taking it to the post office and it made me a little nervous.
Hah, I just posted something about this down below here! I did get it and it was awesome!!!
Yesss, I am working on mine as we speak. (Instead of, like, working…)
Also sending a Toast-signal: tragicallyludicrous, did you get my mix? I can mail you another copy if it got lost on the way.
Soooo I want to do this because I love making CD mixes but I’m concerned my tastes are too mainstream/90’s…
Dear friend–there are all kinds of folks that sign up for the mix CD swap, and those who love mainstream and 90s music are among them! Take heart and email me!
I can’t speak for everybody here but I would be allllll about this
That is pretty much exactly what I thought (I signed up anyway) except replace 90’s with ’80s’. I am so unfamiliar with current music it has gotten ridiculous. 🙂 So sign up!
I am convinced! Email sent 🙂
yes, do it, it’s wonderful! 900ccs, i got your mix and loved it! so full of poetry and joy. hope you liked mine!
thanks figwiggin for organizing!
Does anyone want to talk about drag with me?
How do you define it? Is it limited to the performance of the opposite gender? What are your opinions on/experiences with drag? Have you ever done it? How would you describe a successful and entertaining performance?
I have always had a very complicated relationship with drag (shortly after I began my transition my friend developed her drag king persona and would come to me for pointers, which…stung, a bit), but the urge to try it has always been in the back of my mind. I am typically a very quiet and awkward person, but I think with the right kind of prep, drag could be the platform for the theatrical performer I have inside me. I’m getting the itch to think about trying, but I have no idea where to start.
(Ugh idk why my phone hasn’t been letting me choose to log in with Intense Debate.)
I think of drag as any hyper-performance of a gender expression, so “bio-drag” is a thing too. So it’s not just dressing up as a gender but doing so in a performative and/or exaggerated way.
Personally I would think of arnie in all his one lining 80s action hero roles as bio-drag. Like no-one looks like that unless they are going extremely out of their way to look like that, and that is drag to me.
My birthday was this week! It was a big ol’ milestone birthday, too, and you know what I did? Hung out with the lady and the dog and drank bourbon and watched Indiana Jones. That’s living.
That sounds like a fantastic way to celebrate a birthday.
Happy birthday! It was my birthday too! I did the same, if you replace ‘bourbon’ with ‘amber ale’ and ‘the lady’ with ‘my super drunk roommate who suddenly wanted to know what kinks I was into.’ We did watch Indiana Jones though. Coincidence!
Happy birthday from another birthday week human!
Happy birthday!
Bless, Emby. Good decisions.
Happy birthday! That does sound like a good time.
Happy birthday!!!
I also had a birthday this week. I hung out with wife and cat and drank pinot and watched House of Cards. TWINS
Mine is a calendar post!
Number of days until potentially exciting things happen, and whether or not that’s too long
3 days – conversion from contractual to permanent employee – not too long
6 days – visit family in New York, and also eat a lot – not too long
63 days – vacation in Maine with wife and friends – a little bit too long
78 days – Guardians of the Galaxy is released – definitely too long
116 days – my birthday – not too long
349 days – Avengers: Age of Ultron released – probably too long, but not like, 100% sure of that
364 days – Pitch Perfect 2 is released – way too long, like probably 99% too long
580 days – Star Wars: Ep. VII is released – that’s probably fine
Also, can I just say… I totally love pizza. I just. It’s just wonderful.
Okay, toasties, what are you looking forward to? And also, do you love pizza?
I LOVE pizza and had a sibling pizza and Catan night the other night, me and my brother and my boyfriend and his sister. It was great. I support your calendar post, and pizza.
Pizza and board games! A perfect combination!
i love pizza so much that i sometimes use the pizza emoji as a stand-in for love hearts.
You make good life choices
Oh I love that! Pizza basically is the physical manifestation of love anyway.
We have started doing pizza at home more now that we sucked it up and bought a pizza/baking stone. I swear, it’s like magic. I feel like we’ve gone through 427,342,336 different techniques for doing pizza at home and they all sucked and then BLAM, magically perfect pizza cooked in five minutes or so on the grill or in the oven.
eta: what am I looking forward to? I’m looking forward to it no longer snowing in Chicago until next fall. Today is apparently not that day. fml.
Yes! I bought a “pizza steel’ thing, which is like a pizza stone, but made of, you know… steel… and it’s amazing! Now if only our oven didn’t suck…
IMPORTANT INFORMATION: http://uuni.net/
This is a tiny wood-fired pizza oven that takes wood pellets (the kind for your fireplace or whatever if you have one of those modern houses built after, like, 1920) and it makes pizzas super fast and delicious. Like it takes 10-15 min to heat up and then it makes a pizza in two minutes. I love it. I have had pizza every day for like a week and a half since we got it.
Ahahah, yes. My coworkers and I looked out the window and said is that…Snooowww? NNOOOOO!
But then I accepted it, for it means one less day of unbearable summer.
I admire your glass-half-full approach.
I forgot! Also, however long it is until Marvel releases a Black Widow movie? It’s way, way too long, unless it’s a surprise release in the next few weeks.
It is waaaaay too long. I need them to be working on, like, the third Black Widow movie and for it not to be a reboot, because then we would be living in a world with two successful Black Widow movies and that would be an excellent world indeed.
I want them to get a good Black Widow movie in before Zack Snyder shits out a terrible Wonder Woman movie, and everyone goes back to “See? See? Female superheroes don’t sell!” and it’s like… no. Shitty movies don’t sell.
Pizza is amazing. A new place opened up near my house a couple of months ago, and they are doing fabulous things. For a non-fancy pizza I go for sausage and mushroom, for fancy gimme either olive oil or white sauce, spinach, artichokes, more mushrooms, fresh tomatoes, feta, and bell peppers that I pick off, because I hate them, but the people I share with love them. And Guardians is far too far away.
Ahhhh 7 days until we see Hugh Laurie and the Copper Bottom Band!
Three weeks from yesterday we move back to Montana which…Iam not so much looking forward to because we haven’t started packing yet.
Also yessss pizza! Any kind of pizza but I am especially into veggie kinds right now.
Ahhhh! My parents went to Hugh & the Copper Bottom Band and said that it was bloody brilliant. I’m so jealous I didn’t get to go. Have the awesomest time!
I’m so exciteddddd!!!!
My Mom told me that after her incredibly long 40 hours of labor the nurse told her I didn’t want to come out because I wanted to eat more pizza in utero. Now, I’m not sure how the nurse knew, but yeah, I did want more pizza. Because pizza is ah-mazing.
– 28 days until I get to go on my first real “alone time” vacation with my husband in like three years (Yellowstone and Glacier National Park!).
– 144 days until Dragon Age: Inquisition is released and I fall into a massive fantasy videogame well (aaah I am so excited I am going to make a badass qunari lady mage or maybe a rogue ooo or maybe an elf aah).
– 312 days until I turn 30 wait WHAT.
Also, mmmm pizza. I miss having access to really good pizza.
Here’s what I’m looking forward to:
Next week, I’m going to see Godzilla with my husband and our friend (and fellow Toast writer) Zack.
On Thursday, I write my first review for The A.V. Club! This is a dream job, and I’m still metaphorically pinching myself.
In a few weeks, two dear friends of mine are getting married at a farmhouse, with games and a hiking trail and local hams selected by the groom and I plan to get all dressed up, and also to pack a pair of sneakers just in case there is running around with little kids.
I decided to commemorate “Community” (and cheer up my husband, who is taking it harder than I am) by throwing our second-ever “Community” viewing party, complete with paintball cupcakes and tacos in a briefcase. I think we’ll have to put it off until July or thereabouts.
In August, my birthday! I think I’m going to go out for lobster rolls. You heard me: plural.
I’m pretty sure ‘plural’ is the correct way to do birthdays. And OMG congrats on the A.V. Club! That’s so awesome!!
1 day: weekend of art museums and complex carbohydrates in New York City. Way too long, needs to be NOW.
3 days: One night home alone eating pizza and watching kdramas – not too long.
5 days: little beach getaway with my husband on Long Island – not too long.
8 days: Memorial Day Weekend! This means drinking wine, chatting with my cousins, and snuggling their babies – not too long
77 days: moving to NYC. This is WAY too soon I need to find a job and a place to live AHHHHHHHH
Great calendar! Good luck in NYC!!
I’m going to visit an old and dear friend for a couple of days this month, and then I’m taking my partner to travel around the UK for a month! And meet all of my rellies there! And also I am having a summer birthday, being in Europe at the moment. Summer birthdays are amazing. EAT ALL THE BERRIES
Yay visiting friends! and berries are awesome!
I am looking forward to tomorrow, when four adults (including me!) and two kids are driving for 3 hours to spend the weekend with friends and swim in their pool and eat junk food and enjoy the fact that with so many people around the effort of taking care of the two kids is spread out over many many more people. Everyone wins!
Yes I love pizza!
Tomorrow’s the weekend, yay.
Memorial Day weekend in 7 days!
VA Beach vacation with my extended family in early August.
Richmond Folk Festival in October (I’m so excited, my aunt lives there so a lot of my family members have gone in the past, but I’ve never been!).
4 hours – can leave the office without guilt – too long
7 days – beginning of 9-day long glamping vacation – just right, because first I have to pack All the Things
7 days – pay day – too long, because my credit card bill is due in 5 days and I just filed my $1250 expense report
21 days – drive up to my 10-year college reunion – just right, see above re: packing
50 days – my birthday – just right, just figured out I am going to try to plan a picnic
168 days – end of the contract with horrible client I am currently on – definitely way too long
2 days – I take a 72-hour exam that determines whether I can continue in my grad program (yikes)
5 days – That exam is done and I drink
10 days – I run my first race, a 10K
At this point that is about as far forward as I can see.
I do love pizza, but not as much as I love ice cream.
I have a crazy important job negotiation in half an hour and I’m terrified and I really would like it to go well so I could afford a different watercubicle-and-room attachment, or to maybe actually see my external friends this year.
I see by the time stamp that you’re already at the meeting, so I just want to point out how poised and professional you were in there, it was really something to see, YAY YOU.
I LANDED THE HELL OUT OF IT! I’m the first in-house developer at THIS REALLY AWESOME SHOP! (skreeeeee!) (thanks for the vote of confidence!)
Congratulations!!!
I missed the open thread last week because my mom was in town (which was the best, my mom is the best), so I didn’t get to tell yeah-elle that I got her CD and it was SO GOOD YOU GUYS. So good.
Also, she sent me a postcard with dinosaurs on it. BEAT THAT.
ahhh i just left you a message up-thread asking if you got it because i just stuck a bunch o stamps on the envelope instead of taking it to the post. YAYY i am glad you liked it!!! you set a high bar with the mix you sent me!
also yay for moms, i am so excited to go on vacation with mine in a few weeks!
Can we talk about Jill Abramson and… all that? I’ve been reading everything I can find about what might have happened (but not the comments not the comments not the comments) and, as an aggressive, ambitious lady who has had those adjectives leveled as me as insults in my workplaces, I’m over-identifying like mad over here. Help.
Btw, of all of the things I’ve read so far, the Medium piece is my favorite, I think – https://medium.com/theli-st-medium/fab78d0ef87d
BRUSQUE. God. New tattoo. Fucking BRUSQUE. What’s next, pushy? No, that already happened, too.
I am going to add BRUSQUE to my short list of words I want tattooed on my body.
it’s a really short list, the only other word on it is INVIOLATE.
Both of those words have lovely meanings, but the shape and sound of them is also excellent.
I liked Ann Friedman’s piece, too:
“Women never know whether they’re being met with a hostile reaction because of their performance — something that they can address and change — or because of both male and female colleagues’ internalized notions of how women should behave. I’ve asked these questions about my own career: Am I struggling because I’m not playing the game well enough, or because the game is rigged against me?
“…For most women, and anyone else who faces scrutiny as the ‘only one’ in the room, not caring is not an option. This is not because all women necessarily have a deep personal need to be liked by their colleagues; it’s because those colleagues’ gut-level opinions matter greatly when it comes to evaluating a woman’s job performance.”
Relevant aside: How amazing is that Instagram photo of Abramson in boxing gloves?
That’s a great piece. I missed it somehow. Thank you for linking it.
As is apparent in the quotes you included above, it gets right the hell at the heart of the matter – it is and will be impossible to say if what happened to Abramsom is sexism. Is it part of sexist social conditioning that we perceive something to be sexist but still pause and question ourselves? Or are we trying to give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt?
The whole thing fills me with vertiginous horror. I had to stop reading about it yesterday for my own mental health.
Yes! Exactly! I’m trying to compose more of a response to you but I am too disturbed to give it voice.
There seems to be some sentiment going around among Twitter feminists that a) who cares if she was paid less than Keller, since she was paid so much in the grand scheme of things, and b) Arthur Sulzberger says she was not paid less than her male predecessors, so, to quote “Welp!”
I get the Lean In backlash, I think, but when it comes skirting up to the line of “gender pay discrimination against well-off women doesn’t matter,” I have to part company.
Interesting – I have seen this, but I have also seen just the opposite, Twitter feminists proclaiming that any gap is too much of a gap (which I tend to agree with). I think there must be different camps.
I do understand the desire to wait and get more information before drawing conclusions. But it’s hard, in bursts of 140 characters, to get the balance of: “If this is true, and it certainly could be, it is horrible, but this is really fresh news and it’s worth waiting for some investigation.”
I also love the Ann Friedman piece.
I’ve seen a lot of jelly hangin’ out about how much top-level execs get paid generally, and I come down so hard on the Fuck You Pay Me side of the teeter-totter that the other toddler is in orbit.
Yeah, it’s like, I get that Lean In is just totally irrelevant to the lives of most working women, most especially women of color. I get that the problems high-powered female executives face in trying to be treated equally by their sexist peers and bosses pale in comparison to the problems a single mother on food stamps faces in trying to keep her family fed, healthy, and safe. If you want to say that Lean In has nothing to do with your life, I completely hear that. But it actually is a problem that sexism generally keeps women from ascending to the highest positions in business and politics. So to kind of follow Lean In (or related groups/stories) across the web pointing out that hey, this Lean In initiative also has nothing to offer poor women… I don’t get it. They’re up front about addressing a certain set of a problems, the problems they focus on are real, and snarking on them doesn’t do shit for working class women.
Yeah, that’s just foolish. I felt a similar frustration around people who were unsympathetic to Edie Windsor (the plaintiff in the case that overturned DOMA) on the grounds that ‘who cares if a rich lady can’t inherit even more money?’ Go out and fight for greater income equality or wealth redistribution, by all means, but don’t start by picking on the weakest and reinforcing other kinds of oppression.
That… I don’t even. If even the really powerful women can’t get equal pay, doesn’t that mean the rest of us are fucked?
Game of Thrones! Theon, my poor little squid baby.
So, the TV-watching fanboy Nice Guys have really come out swinging with this last episode, eh? I’m glad that they’re not as bad as the book-reading ones when it comes to Sansa, but I’m not sure I expected quite THIS MUCH hate for poor Shae.
Ugh. Fortunately I only follow people on Tumblr whose opinions I (mostly) agree with, so I haven’t encountered too much of that, but I can imagine.
I am a little confused about her throwing Sansa under the bus, though.
Yeah, there’s been a lot of “stupid whore needs to die” things floating around 🙁 In general, they seem to conviniently gloss over the fact that Shae wouldn’t exactly be in a place to say no to Cersei and Tywin, nor does she know that Tyrion was horribly mean to her to protect her. There was one guy at the AV Club kind of hilariously going on about how Tyrion “had told him that he loved her which she didn’t deserve, and given her things she didn’t deserve” and all sorts of inappropriate projection.
Barf. Can’t wait until Tyrion does that thing he does! Fanboys are going to flip their shit.
That’s the one upside of his arc: it makes him an anti-hero even the gross people who think Don Draper and Walter White are awesome aren’t going to be able to fanboy
I guess they asked Lily Allen to play Asha Yara? That would have been deeply strange.
Yeah, I’m calling shenanigans on that one. She says it would have been a cameo, but Yara is a long-term character. I also don’t think she’s ever acted in…anything. Bullshit, Lily!
I saw that interview and if true YUCK. And I mean, the show and books generally do a thoughtful job of depicting incest. It’s either horrifying (Craster and his daughters) or makes a certain amount of sense given the fucked up family dynamics (Jaime and Cersei). But wanting to display actual incest on TV? It just confirms the feeling I get that HBO’s CEO of Tits needs to Take the Black (work at USA) or step up to the block on Baelor’s steps.
Have you seen the web series “Gay of Thrones?” Your comment reminded me of “poor little baby boy Theon…”
theon is such a zoidberg
Ok, so my weekdays have been kind of rough, but my weekends are continuing to be amazing.
Last weekend I got my hair chopped off into a pixie-ish cut and dyed it dark red. So thanks for all the Toastie encouragement the other week. It looks fucking amazing!
Tomorrow my husband and I are celebrating our first date anniversary(we are lame) by going to our favorite restaurant where we will gorge ourselves. Then we’re going to the place where we had our first date, Nats Park! And Saturday’s game is one of the few this year that is BRING YOUR OWN PUPPY. We don’t have a puppy, but we’re sitting in one of the puppy sections and it’s going to be the greatest!
And next weekend gets even better! Because we are going to New York City to visit our in-laws/niece but more deliciously, to do a pizza and ice cream (and doughnuts and bread and falafel and cupcakes and OMG we’re going to die) tour of the city. And did I mention the super cute niece we’re going to babysit!? And we get to bring home bagels!
Oh my God a bring your own puppy section.
Overall your weekends sound incredible, I am so glad you are able to have good ones as a break from the week!
Bring your own puppy. Just the idea makes me want to weep tears of joy.
And I, too, have been having horrible weekdays BUT I’m looking forward to a weekend full of pizza and beer and staying in bed as long as I want and watching all of the TV because we just got HBO GO.
Yes, that too sounds like an amazing weekend!
Yay pixie cut! I’m glad you went for it!
Thanks! It was completely the right thing to do.
I am using this as mental ammunition to consider getting my own hair cut off short!
DO IT. My neck is free of the tyranny of oppressive hair at last! Just in time for summer!
BRING YOUR OWN PUPPY
BRING YOUR OWN PUPPY
BRING YOUR OWN PUPPY
I know! I can’t wait for the day when I shall have my own puppy to bring! I even sorta asked around to see if I could bring anyone else’s, but all the dogs I know are kind of too neurotic for such things.
Yay puppies and pixies!
Where are some of the places you’re going in NY?
We only really have one day plus maybe an afternoon to do stuff in the city, so we’re trying to stay in a fairly compact area. Except for Ample Hills, which I have to go to OMG salted crack caramel I must have you!
I think we’re mostly sticking around the West Village area-ish (I’m not super familiar with NYC). So Prince Street Pizza, Taim, Big Gay Ice Cream, Molly’s Cupcakes, Bleecker St. Pizza, Victory Garden, and Joe’s Pizza are all on the list. Plus a couple other places more out of the way. Just writing that list was scary. I really hope our stomachs don’t explode.
Any New Yorkers have favorite pizza and/or ice cream places they want to recommend!?
My old neighborhood. Good plan! You wouldn’t be too far from Chelsea Market, which has Arte del Gelato and Jacques Torres chocolates among other things (and it’s near the High Line, if you need to walk it all off). Also, there’s a fancy, expensive Italian gelato place, Grom, in the W Village.
And in the East Village, there’s Sundaes and Cones, which has more Asian flavors, like taro and black sesame ice cream.
Bark in the park!!!!!!!!!
Work is doing that thing for me today where I feel like I’m screwing up even though I know that objectively I’ve not done anything wrong and it’s just one of those “the wheels of the universe are turning and you can’t stop them” kind of situations. I still feel bad, though. I’ll be glad to log off at the end of the day, that’s for sure.
In other news, my best friend (who recently moved to Nashville, and is now a few hours away from me) is back in town to visit and we’re going to get sushi for lunch and this thought is actually keeping me alive right now.
Does anyone want to talk about drag with me?
How do you define it? Is it limited to the performance of the opposite gender? What are your opinions on/experiences with drag? Have you ever done it? How would you describe a successful and entertaining performance?
I have always had a very complicated relationship with drag (shortly after I began my transition my friend developed her drag king persona and would come to me for pointers, which…stung, a bit), but the urge to try it has always been in the back of my mind. I am typically a very quiet and awkward person, but I think with the right kind of prep, drag could be the platform for the theatrical performer I have inside me. I’m getting the itch to think about trying, but I have no idea where to start.
(My eternal apologies if this shows up a billion times; my phone is being wacky.)
I have a lot of complicated feelings about drag. I understand that there is a rich history behind it, most of which I was not even alive for, so I have limited ability to really judge/comment on certain things.
HOWEVER, I will say that (mainstream) Drag Today consists largely of mocking women and femininity, which I am 100% not okay with. When I hear men using words like “bitch,” “slut,” “cunt,” “fish,” etc., and it’s magically okay because they’re wearing a wig it makes me really sad and angry. Double that when those words are used “playfully” by drag queens and directed at women. I also see a lot of cultural appropriation by white drag queens and it makes me so uncomfortable.
I read a quote about drag once, and I wish I could remember who to attribute it to, but it sums up my feelings pretty adequately: “You don’t get to mock the cage you put us in.”
It’s fun to hang out with drag queens and to see people playing with gender, but at the end of the day it doesn’t sit well with my feminist politics. :/
THAT BEING SAID, blanket statements always have their exceptions. If you decide to pursue drag, the fact that you’re asking people about it tells me that you would do it thoughtfully and deliberately.
*end of rant*
Yes yes yes, the large majority of mainstream drag queens just rub me the wrong way for just this reason. And perhaps this is why I’m so hesitant, because I just feel kind of ill at the thought of exposing myself to that?
I don’t see drag as mocking women at all. It’s always struck me as a loving celebration of femininity, and a rebellion against the ways in which masculinity can also be a cage. And visa versa, for drag kings. An art that plays with gender performance and shows how optional and malleable it can be seems pretty feminist-friendly to me.
That said, the “bitch” “slut” stuff can definitely be overdone, and done badly without a real understanding of the context of those words, and I’m with you on the cultural appropriation. So, acts/performers must be taken individually on their own merits.
To me, it’s the deliberate, winky, over-the-top performance of any gender role, even if that gender role happens to match up with the one that you roll with in your day-to-day life. So a woman could be a drag queen, in my book, although I know Ru doesn’t allow bio women on the Drag Race. When somebody takes the accessories and signifiers of a gender role and pushes them out to 11 and makes it entertaining, that’s drag to me.
DRAG KINGS ARE HOT AS SHIT AND IF YOU KNOW ANY HAVE THEM CALL ME
this ends my important opinion
This week I saw Only Lovers Left Alive. I… am still processing it. Several times I had the uncomfortable sensation of being the only person laughing. I mean, not huge loud belly laughs, but I thought several moments were chuckle worthy. Apparently the rest of the (admittedly very small) audience did not. What did you all think, Toasticians?
Yes I am so excited to talk about this weird-ass movie! I… think I really liked it? But I have no idea why because literally nothing happens. I definitely thought it was funny though, as did the people I saw it with (my mom and my boyfriend).
I never really understood the internet’s collective obsession with Tom Hiddleston… but the punk rock vampire look really works for him. I GET IT NOW, INTERNET.
I was definitely expecting more to happen. If I’m going to spend two hours watching people do almost nothing, Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston are the way to go, though.
Soooo true. Also, I am choosing to pretend that the movie is just a dramatization of their actual lives, as they are clearly real life vampires.
Well, Ms. Swinton is eternal.
same! friend and I didn’t have very strong feelings re: Hiddleston before the movie, but daaaaaaamn son. We Get It Now.
I felt much like that after seeing him in Coriolanus.
Man, how good was Coriolanus? (very)
Whizz-bang acting, smart staging. Whole package.
Oh man. It was so good. I saw it and I loved it INSTANTLY and maybe FOREVER and I thought it was a beautiful essay on what it means to be a gothic romantic in this era, and also a lovely story about being in love for a really long time.
And Swinton was funny, perfect, warm, while still being a huge gothy hippie. THE SUGGESTIONS ABOUT FAMILY DYNAMICS!
That joke about Daisy Buchanan!
Co-starring Detroit in a clever homage to both ghost towns/the direct story AND the Crow!
All my hearts, it was very funny.
I think my favorite bits were when Eve talked to things like the skunk and the mushrooms, because I do that exact thing constantly and it made me feel so much better about myself to see Tilda’s character doing it too.
oh man, the mushrooms! that was so endearing.
Also the look on Swinton’s face, giddy with delight, in the last shot.
And the line “Well that was… visual.”
Yes/agreed to this whole subthread. I giggled my way through the whole movie. I would not have thought that a movie about Tall Pale People Wearing Leather and Fright Wigs in the Dark would could’ve been described as “adorkable,” but so it is.
And we’ve been listening to the soundtrack obsessively ever since.
Well done, Pal Jarmusch and friends.
I just saw it last week as well, and I laughed quite a bit! You’re not alone!
I laughed out loud a couple of times. Especially once the sister arrived on the scene. What was the line about Ian when Tom Hiddleston found him on the sofa? I chuckle-snorted loudly at that.
“You drank Ian!”
Oh, I looooved it. It was such a beautiful darkly comic moody film. I went into it in sort of a bad mood and came out all starry-eyed.
Poor Ian, though, right?
Yeah, poor lil’ dude. I loved the bit about the sunglasses in the club.
Oh Ian. You really should have taken the invitation to go.
Oh I giggled so much. I think I found it quite beautiful, somewhat interesting, and pretty damn funny.
I saw it last weekend with a friend, and really, really liked it. idk, I went in expecting two hours of Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton being glamorously slouchy vampires and… that’s what I got! 😉 I was satisfied. Definitely got some laughs out of us, too – not in a belly laugh way, like you said, but I thought it was a pretty funny movie at points. (and seeing how the theater only had like 5 people in it, I can honestly say that ALMOST HALF of the audience laughed!)
NUMBERS DON’T LIE. I am vindicated.
Ah good, I want to see this and I’m glad Toasties are verifying that it’s worth watching. I would probably not be interested if it starred different actors, but “Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston are hipster vampires” is a concept I’m behind 100%.
It’s SO funny! The moment John Hurt’s character was revealed (don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen) I was like, “I’M IN!” So full of awesome music and literary references. And I now have a list of shit that I need to do better in life: 1) Hair 2) Clothes 3) Lounging with intent 4) Touring cities in the dark
so, i broke up with my boyfriend this week.
i am 110% sure that it was the right thing to do, so i feel relieved, but shitty about feeling relieved. oof.
“I feel relieved, but shitty about feeling relieved. Oof”.
Ooh, I can relate to this feeling; don’t worry, those survivor guilt trappings will eventually ride off into the sunset.
good to knowwww
his reaction (demanding an explanation > claiming i misunderstood his character > claiming i jumped to conclusions) makes me more sure than ever that this was the right thing to do, but it also has the wonderful side effect of making me feel angry and frustrated while also justified and guiltily relieved. ughhhhh
That’s it right there. Go ahead and remind me why I broke up with you in the first place. It really is a gift that some exes will give you. Again and again.
Oof, “I demand an explanation” types. I will never understand why “I want to break up” is not sufficient explanation on its own to people like that…
yes, especially since in the spirit of not leaving him totally in the dark, i did offer an explanation! about as thorough of one as i could give while refraining from being cruel, honestly.
it just wasn’t what he wanted to hear though, so i was…wrong. i don’t think he even wanted to change my mind, i think he just wanted to prove that i was somehow misguided (misinformed? hasty? totally whack in the poo-brain???) in my decision.
we went back and forth for a while before i was like, look, discount my words or take them as gospel or anywhere in between, it doesn’t matter to me, i’m out.
DO NOT understand that. Had that once. It was definitely dodging a bullet.
Because if they hear your reasons, they can try to argue out of them.
But really, why do you want to be with a person who doesn’t want to be with you?
Sounds like you actively dodged a bullet; good for you in getting out!
Sent from my iPad
As if “I don’t want to be here” isn’t a good enough explanation? Why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them?
seriously.
in my own experiences of being dumped, i always had friends who were like, “did you ask WHY?” and i just remember thinking, whatever reason they can provide is either going to piss me off or hurt me, so why would i want to know? all i know is that they don’t want to be with me, the end.
hahahahhaha WELL SINCE YOU ASKED
Right? People keep asking me regarding my situation right now if I’ve talked to him about it, and I’m like, I know he doesn’t want to be here, I don’t want to hear anything else. I mean, if there’s something we can work on to fix it, by all means let’s talk about that until our lungs fall out, but if there’s not then I don’t need any more details running around (and around and around and…) in my head, thanks.
I also hate that the question of “Why” assumes that a reason could be explained rationally, or could be broken into a soundbite.
Yeah, it will take a while…a long while…but just think of it as you setting him freeeeeeeee
and do things that you really, really enjoy in the meantime. Enjoy your freedom too and after long you won’t feel guilty for having it.
shitty about feeling relieved. oof.
That’s a good signal that your empathy is working at full capacity, so GO YOU, you’re a compassionate human being! It’s important to have compassion for those who are hurt (however justly and unavoidably) by our choices, and it’s just as important to have compassion for yourself. Be kind to yourself while your feelings level out.
It’s so calming to know you did the right thing. Coming out of a relationship is like surfacing after a diving mishap: it takes some time to depressurize and breathe easily. Be patient with yourself.
“Coming out of a relationship is like surfacing after a diving mishap: it takes some time to depressurize and breathe easily. ”
Thank you for so beautifully and accurately describing what the last three months of my life have been like! It’s getting better and feeling more normal every day.
The guy I was dating & I sort of broke up. How do you sort of break up, you ask? Well, after I sent a slightly angry text in response to his VERY passive aggressive, manipulative texts, he stopped responding. And I have not heard from him for 4 days. That’s one way to end a relationship, I guess.
Oh listen, I remember fist-pumping (hopefully mentally, but I think actually literablly, but hopefully out of his line of vision) after I finally managed to break up with my live-in boyfriend of 4.5 years. I didn’t mean to be insensitive, and I truly loved him and cared about him, but hooooooly was I relieved because ending it was really really hard and I desperately wanted to be out.
My mom has managed to stretch out her birthday for an entire week, just because she can. Tomorrow is the family party in the evening, as well as Only Lovers Left Alive in the morning, next Friday is her actual birthday, next Saturday she’s having me cook her a wonderfully gourmet dinner (think the fois gras/duck a l’orange/fancy champagne type) that she says she might let me share, and tonight it’s Godzilla at the very fancy theater with the leather recliners and beer. That woman loves her French food and kaiju.
To be fair, so do I.
It’s my birthday today and I’m celebrating with crab dip waffle fries tonight (thanks to the lovely person who posted the photo in the comments to Food Crimes last week! It’ll be totally worth all the Sicilian grannies chasing my ass down to disapprove) and a party tomorrow. It’s a long weekend, spring is kind of almost here, and my friends and I are going to have goofy times together. What are you celebrating, fellow Toasties?
happy crab dip waffle fry celebration day!!!
Happy crab dip waffle birthday!
It’s finally stopped snowing! I’m cooking tasty food for some friends this weekend. Those two aren’t necessarily related, but I’m pretty happy about both.
leaving a shitty job and moving to a new city! WOO!
double bonus awesome!
I had my weekly Pathfinder game last night and one of our player characters may or may not have died (it was a complicated situation involving magic), and I am UNREASONABLY UPSET about it, y’all. Like, I keep worrying about her like she is a real person. Am I alone? There are other tabletop nerds here; do y’all have these problems?
Haha, you’re like a prime case study for those old Chick Tracts or whatever, about taking D&D too seriously.
That said, I have been upset when my own characters died. This was a character I’d played for like 3 years at that point. I was sad, he was really well developed as a character (and obviously also as a PC) and he was a lot of fun to play.
But then we soon started another campaign where I played an Australian left-handed halfling thief who was afraid of lemons and loved hot dogs. So.
When my tabletop group gets together outside of gaming, we end up slipping back into character and bickering A LOT about things that we forget never actually happened. (Not a single one of our characters rolled a decent charisma score. There’s a lot of bickering.)
A few games ago, I had to abandon my lady warlord, and not a game goes by that I don’t worry how she’s doing. I’m fairly convinced that though the DM gave her a good end, she’s probably drowning in sorrow and alcohol. I’m genuinely concerned. So yeah. I feel you.
I’ve totally been upset when a great PC leave for whatever reason (sometimes it’s player boredom and they want to make someone new, and I still feel upset), and one of my dearest friends was in a game where she broke down in tears when a long term NPC died for plot reasons. You are so very not alone.
I was VERY upset when my last animal companion died. Stupid Beholders.
My ranger still mourns her little pet mouse, Frederick, who was killed by the pernicious presence of a nuckelavee. Last night, actually, my party suggested she attract a mouse to feed to a magical white snake we needed to talk to, and she STAUNCHLY refuses, hacking off a piece of her own flesh instead.
Aw, Frederick! (We have a druid in the party right now who gets VERY UPSET when one of his summoned critters gets killed in combat. Luckily they have an astonishingly high survival rate — I think all but one of them have made it through the entire duration of the spell.)
I used to feel a slight twinge about that too, but then someone found a rule somewhere that stated that summoned creatures aren’t “real”, exactly, they only exist for the duration of a spell. That made me feel better, somehow?
My half-elf ranger Marcella has died five times now, and last time I accepted a lowered con rather than roll up a new PC. I’ve been playing her for four years and I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
So no, not alone atall.
Oh, I am totally at ease with my inclination to throw a fit when my OWN character dies. (Many years ago when my husband was running our group’s D&D game, he briefly “killed” my character for plot reasons without warning me about it first — everything was totally fine in the end! She got better in like 30 seconds! She just had to have a brief, plot-relevant conversation with the God of Death! And yet the fight about “YOU PLANNED THAT, YOU KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, YOU DID NOT WARN ME, THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM” is I think still the record-holder for Biggest Fight We’ve Ever Had.) I feel weird about being this bent out of shape over someone else’s character, though.
You are not alone!
I don’t see the difference between crying when someone dies in a movie, or getting outraged when your favourite TV character is killed, and being really upset when a game character is in the same situation? Stories are big powerful things.
My husband’s character was petrified for about 6 months in his game and he was really upset about it when it happened. But a few months ago the petrify was fixed, and he was so so happy.
So, that is totally a normal thing, probably.
I think it makes even more sense than being sad when a book character dies (which, I definitely get sad.) I mean, while your character isn’t you, it is a unique thing, a weird fusion of the character and the person playing them, and they kind of have a life of their own, but not really, but kind of?
My group plays a silly/serious Savage Worlds game over Skype, and this one character, Sid, is a body-swapping psychic alien ghost, and he’s noticeably different as a character depending on whose body he’s wearing vs when he has no body, vs the most recent game where he got his original body back. And I know that these are all concious choices that the player is making in order to present his character, but even knowing that, all the various iterations of Sid are SO DIFFERENT than Brian, the dude who plays Sid that I basically think of them as separate entities. Like, only Brian can roleplay Sid, and Sid is created by Brian’s concious choices, but Brian is not Sid. Same with my character, (a genderless killer robot with a heart of gold). Out of game, I refer to my character in the 3rd person, like an author talks about her protagonist.
I think reading fiction and watching shows set us up for this kind of thing, really, because we get so invested in these characters on the page and think of them like they’re people even though we know there’s a finite amount of book, and it was written years ago, and someone planned out exactly what was going to happen to this person on the page. And then we start roleplaying, and it’s all coming out spontaneously, and we don’t know how long it will go, nothing is planned, but it’s all fictional. It’s like a fusion of how we interact with people in real life, and how we interact with characters in fiction.
So, uh yeah. Sorry for the novel, but I definitely think that a well roleplayed character makes you feel like they are a real person, and makes you care about them, and I refuse to think that’s weird.
Toasties! I mostly passed my qualifying exam! Which means I get to skip the Masters and go straight to a PhD. Which is what I want most days, on good days. I still have to do the oral portion to address issues with the written. I was sort of excited about taking a break, but now I have to make sure I know the things I did not. I am TIRED. But also pretty proud. My office mate did not pass- so we are drinking together today? I’m not sure what to do with that? Office mates, man. But I learned things!!! And wrote them down in my terrible handwriting! And now I get to level up! How are you? Especially graduate school humans? Feeling good bad? As tired as I am? I have so much Toast to read!
Being able to skip the master’s is the Best Thing Ever; congratulations! That is a not inconsiderable achievement, get down with your bad self!
CONGRATULATIONS! That’s amazing!
Congratulations! That is no mean feat! 😀
CONGRATULATIONS! You must feel so relieved.
I handed in my LAST SEMINAR PAPER EVER today, meaning that I’m done with coursework, then it’s on to quals (August), then to the dissertation. I feel relief that even though I have a bunch more work to do, I never have to juggle three seminars, teaching, and conferences/publishing ever again.
Congratulations from another Toastie grad student human! I did the written portion of my exams last week, and passed the oral portion yesterday! It’s SO GREAT to be done!!!
I think the drinking together in solidarity is the best thing you can do for your office mate, and then being there if zhe wants to talk about it, or not talk about it, or whatever. That’s a tough situation, though. (I had a similar thing with my office mate earlier in the year, and it was uncomfortable.) But take time to celebrate your awesome success too!
Congratulations to you too!!! 😀 Lookit everyone in this thread, getting all PhD-ish. High fives all round!
Congratulations!!! 😀 That’s glorious. Good luck with your office-mate. Can yo do hugs? And also, can you do some proper celebrating where everyone is unadulteratedly happy for you before you get back to work? Because that’s important. You rock!
xxoo,
Someone who was in your shoes four years ago and nowadays goes by Dr. Sharone if you’re nasty
I AM DOING THIS IN TWO DAYS AND I AM TERRIFIED.
Also, congratulations! What a wonderful feeling that must be. Cheers!
Just a reminder, tee-shirt campaign is closing soon. Be the coolest kid on the block, etc, etc…..
http://teespring.com/thetoasthamlettexts
http://teespring.com/hamletollyophelia
http://teespring.com/thetoastronbledorearmy
what happens if you don’t meet the 100 minimum? 🙁
You ever see Old Yeller? It’s like that. But Matt is the dog.
🙁
Oh, alright. The rabid dog can live in the barn. But you have to feed and walk him!
I’ll make sure he’s treated real good!
Man, I’d hate to see poor Matt get put down, but I’m on a self-imposed clothes-buying ban for the next few months so I can’t join in the fun. (So I went ahead and just sent y’all a small donation to make up for it.)
I need more t-shirt options and a Toast mug, please!
Sad story: I ruined my last tee-shirt in a frustrated stab at coolness. I cut the neck and sleeves off, Flash Dance-style, and accidentally sliced into the Toast logo on the back. It was the one that had the “You can always take to the sea” quote on it, too – a personal favorite Toast quote!
Is that one still available? Can we get MOAR?
My interim move has devolved into a not-great situation. I’m optimistic that a for-reals place will appear in a walkable neighborhood, but cuando cuando cuando cuando? Feeling impatient. And I totally want to do the CD swap but will have to get a friendlier computer first. Last time I tried to make one for myself this PC pushed me off my chair, chose the playlist and order and burned it before I could suggest that M.I.A. and Patty Griffin might like a little more daylight between them. That’s just rude.
M.I.A. and Patty Griffin might like a little more daylight between them. That’s just rude.
ahahahahahahaha forever
So my mister is a high school teacher at an all-girls dropout recovery school (many of his kids are pregnant or have kids, some have been homeless, some in foster care, etc.). Their prom is Saturday night. A lot of his kids identify with him because they’re rebel misfit too-cool-for-school types, like him. He said he’d show up to the prom – which he really doesn’t want to do because he thinks proms are dumb. But I think not only should he go but he should be genuine about it (he wants to wear some crazy yellow suit or something). I think that 80% of those girls who are dragging their feet actually deep down inside want to put on a dress (or whatever comfortable formal attire is appropriate for them) and just go to the prom and have it be a sweet thing. The reason they fight it is because they think they can’t have it. But it’s possible that I’m totally projecting here and, in fact, just describing my high school self. Do any toasties have a thought? Should I stop bugging him about it? Or bug him WAY MORE?
It’s not a prom for him, it’s a prom for his students. It kind of doesn’t matter what his personal feelings are about proms, he should do what is most positive for his students.
Right? How do I gently say “dude, grow up.”
The way Girl Named Jack said it.
I think sometimes it’s better to not be gentle about it, and this may be one of those times. “Honey, I love you, and I get where you’re coming from, but I think right now you need to be a grown up and think about what’s best for your students.”
Gentle is for him. But this isn’t about him. When you advocate for children, firm-to-strong is in order.
Couldn’t’ve said it better.
My thought is if he shows up at prom in some crazy yellow suit he makes anyone who sincerely wanted to go to prom a joke. If he genuinely takes it seriously the worst that can happen is that there are exactly zero girls who sincerely wanted to go to prom and he’s the joke. The difference is that he can probably (hopefully) handle being the joke.
This is it right here.
I think that’s right, but maybe add that he can do some kind of little flair of rebellion, like wear a normal suit but a sort of wacky tie or Converse All-Stars or something. Something to say that he’s taking it seriously enough, but you also don’t have to adapt to conventions 100%. I think that’s a pretty good lesson for life in general: Show up, take it seriously, but not toooo seriously.
David Tenant proved that converse go VERY well with a well-fitting suit.
Yes, I like this. The yellow suit sounds like it would be going a little too far, but if he’s got a reputation as a rebel guy already, I think it would make sense for him to be dressed up but have some flair.
For sure. He doesn’t even own just a plain suit and tie. But he can still do his version of formal.
Thanks for the reinforcement, everyone! I texted him that I thought that this was an important opportunity for his kids to see him be sincere about helping them feel comfortable in an intimidating situation and that there’s at least one girl who’s secretly really looking forward to it and he wouldn’t want to make her feel foolish. He responded right away that he’d been thinking about it too and that not only does he agree with me but that earlier today he volunteered to pay for the chocolate fountain that they hadn’t been able to fundraise for. (Now we’re talking about what to do with the leftovers… j/k, I told him that there is no way is that recycled chocolate sludge getting anywhere near my mucous membranes.)
Hooray!
Aww, that’s excellent.
Good for Dadthra! He will be spared in the upcoming Misandrist Revolution.
I would say he should take it seriously. He’s the one in the position of power, if they take it seriously and he doesn’t, they’ll feel silly.
Having the teacher you look up to and identify with make a joke of prom, whether these girls are excited for it or don’t really care, will either make the girls who care feel bad or reaffirm to the girls who don’t care that insincerity is cool. He doesn’t have to chaperone or anything? I think you are right on this one. It would be very sweet if he went just for a bit and was genuine about it.
ETA there was a really popular gruff male teacher at my high school, and he was at my junior prom.. Not out there DANCING or anything, but he took photos with the students, complimented everyone’s fancy outfits, and when half of a couple started crying in the bathroom because she thought her relationship was ending on prom (ROUGH), he drove her back to the school parking lot so she could go home. I thought that was ALL very nice of him. And the next Monday, he was back to his normal self (including making a comment that my hair looked very “different” at prom than it normally did).
If he said he would go, he should go. I mean, it’s not like it would be the FINAL BETRAYAL and his students would LOSE THEIR FAITH IN HUMANITY FOREVER if he didn’t, but it sounds like they’ve maybe not had a lot of exposure to adults who respect them and treat them like promises to them are worth keeping. It’s only a couple hours, right? He’ll survive.
Yeah, especially for kids who have been through some tough times, just having one nice fun thing that goes well can mean a lot.
My new play premieres in 65 minutes. I probably would not have written it if I’d known how hard it would be to track down a vintage edition of the board game “Guess Who.”
Ooooh, EXCITING!!!
Congrats!
Thanks!
Anybody here into rock climbing? Can we talk about training and such? How often do you climb, do you do any other things to keep fit and balance the arm muscles, etc?
Get a climbing board for installation above a door in your home. Toughens up your hands and makes you keep up strength in those arms and shoulders. Practice different pull-ups to exercise all your upper body muscles. I used to go 4-5 times a week with my son but we recently fell off bc I have been busy. 🙁
Okay, I realize that anytime anyone mentions rock climbing or, like, just being near or thinking about rocks, I come ROARING IN like a MONSTER. I just have a lot of feelings about rock climbing, you guys! Everyone should rock climb; it is the tits.
So. Anyway. I climb (in the gym) three times a week–any more than that and I start to develop elbow issues (in part because I spend too much time on crimp-y stuff, and not enough on juggy overhanging climbs, so ymmv). I do yoga once a week, cardio at least every other day, and some basic core and arm workouts when I’m bored, but my opinion/experience/what I’ve been told is that until you’re climbing 5.12s and up, the best way to improve your climbing is to climb more! Pushups are good for countering turtle-back, though, and there are some easy hand-stretches you can do to help prevent tendonitis which…I should do, probably right now.
Now tell me EVERYTHING about your climbing/workout/hopes and dreams!
I only went rock climbing once during camp when I was like 12 and how much I loved it has stayed w me! Im trying to develop a new / interesting work out routine so maybe I should look into climbing!
YOU SHOULD EVERYONE SHOULD
Seriously, climbing is the best: it’s social, but you don’t need to have the same skill/experience as your companions; you can start at any fitness level; the learning curve is very steep so there’s a lot of positive reinforcement/gratification.
Plus it will give you GORGEOUS back muscles. I got out of the shower yesterday, looked at myself in the mirror and actually said, out loud, “YO, I got some TRAPS” (what the fuck are you talking about, responded my cat).
What’s your advice on getting into outdoors climbing without paying $150+ for the gym-sponsored class? I always hear things like, “anytime you want to come with us, give a shout!” but… social things are weird. Are these just passing fake invitations, or are they real?
All the experienced outdoor climbers I know are truly, genuinely delighted to take newbies out and show them the ropes (hey-o!). The only time there’s grumbling/it’s inconvenient is when the ratio of leaders to non-leaders gets too low. Give them a shout! (also, buy a helmet!)
They’re real, but be sure to ask what sort of equipment you’ll need–at minimum you would need your own climbing shoes–and what sort of training you need (belay/lead) for the sort of climbing they’re doing. I’ve been brought on outdoor climbing trips with acquaintances before and to do so doesn’t seem to be a huge deal in the climbing community.
Also, if your friends have gym memberships, the gyms often have deals where members get buddy passes for friends, or bring-a-newbie nights, that kind of thing. Climbing gyms also show up on Groupon and whatnot semi-frequently. I don’t know what your experience level is, but gym climbing is easier than outdoor climbing so starting out there may be a better way to get a handle on climbing and whether you like if you haven’t tried it before.
I do already go to the gym 1-2x/week, and I’ve been outdoors before. But the person I used to go with revealed himself to be a scumbag… so looking for new climbing buddies. 🙂
Ah, then yes, definitely go for it! After my move it was almost ridiculous how hard I glommed onto any acquaintance that climbed or showed interest in it for lack of climbing buddies. And it worked out just fine, and one of my climbing buddies (we just met at the gym, which is another good option, climbing is so social I love it) became a burritos-and-Scrabble buddy as well, so that worked out great. There are also climbing oriented meetup groups which could be a good route (get it?).
I will join you in those feels, what took me so long to start climbing? It’s the best!
I climb twice a week (mostly). I’ve worked my way up to a 6+ now, but it’s all just fun and hanging off stuff and pretending I’m in the Hunger Games or in order to get up. I feel like at this point, I should learn a thing or two about ‘technique’. I know the very basics, like you should use your legs more than arms, keeping pelvis close to the wall yadda yadda, but my knowledge stops there.
Pushups, eh? I do none of those, but I do the ashtanga yoga where you have to go from plank to upward dog using only arms, and I’ve noticed muscle developing from that. I thought the big worry was keeping triceps fit though? There’s a bar at my climbing gym for doing tricep dips and things, and I try, but it’s not near as fun as climbing itself so I usually neglect that.
Seriously, what a rewarding sport though! I love the feeling of conquering a new climb. I’m aiming at this point to do the one where you clip in your own rope as you go (not sure of the English word for that).
Oh, and an unexpected bonus was the surplus of hot young men at the climbing gym. The place is lousy with them, my pick up game has increased 200%. A nice perk for people attracted to menfolk like me!
I climb, mostly at the gym. I go 1-2x/week, which is enough for me. I occasionally (like once a month when I think “oh shit, I need to work out more if I’m actually going to build any strength) do some free weight exercises. I bike everywhere, so if that counts as cardio, then I do approx 1 hour of cardio 6-7 days a week.
Mostly I’m excited about the fact that I recently got lead certified, and I’m still working on getting comfortable with that. And I need to commit to going to the women’s bouldering night more often. Also, I need to make more friends who climb outside and get them to take me with them.
I agree with snaxstax that yoga is a great adjunct to climbing. It’s good for tensile strength, flexibility and balance. Some upper body weight training is good. I also do a little cardio–like 15 minutes–on an elliptical for warm up before climbing at the gym.
I should probably consider warming up too. I just attack the wall from standing, I can see how that might not be the best idea.
Whee, a climbing thread! I used to climb about 3x a week and have now been doing more like 1-2x because life, and also because I moved to a new city where I didn’t live with my best climbing buddy and the gym wasn’t five blocks away anymore. I almost exclusively boulder as well–used to top rope maybe once a month but haven’t been doing so in a few months, though I have a top roping date this weekend so it should be fun to get the ol’ endurance up again.
I cycle everywhere and do occasional yoga, but I do want to try and focus more on complementary sports, probably either upping the yoga or getting back into lap swimming? I’ve been making a greater effort to warm up when I climb, which for me usually consists of climbing a bunch of v0/1s verrrry slowly and staticly, then going to the stretching area and doing some yoga flows, arm stretches, and whatever other stretches feel good. Haha, not very regimented. Definitely open to suggestions and interested in other people’s regimens!
Oh man this thread is making me feel so sad about how little I’ve been using my gym’s (surprisingly good) rock wall lately! I got into rock climbing in college when I worked at a remote outdoor education place in rural WV, and our people had an agreement with the people who owned a nearby rock preserve — it was closed to public climbing (too many deaths was the rumor, never found out how true that was) but we were allowed to come and climb whenever we wanted. This place: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nelson_Rocks
It was the shiiiiiiit. I never learned how to lead climb or anything very legit, but I did a lot of climbing with people who were super hardcore and experienced and it was really cool.
Also interested in other people’s workout tips always and forever.
I got into climbing in January and am loving it. I happen to be lucky in that I have several friends who are professional mountaineers and/or climbing instructors.
I just do it for fun and don’t train seriously, but try to make it to the gym about 3X per week and have improved quite a bit just doing that. I like going with a partner so we can belay each other, but will happily boulder or use the auto-belay if I’m alone. When I have a partner I try to either work on things that are super hard for me or work on new things if my partner is willing to teach a little. When I’m alone I just try to do a lot of repetitions of routes that are fairly easy for me; then, in the end, I’ll climb until “failure” (i.e. until my arms give out mid route).
I think either way it is super important to warm up first. One of my climbing instructor friends told me this and I ignored him and would always get super pumped very quickly. Once I started doing 4-6 warm up routes on something easy I was able to climb longer.
I think Rock and Ice has some good articles about training for climbers:
http://www.rockandice.com/lates-news/free-climbin…
If you are a female type, this one is also somewhat good (although I’m not certain why these tips apply just to women?): http://cruxcrush.com/2013/05/30/three-training-my…
I’M FINALLY GRADUATING WOO!!! (at 25) (with an undergraduate degree) (because instead of being a COOL TEEN and going to college right out of high school, I was a COOL TEEN who got super sick and was housebound for about three years out of high school- an option only for THE COOLEST TEENS) (but at least it is from a PRESTIGIOUS IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL) (and after this weekend I can stop adding parentheticals and asterisks whenever anyone asks me what school I past tense went to for college)
Now to, uh, figure out what to do with my life.
Congraduations!
Aw, yay! Congratulations!
Congratulations! You have your whole life to figure out your life; enjoy today!
Yay you! Congratulations on finishing your degree! It’s a big accomplishment at whatever age you complete it 🙂
Congratulations! I also took the long way ’round through undergrad (just stupidness and laziness and freaked-outedness to blame for it) and graduated at 26. It was so nice to be done! (And then I jumped into grad school and there went the next 10 years of my life.)
Congratulations!
Congratulations! I graduated from undergrad at 25 too – I know you feel light years behind your peers, but really, everyone follows their own path. Happy happy day to you!
p.s. What to do with your life is something you’ll spend the next like 50 years at least figuring out. This weekend, celebrate your own awesomeness! 🙂
I just posted this on Twitter but…Goldblum and Dinosaurs are happening outside in Silver Lake on July 10th!!!!!!
http://silverlakepictureshow.com/lineup/
Living in San Francisco, I’m legally obligated to hate all things LA but…damn. You got us beat, and hard.
SAMANTHA YOU WERE GREAT THIS WEEK, COME BACK SOON
So…are we doing a Toast meetup or what? Because watching Goldblum and dinosaurs outside and toasting with Toasties sounds like the best thing in the world. Jurassic Park is one of my top 10 favorite movies ever. (Not the favorite movies I use to impress people, I’m talking favorite movies I will drop everything to watch. The REAL favorites.)
Oh yes!
Also, meeting with a real estate agent NEXT WEEK. Home-owning Toasties, tell me the best and worst thing about looking for a house. I wanna know what I’m in for!
House or condo? Burbs or city?
House, and technically the city, but a kinda ‘burby part of it. We’re not looking downtown or anything.
Get pre-approved for a loan. Agents hate when you are not pre-approved. Also, make sure you can handle the yard with a clear division of labor upfront with you and your partner. I hate mowing grass but my gf loves it.
I’m in the thick of it right now. The best thing is poking through other people’s houses (that’s not just me, right?). The worst thing is that even after you and the seller come to an agreement there are still approximately a million ways it could fall through.
The best thing is that you get to go into stranger’s houses and see how they live.
The worst thing is that you get to go into stranger’s houses and see how they live.
Yeah, but you would not believe how much staging goes on before a house is shown. I wouldn’t draw any conclusions about whoever lived there. Not only do things get taken out, but the real estate person moves their own special house-selling furniture in; it’s crazy.
FUN!
The best thing is exploring fun neighborhoods (it’s fun to just eat out and pretend you live there, sometimes) and being nosy or making up stories about the people who live there.
One of the worst is falling prey to envy about what one wishes one could afford, or maybe even how clean the grout is. But many places are staged, so I try to keep that in mind.
The best is if you find a place that you just love. The worst is if falling in love with a place blinds you to its less-wonderful side.
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY, Toast! And camping tomorrow for the LONG WEEKEND! 😀 😀 😀 😀
Happy Birthday!! Yay camping!
Happy camping long weekend birthday!
Happy Birthday! May your s’mores be extra delicious. If you like s’mores. Or whatever.
Happy birthday! Have fun!
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy birthday!
Hooray for birthday and camping! My birthday was this week and I’m going camping in 2 weeks!
I just bought a new hatchet and readers, I AM PUMPED.
May your marshmallows never catch on fire and then refuse to go out; may your air mattresses never spring a leak and leave you lying on a rock in the morning; may you never lack for toilet paper in the wilderness; and may the weather gods shine down upon you.
Happy birthday and happy camping!! Enjoy lots of s’mores (if they’re your thing).
Happy happy birthday!
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
SO MANY BIRTHDAYS!! Happy birthday!!!
I didn’t get that job. It’s the worst feeling. Trying to remind myself that it’s a long weekend, and spring, and not everything is bad, but thinking about staying at this current job indefinitely makes me feel a bit suffocate-y. Blergh.
I am going to a food truck festival at a vineyard this weekend though, so that’ll be good. Expensive, but good. And delicious.
Condolence internet hugs to you, PG.
Oof. I know that feel, friend. Treat yourself this weekend.
I’m sorry, I know that feeling too. Treat yourself, enjoy good food, and remember that something even better may come soon. I lost out on what I thought was a dream job a few months ago, only to turn around and get something I think is going to be much better – I start on Monday. I wish you the very best of luck!
Does anyone have this thing in your family where you fight about money, but in the other direction? Like, you have this brawl in the restaurant over who gets the privilege of paying the bill.
We’re in the middle of trying to give my MIL money to do some home improvements and it’s turned into this multi-day dance that started yesterday and will hopefully end with our victory tomorrow. My wife and I take turns tag-teaming, but my MIL is stubborn and mighty, despite her diminutive stature. I think it would be easier to give her a leaky vial of bubonic plague, frankly. There is a lot of ranting and arm waving and exclamations of aye-ya and moh-yong (the former doesn’t have a good translation, but the latter means roughly “NO GOOD.”).
I tried to pay for her stuff in Banana Republic the other day and this kindly dude rushed up to help my MIL because he thought I was mugging her. (Because she’s Chinese and I’m white, so people here ALWAYS assume that we are not together; they almost called security on me at Home Depot this week because I leisurely grabbed her bags at the cash as she paid. I’m used to the confusion and very quickly blurted out that it was okay, I was with her, everything’s fine.)
I do this with my boyfriend and it’s driving me up a fucking wall. He’s a little strapped for cash at the moment but always always wants to pay for everything. So sure, dear, I’ll let you buy my groceries after I just loaned you some money to pay your bills. That’s legit. And not at all embarrassing to fight in front of the cashier. If anyone has any insight into splitting things equitably
That’s so tough! I make quite a bit more than my bf (although I have more debt too, by many miles). We split things up so there are things he pays for and things I pay for, it’s just that the things I pay for happen to much more costly. So it will be like “I’ll get dinner tonight, and you can get brunch on Sunday!” Or “I’ll get the groceries, if you get the stuff at the drugstore” or whatever.
It works pretty ok.
I’ve found that paying for someone who doesn’t want you to only works when it can be a done deal before they notice. I.e., before mother and grandmother could start arguing about who was going to pay for lunch, I gave the waitress my credit card.
Yeah, this is my go-to thing. I pretend to excuse myself for the washroom and then pay without people realizing. But now they don’t let me get up from the table at all once the meal starts.
Just to be clear, my MIL actually told me awhile back that we could help pay for the aforementioned improvements. It’s all part of an elaborate cultural and etiquette dance, for the most part. My wife and I are comfortable financially and this is also a part of a culture of the kids looking after the parents. My MIL supports herself and my FIL, who never really worked, but they go without many times. She used to work in the now-defunct garment industry in Montreal but was forced into retirement a few years ago and is generally unable to find work because she doesn’t speak French (but she speaks English very well, as well as Cantonese and Mandarin; Quebec discriminates very heavily against non-French workers).
Yay, open thread! My partner handed in his thesis (yay) and then we went on a lovely holiday (yay) and it is getting more and more summery (yay). Life is pretty good right now! Hope you are all having great weeks as well
So…just found out that the average salary for the job I’m actually doing (not my title, per se) is AT LEAST 1.4x what I am currently being paid. I’ve read all of the things and know all of the stuffs on asking for a raise and negotiating, but…am dreading doing so. Bossman has a way of undercutting/demoralizing/mocking/being a dick whenever I point out the quantity and quality of work that I do. Imposter syndrome plus his behavior makes asking for anything a nightmare (even though my brain knows better, by negative self doesn’t listen).
YOU CAN DO IT and also BOSSMAN CAN SUCK IT
Ask questions. “What do you think is the average salary for the work I do?” Wait for dickish response to end. Ask another: “I found I am paid _____ less than the average. What do you think I should do?” Wait for dickish response to end. Ask another: “How would you prefer I ask for a raise: by email or on paper?” Wait for end of dickish response. “Thanks.” Then get that written request to him, with a copy to HR. Still gonna be uncomfortable, I know. But I also know you can do this. Let us know what happens.
Bossman is the managing partner, and we have no HR:( But! The questions are excellent and have been added to my quiver.
That is fantastic direct concise advice. I will adopting it!
This is the exact reason I have been working with a recruiter and have two interviews tomorrow. Colleagues that have similar experience and education in my position are making $10-15k a year more than I am, and that shit just won’t fly.
In my case – $14-32k more, with more perks (main one I want is remote/telecommuting).
I made the jump from under market to market rate/ slightly above by switching jobs (about a 30% increase/ 1.5x my original salary). It’s harder in some ways but easier in others- mainly easier on the money side, in that most places simply can’t imagine handing out raises in larger than 10% increments, but will hire someone on at market rate without batting an eye.
I’m pretty sure my best friend is dumping me and it’s making me cry a lot. I can’t even ask what is going on because she’s never around. I know the best thing to do is just stop thinking about it and let it go, but it turns out that’s really hard.
Hey,
This sucks, and I’m so, so sorry. Best friends are hard to come by and harder to imagine replacing. I know it’s not your responsibility to salvage things, but if you can’t get face-to-face time with her, do you think she’d respond to a letter or an email? As a person who tends to alienate everyone and do the fadeaway when I feel no one in the world could possibly understand my existence (even though yes, this is ridiculous, thanks for the reminder)…maybe she just doesn’t know how to reach out and say she appreciates you for being there/she’ll see you on the other side of whatever’s going on.
I hope everything works out for you; crying’s no fun and you deserve a supportive best-friendship.
<3
An Internet Stranger
It does suck and I am also very sorry. I do not have any context of course but you might check Captain Awkward if you have not already because I am sure she has some good advice for this kind of situation, about actual practical ways to do the letting it go. Other than eating lots of ice cream.
This is hard and terrible and it’s hard to give advice without context. If she’s never done this sort of thing before, I would side with eleventysix and say that reaching out to her might be helpful. However, if this is the latest occurrence in an ongoing saga of instability, it’s important to realize that people that make you cry a lot are not the people to be best friends with. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you (either IRL, if you’ve got them, or here amongst the toasties), and remember that whatever’s going on, it’s not your fault. <3
Friend break ups are awful. So sorry.
So after a short but intense temper tantrum with my camera, I finally took some digital pics of my artwork. I’m resigned knowing the bulk of those photos will be absolute crap (glare, shadows, colours WAY off) because it’s been about 20+ years since I’ve had to do this but I’m hoping for a gem here and there. My ultimate goal is to make one set of fine art notecards using 3 separate images and sell them at various local venues and/or summer festivals. It’s not much to start, but hey, baby steps!
And a big thank you to those wonderful Toasties who are always ready with some positive encouragement past and present; it means a lot to this “creative type”!
I would buy fine art note cards done by a Toastie. rcmcdowell at verizon dot net
Thank you!!!
Sent from my iPad
Or yeah, bc its 2014, let me know when they’re done and I will buy them through the internet 🙂
that sounds like an amazing idea! I love those kinds of notecards and summer festivals and if I’m a same city I’ll be sure to buy one!
Aw, thanks!!!!
I moved. And the movers said the new place has fleas, and then my cat definitely has fleas. Then the exterminator found no fleas, but my husband and cat are definitely getting bit by something. We can’t really unpack because we don’t want the problem to spread, so there are still boxes ruling my living space.
Tonight we do a bug bomb. And we have to take the cat away while that happens. She’s been living exclusively in the bathroom since Sunday, and she has finally hit her limit of confined space. She was scratching at the door and meowing most of the night, so we have to do something about the bugs today.
Everything is dumb right now. I just want to live in my new place, and stop the moving process. It feels like I can’t freak out too much or everything will fall apart. Husband already had his freakout but I feel like if I lose it, nothing will get done to fix anything. Like, this is the biggest emotional move I’ve ever done, but his feelings of gross buggyness and panic of moving to the suburbs trumped mine on moving day, and I didn’t even realize it until the end of the day when I returned the rental car. I moved from my favorite neighborhood to a totally new neighborhood for a lot of good reasons, but I’m still never going to live in my favorite neighborhood again. It’s just not the direction our family can take.
Everything just feels really empty right now and I can’t seem to shake it.
🙁 I’m so sorry about your flea/bug woes. Moving in general is usually The Worst, and I’ve found that living in a new place is also The Worst for about 1-2 months. Then it’s just Normal. Then you love it. But time, and patience and waiting, is a huge bitch.
🙁 as someone who is having lots of feelings about a recent move that is now turning out to be hard and lonely, I want to give you lots of support. Fuck infestations. Also you can freak out because I think it’ll be over eventually.
and once again fuck bugs.
I know your feelings. Everything sucks right now. It will get better, but everything sucks right now. Wish I could help.
I’ve had a few moving experiencing recently that were surrounded by horrible circumstances– so I’m so exhausted about everything else that all my shit is still piled on the desk and floor because I don’t own a bookcase. Bookcases are only $20 at target I know but oh my god then I have to put it together…
So I’m saying from experience: FREAK OUT ABOUT IT. Take as long as you need but then try to stop. So an hour, a day, a week… one hour per day for a week… whatever. Kick a soccer ball against a wall, sit and stare at the wall, play video games… then try to pull yourself together and see how it goes. Sleep a lot. After the bugs are done, what do you need to do next? Then what? If you’re in too bad a shape to even make a list (I’ve been there), you’re not done freaking out.
Maybe get a little drunk or caffeinated (OR BOTH??) and then make a list.
You’re being strong for him freaking out, so once he’s done, then it’s time to switch roles.
You can do it, take your time, don’t forget to take your birth control.
It’s really funny that you say don’t forget to take your birth control, because right now I have an IUD and am trying to switch to the implant because my period is out of control. But, right now I am testing out the hormonal birth control with the copper IUD still in (see if there are bad side effects basically). So, if I got pregnant right now I would have to start believing in GOD because there would be no other explanation for how I ended up with that happening.
I need to remember this about Target bookcases as we need more. Like, a lot more. And, we have a library in home now! So woo!
Duuuuuude. That sounds haaaaaard. I think sometimes it just helps to have strangers validate that what you are going through is, in fact, awful. So I will do that for you and send you my sincerest wishes that things level out for you very, very soon.
It does help.
Toast Open Thread is my once-a-week everything boost. 🙂
I know what you mean about two people being equally freaked out but the other person’s freakout “wins” somehow and you have to be the one holding it together. :-/ Hang in there for a little while longer and then set aside some time to let it all out.
Oh yes I know how this goes too, my partner’s freak-outs always seem to win and it makes me really mad. I hope you can make some space for your own freak-out soon, you really deserve the chance to let it go.
I think it’s just that I am capable of putting my freakout aside to get shit done and he is still working on that. Usually we cycle through freaking out at different times, but if we’re both freaking out his automatically wins without me even noticing until later and then I’m both freaking out and angry that I didn’t get to feel my feelings when I wanted to.
Your husband is on notice. He has to learn how to change this situation or HE SHALL NOT BE SPARED.
Oh, don’t worry, he knows what he did. He had to comfort me when I was crying that night. He knows and he made up for that. He’s getting his shit sorted out now better than ever before. When I tell him I need something, even if he’s freaking out, he’ll help me/do the thing. It’s just that this time, with everything that was happening, I didn’t know I needed something. In this instance, it is my problem equally with it being his problem. Please believe.
OK. Now that you’ve vouched for him, he shall be spared. And props to you for picking a partner who can learn and grow!
I had surgery on my bum shoulder the other day, and it seems like it’s healing up A-OK (I get to shower today!), but I’m bored out of my mind sitting at home and the idea of spending six weeks in a sling is maddening. I can’t do a damn thing. (Work should be fun…)
Plus side: We just got tickets to Night Vale Live, and I should be okay to leave the house tomorrow.
Boo surgery, but yay healing! May your recovery go quickly and smoothly. All hail the Glow Cloud!
Recovery time is so, so dull, I’m sorry. But it sounds like you’ve thought ahead (NIGHT VALE TICKETS YAY!) and are on the mend, which is all so good!
It should be tolerable after this weekend, hopefully! Night Vale is going to be such a nice reward.
“I had surgery on my bum” OH MY GOD THIS WILL BE AMAZING
“shoulder” …awwwwwww.
Everyone! Cross all of your fingers and make sacrifices to whatever gods are pleasing to you. I just applied for a job that I did not think would ever open up–it is magic in that it uses my degree, and is in my town, and yet would not violate the noncompete agreement I signed (grumbling) when I got my current job! MAGIC, I tell you. Would appreciate all good thoughts, and also advice on how to deal with the knowledge that my coworker is also applying for the same position.
Can you murder coworker? Good luck!
She’s actually a really good coworker and if I could, I would wish for us to both get this job and get the hell out of our current ones. Murder would be so much easierrrrr.
Hooray for you! I hope you get this job. Just tuck this info away for future reference: many noncompetes are not enforceable. Check with an employment attorney the next time you find one in your way. And if the new job is cushy enough, the new employer often has in-house counsel who will evaluate the noncompete and be obligated to defend you against any litigation from your old employer. What I’m saying is, apply for the jobs you want, interview for the jobs you want, but bring up the noncompete when discussing an offer to ask what can be done.
Good to know! I think this particular noncompete has been beaten in court before, and it’s entirely too broad to be enforceable, it’s just a matter of actually getting shit together to fight it (and, y’know, getting a new job first). I’m not in a field where people have their own legal departments/in-house counsel, generally, but in the event that I do get an offer I’ll definitely ask! Thanks for the advice 🙂
I read that as “Cross all your fingers and MALE sacrifices.” A sign that I’ve been spending too much time here? But yes, I will for sure cross all my male sacrifices for you.
ALSO what does it mean when I applied for a job through an extensive online application form, had an amazing reference submitted directly to the CEO of the company, didn’t hear anything for a month, and now the job has disappeared from their website? That means I didn’t get it, right?
…right.
(This is a different job than the one I’m talking about above.)
Crossed!!
Crossed fingers and small sacrifices!!!!
So Dr. Frank Furter has the best tweetstorm in history https://twitter.com/DrFNFurter
(context: http://www.buzzfeed.com/charliewarzel/famous-twee…
So earlier this week, an ex that I dated for approx. 6 weeks 3 years ago emailed me to clarify a few things. A few choice quotes: “I did (that’s the key word, “did”) blame you for some things”…”Since then I realised that… there is nothing you did that needs to be forgiven, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Yeah, believe it or not, I already knew that I didn’t do anything wrong. Wasn’t exactly waiting for your “forgiveness.” Thanks for being such a nice guy and letting me know. I just… how can some people think that the world revolves around them that much?
In less funny news, last night a car pulled out in front of me as I was biking home. When I got home, I called my mom, because that’s what mom’s are for. And after assuring that I was okay and calming me down, my mom responded with “Well, maybe you shouldn’t bike at night.” *sigh*
SHE JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE SAFE
I know… which is why I said, “Thanks mom” and nothing else.
(also I apparently can’t edit my earlier comment and delete the apostrophe in mom’s – but this is acknowledgement that it is wrong and I am very sorry.)
What? Jesus. 6 weeks! What is with dudes lately getting all het up about super short relationships that happened years ago? Any chance he’s going through some kind of 12-step thing and is on an amends-making spree? (Not that it matters either way to you, because whatever dude, get over yourself.)
And my mom also regularly lectures me on the dangers of being out alone “at night”, especially when I mention public transportation. I’m 33 years old, I don’t have a car, and I live in a city with decent public transpo – how exactly am I supposed to get around after dark? (The answer, if Ma had her way, would be “You don’t! Just…don’t go out.”)
Yeah! I also though it sounded 12-step-y. Which may be indicative of him evolving to a better person. Otherwise… he’s just a dick.
Are you me? Or rather do we have the same mother? Am I twins? 33, no car, big city with good public transit.
Parents worry a lot about their little girl alone in the big wicked city. I remind them (because it seriously annoys me that their fearfulness trumps my ability to come home from work in winter) that: A) in terms of violent crime New City is much lower than the city I grew up in. B) the only time I’ve been worried about my safety it was because the police were being aggressive in my vicinity. C) People I know present a statistically greater danger to me than strangers.
Somehow this doesn’t comfort my parents. But I keep pointing out that parental fear does not trump my need to leave my office.
My ex since me an email “I’m sorry if I ever did anything that hurt you”
I replied “What are you apologizing for exactly”
And since the divorce proceedings were still going and I want them to keep going well-ish, I didn’t finish that how i wanted: “What are you apologizing for exactly, the rape, the controlling behaviors, telling my friends and family lies about me, having an affair, or something else?”
And my mom wants to know if I’m dating again.
“What do you mean IF?”
MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE DECENT BIKING INFRASTRUCTURE, MOM.
This is maybe a weird thing to ask on the Open Thread, but: does anybody have good memories of high school math teachers? And if so, what did your teacher do right / what did you get out of their class?
(I ask because I am perilously close to starting down the path towards becoming a high school math teacher.)
She was really kind, believed in our abilities, and wore patterned socks with sandals. Before we graduated, we all chipped in and bought her a pair of socks with ketchup bottles on them.
I have good memories of my middle school math teacher! She was actually an adopted daughter of Pearl S. Buck, so that’s a good tidbit. But as a math teacher she was amazing because she was patient. I’m not great at math (it’s just never “clicked” with me) but she never made me feel that way. Instead, she would just encourage everyone who couldn’t get the answer to take a little more time. She was always there to help and seemed so delighted when we figured things out!
YES! My high school math teacher was my absolute favorite. I had him for Calc A/B and Calc B/C. I got out of his classes a lot of college credits 🙂 He also got me to get super involved in math team, which was a blast really, one of the favorite things I did in high school especially since I was generally tightly wound and a loner.
What he did right, hard to say. He was just a great teacher. Treated us like adults. Took class outside to play ultimate frisbee and let off some steam every once and a while.
Yes! Mr W. taught my 2nd-to-last year of high school maths class. For context, this was the first year where students could drop maths, but it was generally taken as a really bad sign. Our class included girls who didn’t like maths, didn’t understand maths, and were just doing it because they ‘ought’ to, as well as girls more like me, who loved maths and would look at proofs, as well as the more normal OK at maths, semi interested lot.
Mr W. was magic. I still have no idea how he managed to teach to all the different abilities. He was patient, funny, and interesting, and never patronising. And he structured his lessons well. As far as I remember, when we learnt something new, he would first introduce that thing through working through a simplified proof on the board. Then we would get excercises, and during this he would go to the top kids and show them the actual proof, and the bottom group and help them to either understand how it worked, or (in some cases) tell them that it didn’t matter, here’s what it did and how to use it. He also held twice weekly lunch sessions, so if you wanted help with anything, he’d work through the problem with you.
Sorry that was so long, he was one of my favourite teachers.
Edit: actually I have always secretly wondered about becoming a maths teacher myself. The feeling when someone you’re teaching “gets” calculus, or trigonometry? Brilliant.
Don’t: talk about your beach hometown that you frequently re-visit and let your students side track you into talking about the beach and your many beach stories.
Seriously, I have never been a math person and was always a student who struggled with math somewhat. I had one great math teacher in high school and these are the things I remember her doing:
-Vary the structure of the class. I had other teachers who would just spend 45 minutes writing proofs and equations on the board while the class copied things down. AWFUL. The Good Teacher would have students explain concepts to everyone else (once she let a super-genius girl talk about some complex physics topic for 5 minutes at the end of class). She had you pair up with students to work on problems. She would give us tests every so often that weren’t for the grade but a state wide math competition.
-When I bombed a test once in this class – an actual zero – she both acknowledged that this was a big fuck-up but then asked me what she could do to help, what was I not understanding? And I think she ended up dropping that grade without telling me, which I still think is one of the nicest things a teacher ever did in my schooling.
-She came to school early one day a week to help students with their questions.
-She was TOUGH but she was always fair. I might have had a hard time, but I never felt like she was being too much of a hard-ass. It made me want to do better.
-My issue with math has always been needing longer time than other students to understand the concepts, and sometimes needing to get a different explanation of how to do something. This teacher was really good at allowing space for that, if not in the classroom, with one-on-one help. But she did it in classtime too; when she drilled us on the same equations or types of problems, we weren’t always doing it the same way.
(Apparently I have a LOT of math teaching feelings, which I was unaware of. Hope this helps. Good luck and good for you for becoming an educator!!)
Miss Sam encouraged us to help each other.
She would present that day’s new concept over and over, a different approach each time. When you thought you understood, you’d do the 3 sample problems. If you got the correct answers, you stood up and looked for a classmate to make eye contact, then went to help him/her. Miss Sam was still at the board, presenting the same concept in every way she could devise.
Teaching, as you know, solidifies learning. And ye gods, did I need the self-esteem boost. Miss Sam is one of the teachers who prevented my being a young suicide.
I did very poorly in Algebra I when I was in eighth grade. Mostly because I was disorganized, and was experiencing the Year of Being a Monster that many of us experience at 13, but also because I couldn’t stand my math teacher. I felt like I had misunderstood some very fundamental thing when it came to Algebra and I couldn’t seem to get my feet under me. I also stubbornly did not ask for tutoring or anything like that because I was in the smart classes and should have been able to do with it.
But my ninth grade teacher (Algebra II) was amazing. She had a gentle way about her that vastly differed from my eighth grade teacher, who was harsh and condescending. She introduced each new concept, went through examples of every type of problem we would find in the book, and made sure we all understood before moving on. I think I got a 99 in that class.
I think a lot of math teachers have that engineering personality (not that all engineers are like this!) where they get very frustrated when people don’t instantly grasp math/science/tech concepts. My Algebra II teacher understood that concepts were not always immediately apparent to us, even if they were to her, and I think that’s important.
Also, as much as I would have denied it then, drilling new concepts absolutely helped. Doing a number of similar problems really helped fix them in my brain. I know a lot of people are conceptual learners when it comes to math (or, at least, that’s what Chicago/Common Core math seems to think) but for me, memorization, practice, and rote learning really worked.
The best math teachers I’ve had were the ones who were super enthusiastic about the subject and treated it as vitally important. Even in nerd math there were always the folks that would whine about not using it in the real world. My least favorite teacher (and everyone else’s) made a joke out of the class and laughed about how we would probably never use it so she would grade easy. She taught statistics which is arguably one of the more “useful” classes and something I literally use every day. A student only asked that to my calc teacher once. She shut that shit down any everyone adored her.
Do you mind if I ask how your awesome calc teacher responded to the Real World Question?
My high school pre-calculus teacher was the best teacher I’ve ever had. I had a little difficulty with math when I was younger, and geometry was the WORST for me – but I took Algebra II and things just started to click for me. When I got to precalc, I was nervous – this was something I had NO experience with whatsoever, but he ended up being the best. He got students involved with doing problems on the board, was really genuinely encouraging, and did everything in his power to help us understand. Extra help? Always available. When I got to college, I had a miserable pre-calc teacher and I ended up using the notes I’d taken in high school to get me through…and I aced it.
I went back to visit my high school back when I was in grad school and he was still teaching – he recognized me instantly and let me sit in on the rest of his class. It was awesome. I miss math like that.
Yes! Most of my memories of math teachers are pretty awful (not necessarily about their teaching) but the first time we took Trig we failed it, so we had to take it again, and the guy we took it from was AMAZING. He was a comfortable old guy who made us use the charts in the book to figure out sine/cosine/tangent for the first six weeks of class before he would let us start using calculators, and everyone had to take turns doing the problems in front of the class, and he never, ever, ever said anything mean, or cut anyone down, or did anything other than suggest that we were all awesome people totally capable of becoming Enlightened Trigonometry Masters.
Also you perhaps know this, but if you remind girls that they are female before they take a math test, most of them do worse because of stereotype threat. So if there is any way as a high school math teacher you can avoid having people write their names on their tests, do that!
I had an algebra teacher that I loved, mostly because he believed in me even when I didn’t. He also talked me into getting a tutor, which I had refused to do out of humiliation and that turned out to be awesome. The feeling of finally getting it and have everything slot into place was the BEST.
The thing that my good teachers did right or perhaps more importantly, the thing that my bad teachers did wrong is that the former did and the latter didn’t motivate a given topic. As in, why should I care about this? Until you get into really high level math, there’s almost always going to be a real life situation that a topic can be related to. I remember one teacher in particular who really knew her stuff, but just couldn’t relate it to students in a meaningful way. I remember her triumphantly going through multiple proofs using infinite series and induction and all kinds of stuff that we hadn’t even taken yet to prove the quadratic formula. She was clearly excited to do it, but nobody in class understand what or why she was doing so.
The other thing I would say is probably more meaningful if you’ve ever seen Stewart’s calculus text. In the foreword, iirc, he acknowledges that people learn in different ways, and that he tries to teach everything in the book four ways. I believe it was graphically, numerically, in words, and mathematically, but I can’t say for sure.
Even though I didn’t do math as a direct part of my career, that text still stands out as the best one I had across all disciplines.
Man, I had GREAT Math Teachers from 7th through 12th grades. Full disclosure, I was in accelerated/honors/AP math that whole time, so most of my classmates were nerds who were willing to do the work and were there to learn. (Also, I went to school in NY State, so it was actually Course I, II and III, but the titles I have given are what the main focus of each year was)
7th grade – I don’t remember much, but he did teach us how to write a check and how to balance a check book, in addition to the entire 7th and 8th grade math curricula
Algebra – I’m actually FB friends with this teacher now; he was just always very cheerful and peppy and really loved math, and wanted you to understand it. I had him again for PreCalc, and it was the same. He also taught AP Calculus, and even if you weren’t in his section (I wasn’t), you could go to his office during free periods and he would help you with your homework. For algebra (and probably everything else), he would also come in early/stay late to help you.
Geometry – most people thought she was mean, but she was a great teacher. Which she would admit – she didn’t care if you liked her, she cared that you could do the math by the time she was done with you. Used to make us do an entire state end-of-course test as homework towards the end of the year. It sucked, but we were prepared.
Trig – I honestly don’t remember her too much, but she taught us how to use graphing calculators and was available for extra help and was very nice and encouraging. She also taught us some basic pre-calc/calc when we had finished the state required curriculum.
Precalc – see above re: 8th grade
Calc – a former engineer who had quit b/c he wanted to do something meaningful. Wasn’t as popular as the other Calc teacher, but was just as willing to sit with you and walk you through a problem during his free periods.
So, basically, I would say, be the kind of teacher who sets a high bar for your students because you expect them to meet it, and then be willing and available to give them the help they need to reach that expectation.
I had an excellent math teacher! He had us work in groups, and graded the group as a whole – so when someone understood something, they’d turn frantically to the rest of the group and explain their revelation in precise detail. This meant that everyone who got it explained it soon afterward, fixing it in their brain, and people who didn’t get it got one on one attention. Usually, people who didn’t get it were hung up on one tiny step in the process, and having someone with a little bit more knowledge hang over their shoulder resolved it with quickness. We’d get through 3 or four problems a day, and then do a few more as homework.
It was nice, because being able to communicate and explain were as valuable as being able to math. It wasn’t until I was his classroom assistant that I realized how much work he put into making groups – he’d move us around every few weeks, and he’d make sure that all the clever aloof people or the don’t really care people were in the same group – or that the don’t really care people were isolated from each other and surrounded by people hellbent on learning math.
Even though I was on the “advanced track” for math, by the time I was a junior I had stopped caring enough to try/study/etc. I used to be pretty good at math but by then I was distracted by other things. My pre-calc teacher made me feel like I was worthy of being in the class even though I wasn’t as outright brilliant as my classmates. I don’t know how to explain how — a combination of encouraging notes on tests/homework, and calling on me in class in a way that didn’t make me feel like I was about to be humiliated.
I think the high school math teacher who stuck with me most was Mrs. C (she may have been a PhD but I don’t remember). She was inspiring simply because she loved math so much and was probably one of the only women in her program when she started out (she was pretty old). But she was a big promoter of women in math, which was really nice.
She held kids accountable for their work and was in many ways one of the hardest teachers I’ve ever had, and she made us all work to understand the material (she also taught AP Calc and was known for having every student in the class get a 5). She was big on us helping each other and explain concepts to each other and I remember she had periods where we would just work on homework and could ask her to explain things if needed. She had office hours before exams where we could get review help from her, mostly by her giving us practice problems and then guiding us through it if we were having issues.
I sucked in that class, even though I tried pretty dang hard, and the fact that she made me come in to talk with her (I was pretty shy) but did not shame me for sucking, instead asked what was up and told me she thought I could do well (but not move on to AP Calc), was awesome. She was proud of me when I succeeded in small ways and understood that I wouldn’t be pursuing hard math classes after this. I respected her so much. She was an amazing teacher. She wasn’t sweet, she called people out pretty bluntly, but she respected her students and that was kind of amazing.
I started with a terrible teacher, not totally his fault since for some reason I tested WAY above my actual abilities and was stranded. Flunked freshman algebra. The next year I was placed with a different teacher who invited questions, didn’t take time out to tell jokes revolving around how girls were stupid, and explained things in detail. Grade shot up to a B with no extra effort on my part. Mid-semester a schedule glitch put Teacher #1 in charge of that class, and I passed, but with a D-. Be available for student questions and don’t be a giant dickbag and you should do just fine.
You’ve done your research, right? You know that high school teachers are required to do lots of things that are not teaching, right? I loved classroom teaching. But I hated that classroom teaching was only 20% of the job. My job, anyway, long ago and far away. And I hated working alone. You’ve accounted for all of this, right? If you have, you will be a very fine teacher and your students will be so lucky to have a Toastie’s influence.
Oh, I know about the large amounts of non-teaching work; other teachers and former teachers have told me as much. I’m prepared for all-consuming lesson planning and grading and meetings and dealing with parents and stuff. Or rather I plan to be prepared in two years, when, assuming I go through with this plan, I’ll have my master’s in teaching and teaching certificate, and be ready to start teaching. I’m actually kind of looking forward to union membership duties, too.
My biggest concern is that math class is often a painful, confidence-destroying experience for many people, and I don’t want to be the agent of that destruction. It’s been really helpful to read all these stories about math teachers who have not only presented math well, but helped kids at all levels be comfortable in / confident about / not mortified by math class. I’ve also complied a list of seven math teachers in different schools near my town whose students have told me that they’re really good (I’m a math tutor and sometimes my kids mention their teachers). I plan to track down all seven next fall, one by one, and learn their secrets.
So my research into becoming a teacher is ongoing, and I think it will likely continue forever. Even when I’m a teacher, I will still probably be researching becoming a teacher.
Thanks to you, and to everyone else who replied, for your stories! Your teachers sound wonderful; may I follow in their footsteps.
That’s a tough one. Mr N, who was my maths teacher for 5 years, is one of my most fondly remembered teachers, but I don’t remember any details. It probably helped that maths was my best subject.
I think generally he was patient with and respectful of the students. I do remember that for A levels (last 2 years), when I was in a small class that worked really well together, when we were going through problems he would give us the answer that he had got, rather than The Answer, ie acknowledging that he could make mistakes and encouraging us to challenge his answer if we disagreed.
My reply to this comment just turned into a 500 word essay, and growing. Emotional journey and all. Hmm. I can be long-winded, but I don’t think that’s ever happened before. Very Proustian-madeleine, this talk of maths teachers.
Oh wow! I am excited to read it!
If you find yourself wanting to do something with your time other than finish writing the essay, might I trouble you to post what you have so far, or email it to me at toft.toffle (at) gmail.com?
Also can we talk about how perfect this “Got Mine” photo is https://twitter.com/FeministaJones/status/4661980…
oh my GOD
:-/
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m dying laughing (assuming the girls are joking, otherwise yikes, of course).
I’d assumed they weren’t, hence Senor Linemouth up there.
Last night I spent too much money and got really drunk at a baseball game, and I am a tad hungover this morning. But I can’t get too upset about it, because I was with a couple of my best buddies and I had a great time. Sometimes life’s too short to worry about everything all the time, y’know? (I may regret saying this next week when I eat rice and beans for dinner every day. But it’s on record now.)
I can’t believe we’re 120 comments in (bound to be more by the time I hit submit comment) and nobody has posted a cat picture yet.
Scaredy-Cat:
That is an impressively unhappy face!
She was sitting very peacefully on my lap, and I wanted to get a picture of that. Just before I took it, a jackhammer went off because they were remodeling the apartment across the hall. Thus, picture of impressively unhappy cat.
My cat makes this face all the time. She’s scared of everything.
Rare moment of domestic bliss for my monsters.
Too cute! I find the level of domestic bliss directly correlates to how warm it is in the flat and how much they need body heat!
Cat has decided this is a comfortable position
Check out my cute cat and my CUTE MAN. (We both routinely wake up to a cat on our face.)
Did you break into my apt? These look almost exactly like my wife and I’s cats (except the orange and white one is a fatso, and the brown one is tiny).
You clearly have exceedingly beautiful cats!
It’s my last day at my current job YAY! Starting new job Monday DOUBLE YAY! Lack of break between jobs + last minute assignment my boss gave me *yesterday* (ughhhhh) = boo. But mostly yay!
So last week I posted in here about being concerned about starting to see a trainer, and worrying that I’d be trying to work with someone who was trying to get me to lose weight, when what I cared about was building muscle for roller derby.
I did not need to be worried, y’all! I saw the trainer my husband was working with on Tuesday, told him my goals, and he was like, “Sweet, let’s get you ready to knock people over.” During that first workout, he also said something like “You’ve got a good body type for this sort of stuff – you can put on muscle easily,” which was amazing to hear and really rewarding/motivating. The gym’s manager did try to get a body fat measurement out of me, but nope. We’re not working on that, we’re working on building thighs that can kill people.
That is awesome!
I am thinking about joining the roller derby league in my town… is it as fabulous as it looks? (I can’t skate but I do have POWER THIGHS and a low center of gravity, so I feel like I’m halfway there)
I hadn’t skated in probably 20 years when I joined up, and I’ve had to take some time off (weddings are inconvenient), so my progress has been slow, but yes! It is a beating, even before the contact sport part of it, but it is so much fun! My teammates are wonderful and it’s exercise that I can stick with, even though I’m not on a team just yet.
Plus, hitting people. Eventually.
Yay cool! I think I’m gonna do it. They don’t take any new people until like September, but I’m planning ahead! Pickup soccer is just not fulfilling my aggressively-knocking-people-over-with-my-butt needs.
Power thighs and a low center of gravity would also be extremely welcome at a judo dojo (you know, if you have one available and happen to want to throw people…throwing people is fun, speaking as a fellow former aggressive soccer player).
Actually, I really want all current, former, and considering roller derby women to take up judo so I have people to roll with- you already have the aggression! and the balance! Come play with me!
“Sweet, let’s get you ready to knock people over.”
awwwww yeeeeeah
That guy sounds awesome! Yay for people who actually listen to what you want to see happen and help you accomplish it!
Do you have your awesomely punny derby name picked out yet?
Yes, but I’m keeping it secret until I make a team. And he is totally awesome.
That is totally reasonable to keep it a secret! I just love derby names (For a while, I was keeping a running list of ones I made up, just on the off chance that I might one day take up roller derby…)
I have nothing to add except that I wish I could upvote this a million more times.
YAY I just started roller derby two months ago, isn’t it the BEST???? 😀 High fives all around.
I feel like we should do some kind of Nicole Appreciation thing when she gets back. I missed her.
YES ME TOO
Indeed, but loved to (kinda, virtually) meet Samantha!
I miss her too! It has been nice to meet Samantha, and IF our editors have to go off and have vacations to continue being scintillating, I GUESS Samantha’s delightful and gives us emotions etc. Guest editors: excellent, and if they had their own websites I would read them, but I miss Nicole.
I have also appreciated the increase in Nick commenting.
Anyone out there unemployed?? My last day at a 3-month temp gig is today. I’ve sent applications into the ether, worked my contacts and sent my resume to 2 other temp agencies. CRICKETS.
Granted, I live in Boston and all the damn young whippersnappers and their damn fresh-out-of-college enthusiasm are probably snatching everything up but still. WICKED FRUSTRATING.
I’m also looking for a job in Boston! Moving in two months and starting to get a bit frantic. What’s your field. Are we competing for the same jobs???
I’m pretty much admin/customer service but I’ve been applying to everything that seems interesting. Also – temp agencies! I had to swallow my pride about being a 30-year old temp, but the contract I’m finishing up has been GREAT, and if you’re proactive, some of these recruiters will work really hard for you.
If you’re interested, I can tell you which ones I’ve had success with and which ones you should avoid like the clap.
Try 50-yr-old temp. It’s difficult and it sucks at any age. Job hunt solidarity.
If you’re into books at all, you can come and work with me!!
http://hire.jobvite.com/CompanyJobs/Careers.aspx?…
What if I would be great at this but have no publishing experience?
You should apply anyway! As long as you’re interested in the job, of course. It’s a lot of data-wrangling and organization, so I think if you’ve got some experience having to do with that, you could make a strong case! Plus, O’Reilly is great to work for so do it do it do it.
OH MAN I would love an editorial job! I worked in publishing for ….9 months? That’s close enough, right? Looks like dietybox and I are going to have to fight for this one cage-match style.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. It’s worth it. We have cooking competitions. The next one coming up is the “Ice Cream Throwdown.”
What if I just bring a cauldron of my sweet potato-hominy-black bean chili in to your office in lieu of an application?
I support this! Unfortunately I’m not Mr. Manager so I don’t have hiring/firing power.
(I hope you love Arrested Development or else that sentence is going to seem really weird.)
Well, manager. We just say manager.
Your Boston publishing office sounds so much more fun than my Boston publishing office! We had an office lunch this week (yay), but only because two people are quitting (boo).
Ooooo, which Boston publishing office??
I’m at a medical journal (and probably not the one you’re thinking of)! We are pretty small and alas very boring.
Wow, I remember selling their first titles when they were just down the street from us in Sebastopol. Everybody’s always moving around while my back is turned. Also, that job sounds super cool.
Has anyone had the experience of randomly becoming a kind of therapist for strangers/near-strangers (especially male ones)? I mentioned to a friend last night that male acquaintances and strangers seem to have a habit of dumping all their insecurities and problems onto me and that I thought it was because men have fewer societally accepted outlets for their emotions, so they end up thinking a female stranger is a good place. But she said that she’s never had that happen and that it might just be the different first impressions we give people. (In general, people often end up confiding in me pretty quickly because I’m quiet with people I don’t know well and a good listener. And then they get to know me and are confused by how much I talk.)
I have concluded I have a bat signal on my forehead proclaiming Emergency Help Here. A signal invisible but to those in mental health crisis. No clue why. The bat signal was just as strong when I was very young as it is now that I look like someone’s mama.
I don’t know what the vibe is that I give off in person, but it seems to lead to a constant stream of men and women (although if I did the math, probably significantly more men than women) telling me very personal stuff and also asking me for advice about very important life decisions. I honestly have no idea why people do this. I chalk some of it up to being a professor, but people I know outside of a school setting do it all the time. When a co-worker, whom you’ve known for only a few months, plops down and asks you to help her write their wedding vows (and you’ve only even seen their fiance once or twice and at the tie hadn’t been married yourself), you sort of realize that something is just very odd about you.
I once had a Kenyan guy (eta: he was a student worker at the time but we became and are still friends years later) ask me advice about what to do when deadbeat relatives back home had taken his family’s businesses over by force (pitchforks and guns) and were holding them for ransom, but the cops had declined to intervene. I just started physically banging my head on my desk, yelling (in a joking way) “WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT I HAD ANYTHING USEFUL TO SAY IN THIS SITUATION?”
Oh, wow. I guess he was just desperate for advice on a crazy situation?
The only explanation I can think of besides being a deferential, unthreatening young woman is that both my parents are in helping/caregiving professions and some of their ways of talking to strangers have rubbed off onto me. My mom especially has always been a magnet for people (especially men) who want to tell her their life stories and woes. Except that I am quiet in part because I’m kind of a misanthrope, and I’m much less qualified to give advice than either of my parents.
Do you think maybe we have Resting Friendly Face? You know, like Resting Bitch Face. I seldom smile, so that’s not it. Maybe it’s Resting Friendly Face.
Yes, this used to happen to people here all the time. It does not as much now, in part I think because the body is so much older.
Do you like it? Or is it unpleasant?
I am equal parts mystified and honored to be trusted, if it’s not a complete stranger. With strangers, I wonder if they are a danger to themselves, taking no thought to whom they open themselves.
Mystified because, like Faintly_Macabre, I am generally a misanthrope. I enjoy individuals whose attitudes are similar to mine: Toasties, for example. But I never trust people, in general, to be likable. Further mystified because my parents were/are poor communicators. And mine was a harsh childhood. I’m still learning kindness. Mystifying.
I have been meaning to write this all weekend!
We also had the harsh childhood, and in our experience that actually has made us a beacon for some kinds of people who want to share their stories. Especially people who underneath whatever it is they are saying on the surface have a similar kind of background to ours, not necessarily in the details but in the emotional energy of it. (Like, almost every person we have ever immediately clicked with on first meeting has had a narcissistic mother who was pretty awful to them one way or another.)
So it might not be relevant to you, but I wanted to share the data point, because it was only in the last few years that we really figured this out and it has actually helped a lot in forming new relationships.
Okay, people who send things to be written out into the world, I want to make a petulant rant. Basically I sent something off to a pretty well known site who in the past has responded to queries within a week to ten days. Anyway, I had sent something through their CMS platform and a month went by and… nothing. So I then emailed the general place being like, hey, just want to make sure it went through? Because said platform was not being updated. And they got to their specific editor I had written this piece for and said I’d hear something probably in a few days. So of course was rejected, which is FINE, it was too long anyway, but really? A month? A month to reject me with nothing?
Anyway, editors, I don’t know. I think just compounded with sending job applications off with nary a peep makes me want the internet writing world to be better, but I guess all of us are going to hell.
And I’m done. Sorry, y’all.
ALSO in related to odd crushes piece that ran earlier this week, my recent intense crush on Rory Kinnear has me both baffled and relieved. He makes a super smokin’ Bolingbroke, I gotta say.
Oh, I missed the part where they’d previously responded with quite reasonable speed. In that scenario, I’d feel frustrated, of course, but I’d also probably chalk this up as a one-off glitch unless it happens again, or unless there were other clues that it wasn’t a one-time error.
To sum up: if you’re looking for commiseration (and who isn’t?): UGH, silence is the worst. If you’re interested in someone else’s take (much less likely!), I’d consider it an error the first time.
This means a lot! Sharkweek, so I am just feeling rejections hard, and also, did I annoy someone by reaching out to make sure it was received? Am I making excuses for bad work? I don’t know! But yes, basically, it makes pitching ideas more difficult and I feel as though I’ve wasted time with a piece that now, oh, I don’t know.
But THANK YOU.
Rejection is hard but useful; it means you can move on, whether that means selling this piece elsewhere, working on it so you can sell it elsewhere, or putting it away to work on something else.
did I annoy someone by reaching out to make sure it was received?
[DISCLAIMER: I am obviously not an editor. Perhaps an editor, or even a more experienced freelance writer, will chime in with better advice than this. Here I go anyhow.] I would think that if you have an established relationship in which the response time has always been 7-10 days and suddenly it was a month, and you noted something odd in the established submission process, it’s entirely reasonable to check in to be sure they’d received the submission.
I try to think of editorial passes and rejections in terms of fit: it’s not necessarily that the work was bad, or (in the case of being chosen from a stable of writers) that they think I wouldn’t be good, but that for whatever combination of reasons, they went with someone/something that’s a better fit at the moment.
Every editor is looking at a complex interwoven fabric of timing, context, content, and voices to create the best possible whole for a specific audience, and they have a better view of the whole than any individual writer does. They aren’t rejecting you, they are passing on this piece because it’s not a good fit. Maybe it will be a good fit for some other site, maybe it would have been a good fit at another time.
I don’t know if that framing – a good fit – helps you at all. As a newly professional writer, it helps me tremendously. I won’t always (ever) know why an editor chose my piece or tapped me for an assignment, much less why they tapped someone else when I thought I made a compelling choice. But I don’t have to know. I just have to keep turning out work I’m proud of, and keep sending it into the world to find its best home.
It is frustrating to send something out into the uncaring void. Especially if it’s something I could conceivably sell in another venue, so even a rote rejection would be preferable to silence.
At least with a job application/interview, if you don’t hear back you can still continue to interview elsewhere. If I’ve sent out a pitch/article to an editor, I can’t pitch it to another editor until I hear back (or, which I have not yet had to do, follow up to say I’m withdrawing the pitch/piece). Freelance writers can’t generally afford to be choosy, but if an editor simply never gets back to me, I’m unlikely to pitch them my best ideas again. Why would I throw more of my work into that pit?
I am beyond excited for a “team-building” outing with coworkers next week. No joke. We are going to a shooting sports training center to do archery and shoot pistols. I’ve never held a gun or a bow and quite frankly, I’m a bit surprised by my own enthusiasm.
Have any Toasties every shot a firearm/bow? What was it like?
I have shot a rifle a few times, and one of my future plans is to do a horseback archery course. Rifle shooting was OK, it didn’t desperately excite me but of the (quite a few) people I know who do either archery or gun shooting, if theuy got excited about the thought of doing it, they really enjoyed it. Have fun!
I’ve done some archery before! It’s great and you can pretend you’re an elf and/or Hawkeye and everything is excellent. You’ll love it!
I’ve done both, they’re both super fun! I always manage to bruise the inside of my arm when I shoot a bow but I like it anyway.
What kind of arm guard were you wearing? Bruising shouldn’t happen… :/
I shot an air rifle on vacation and was hilariously bad due to a complete inability to properly close my eye and sight, but thoroughly enjoyed myself. D+ for execution would do again.
I went shooting at a firing range. I don’t know what we shot, just the smallest thing there. It was fun, though it got a bit boring after a while. But they probably have more interesting things on a team building outing.
HOWEVER…
WEAR A HIGH-NECKED TOP.
I didn’t have a low-cut top, by any means, however, my bra ended up being a collection point for the really-fucking-hot ejected shells. They somehow managed to arc backwards, through the small gap created by bringing my hands together and bouncing down to my cleavage.
So learn from my mistakes, and wear a T-shirt that covers your clavicles.
TRUST ME, YOU DON’T WANT CLEAVAGE BURNS
Holy crap! Will definitely be planning my outfit accordingly. Thanks for the tip.
OMG, cleavage burns! I am horrified. Sincere thanks for the PSA. Who else but a Toastie would look out for my cleavage that way. OK, the husband looks out for, no, wait, looks *at* my cleavage.
I would be really excited to try archery, too! Shooting pistols is actually pretty fun – it’s been a few years, but I was better than I expected to be when I first tried it, which is always nice.
Is it indoor or outdoor? Indoor shooting ranges are not as fun, I don’t think (loud, kinda claustrophobic).
Archery is really fun! It’s also how I learned that “eye dominance” is a thing. I’m right handed, but I have to shoot left handed because otherwise I try to close the wrong eye to sight.
The first gun I ever shot was my college friend’s dad’s 50 calibre rifle… that was quite the experience (left a nice bruise on my shoulder).
Since I’ve been to the range a couple of times, it is pretty fun. The most fun I ever had was skeet shooting clay pidgeons with (same friend’s) shotgun.
I would love to try archery sometime, in fact I was looking into local places just a couple days ago.
I used to be “archery certified” because I was a camp counselor and some guy came to camp and gave a few of us a one day course, so I am by no means an actual archery expert. Getting the certification meant being assigned a lot of archery classes at camp that consisted entirely of me and ten 12-year-old boys, but we had fun! The main tip I remember is to pull your hand straight back to the corner of your mouth and keep your elbow straight and level, don’t let it swing around in weird directions.
This is the best idea for team-building.
I have! I was in cadets as a teenager, and we would occasionally get to shoot rifles. (I was actually pretty good, for someone with awful eyesight.)
The best tip I have is that when you are aiming, first you aim, then breathe almost all the way out, then recheck your aim, and then pull the trigger. And try to pull gently. This reduces the amount of motion going on, so the motion of your breathing, or your hand jerking when you pull the trigger or something, doesn’t fuck up your shot.
It’s fun, and I wish I got the opportunity to shoot rifles as an adult! (I have less than no interest in pistols.)
Will any Chicago Toasties commiserate with me about the horrible weather? I HAD TO TURN ON MY HEAT LAST NIGHT. WHY SO COLD. WHY RAIN. WHY NOT NORMAL MAY WEATHER.
Also – how do people deal with unreasonably grumpy neighbors? We just moved into a new apartment that has very squeaky, old wood floors. Our downstairs neighbor bangs on the ceiling when we walk around our apartment in sock feet. She yelled at us because we’re “too loud” when we use the stairs. We’ve been tiptoeing around all weekend and using our “whisper voices” when we’re inside. Last night I yelled “ALL I WANT TO DO IS WALK ACROSS MY GODDAMNED FLOOR LIKE A HUMAN BEING” because I was so frustrated.
Ugh, this has really been A Week.
Put down some rugs? Maybe ask your landlord to help pay part of the cost? (I know it’s obnoxious but as a downstairs-dweller, it really makes a difference.)
We did buy some rugs this week! I hope they help the walking noises (although they don’t help the squeaky-floor noises). I should note, we can hear the people above us walking around, and realize that it’s just the nature of having someone living above you. We’re respectful and don’t do jumping jacks in the apartment, but we also feel intimidated by her confrontational nature 🙁
Last night Banished Cat returned to sleeping in my armpit because it was so chilly, and we were both grateful for the extra body heat.
Chicago, I love your erratic weather. Never change.
I wish I could help! Our downstairs neighbours left a nasty note one time because we were too noisy at 2am getting my husband’s bags going because he was going on a month-long tasking out of the country. (It was ONE TIME. We are always ASLEEP at 2am.) And also accusing us of “walking loudly.” We do not EVER wear shoes in the house, nor do we “walk loudly.”
You do not have to tiptoe or whisper inside! You are entitled to a normal enjoyment of your living space. Do not give in to a confrontational, nasty neighbour. You are entitled to normal enjoyment just as your downstairs neighbour is. Rugs. Being respectful (like not exercising at 2am.) Other than that, the person will have to deal.
This weather is the frickin’ worst. In a fit of dumb, I bought plants a few weeks ago and all but one has died.
Sorry to hear about the touchy neighbor. Most people are pretty good about stuff like this, but some people just don’t really get how to co-exist with others.
AT LEAST YOU COULD TURN ON YOUR HEAT. In my apartment the heat is just OFF and I get up 1-2 times a night to pee and snack and it is sooooooo COLD.
Also, your neighbors should just move to a top floor apartment. I have no patience for that kind of attitude. It’s one thing to be grumpy about unnecessary noise, but when it’s just the normal noise of living? No thanks.
I had a downstairs neighbor who would constantly bang on the ceiling, especially the second my nieces would come over. When we tried to talk to neighbor about it, explain nieces only came over about once a month, they were young and excitable as all children are, and they were starting to hate coming over to our place because of the “mean lady” downstairs. Neighbor says it’s her nerves and she can’t handle noise, and she told the landlord they couldn’t rent the space above her to any kids (right lady, like you have a right to dictate who lives around you). So one time my nieces run inside the door after not having visited for a few months, they’re not even ten feet inside the apartment before she starting banging…so I lifted up a side of my really heavy coffee table and let it slam on the ground. Not exactly mature, but she did actually stop after that.
I AM SERGIO
KING OF PUSHUPS
WITNESS THE GLORY OF MALLORY AS A TOAST JESUS: https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak…
PRAISE BE
SERGIO
GET BACK IN THAT NURSE’S UNIFORM AND DO PUSHUPS UNTIL I SAY ‘WHEN’
MALLORY
TARA WAS ANNOYING AND DESERVED TO DIE
HAYES CARLL IS A STUPID NAME AND A STUPID MUSICIAN
CELERY IS DELICIOUS
MALLORY
TARA WAS ANNOYING AND DESERVED TO DIE
HAYES CARLL IS A DUMB NAME AND A DUMB MUSICIAN
CELERY IS DELICIOUS
I just got a FitBit One to help me keep track of my fitnessing and eating habits. Does anyone else have one? So far I love it! Yesterday when I picked it up when I woke up it told me to take it for a walk and today it told me “Smooches.” So, that’s cool.
Also – anyone want to talk Sci-Fi books? I just finished “The Great North Road” by Peter Hamilton.
I have the Jawbone Up and Mr. Billingham has the FitBit One. If I had it to do over, I’d get a FitBit (probably the One; even though I’d prefer a band, the FitBit Force does NOT have good reviews) or maybe a Garmin Vivofit. I don’t find the Up to be particularly accurate and the FitBit interface is much nicer/does more.
It definitely does help me be more active though, which is good!
The One is small enough to clip onto my bra without me feeling it – I put it near the top of the cup where it meets the band. I haven’t tried the sleep monitor though because I feel like wearing a band on the arm that I sleep on is going to cause problems.
The Force was recalled. I have the Fitbit Flex, which is the older less-fancy band, and I’m mostly happy with it.
I’m not actually that fond of the interface, though. And I did have to replace the bracelet part after three months.
I’m in the middle of my second attempt at The Left Hand of Darkness and enjoying it a lot more than my first go round. And after that I will read Cetaganda (YAY VORKOSIGANS). I’m a relatively new convert to sci fi.
And and! I’m reading Going Clear for the NYC Toastie/Coterie book club and let’s just say that the boundary between Scientology and sci fi is pretty shaky.
I loved Cetaganda! I actually read it last out of the whole series because when I finished Mirror Game, I wanted to know more about Mark instead of going backwards chronologically, but then when I finished the series I was thrilled to go back and have one book left in which Ivan was featured prominently.
I love Ivan.
I love Ivan, too. I was so happy the most recent book was all about him.
And Cetaganda is very fun, although oh boy I wanted to know lots more about the Cetagandans and their wacky society.
I’m mid-way through Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance for about the sixth time, and it is so, so delightful. I’ve been toying with sitting down and reading the whole series in order all the way through, but I’m wary of the end of Cryoburn, because that definitely made me cry on the first read.
Vorkosigans! Yay!
We actually met LMB and she signed the old school library copy of The Warrior’s Apprentice that my boyfriend had checked out so many times the librarian gave it to him.
Oh man you are starting with the good stuff. Vorkosigans is the BEST and I will fight anyone on that. It’s hard to know what else to recommend that is going to come close. Definitely read Falling Free. It’s not quite part of the Vorkosigan saga, but it’s set in the same universe. I stumbled onto it by accident, and was super happy I did.
I have the Fitbit Zip and love love love it. Alas, I put it the first one through the wash for a second time and killed it dead. I loved it so much I bought a second one, which arrived this week. The daily reporting stuff is addictive (although it can get depressing if you’re holed up in your house working or sick because the lack of steps is really terrible).
Hee hee, I had the Fitbit Zip and it bounced out of a pocket when I had to come into work during the great Polar Vortex/Snowpocalypse of January and I never saw it again…
But I replaced it with the One and I do like how it flashes words of encouragement, though my cat is TERRIFIED if the silent alarm ever goes off when it’s on a hard surface.
Has anyone else found that it only logs about 3/4 of the distance if you run with it?
I can’t speak to the One, but I have found the Zip to be pretty accurate for normal walking/running. The only time where I feel it misses steps tends to be in the house, such as going up and down stairs, or, say, if you’re in the kitchen or doing laundry and you do a lot of shifting around and turning. It doesn’t seem to capture slower, irregular movements as well.
If anyone is wondering, a trip through the washing machine registers as about 1,400 steps. A good way to boost step count, but not recommended.
I have a FitBit One but now that the shiny has worn off I keep forgetting where it is. And it does not help that my daughter is entranced with it because when she pushes the button enough it shows her a flower.
Right now it is in the pocket of my bathrobe (which is one me) and this post is a good reminder to actually wear it today!
Obligatory link to Goodreads group: Toasties on GR
When I set up my first fitbit long long ago (first model, I think) the interface didn’t say “input your name,” it was more vague than that, like it asked for a “message” or something. So I put FUCK YOU. So now my fitbit says “GOOD MORNING FUCK YOU” and “LET’S MOVE FUCK YOU” etc. It still makes me laugh every time.
Amazing. In retrospect, I should have told it my name was Commander Shepard instead of Beth.
I have a FitBit Flex. I’ve had the ones that clip on before, and I don’t like them as much, because I don’t always have on a bra/pockets/waistband and then I have nowhere to clip it to. But the wrist band is good. I had the Force before it was recalled; I am one of those people who had a reaction to it. I liked the Force better b/c I liked the display, but the Flex at least has other color bands you can buy if you feel like it. It is very fun when it vibrates all cheery to tell me that I have hit my step goal. Also I LOVE the silent alarm feature.
I need to figure out my next read; I am going on a week-long glamping trip and my kindle is mostly full of stuff I have already read.
I realized Wednesday at 11 pm that I hadn’t taken my evening psych meds, only to discover that I hadn’t taken my morning meds either. :/ This explains why I FREAKED THE FLIP OUT over Tuesday’s Supernatural episode, and while I’m better today, my whole chemical balance is still off and I feel several different kinds of gross.
Other than that, I’ve had a lovely week.
I’ve finally decided to leave my current job, so I’ve been doing a bunch of meetings/interviews with people and it’s HORRIBLE. I did a government one that required me to buy the program they use to do tele-conference interviews (did I mention that I had to do it remotely even though their office is literally across the street from my current office?) and I thought I had it all working, and then when the interview actually started it wouldn’t connect to theirs and I spent 15 minutes desperately trying to make it work while they emailed me things like “we’ll give you 6 more minutes” so I was almost crying by the time the interview actually started. The actual interview went pretty much ok, since the first couple questions were ones I could basically read a pre-prepared answer so I had time to regroup.
I have another telephone interview next week, and I hope it goes better because I’m not sure I can take it if it goes worse.
Sending you good vibes <3 (if it makes you feel better, I work for the state government and there are some strange and rigid hiring rules – like if one person has to do a skype interview, they ALL have to do skype interviews to keep it equitable. it seems silly but maybe yours a similar situation? that SUCKS about the tech problems and having to buy the equipment though!!)
Thanks! It makes sense why they do it remotely for everyone, I guess, but I still hate it with every fibre of my being. On the plus side, a friend in the same department pointed out that interviews are marked with a marking plan, and they probably did not think to put “can work the technology” on there, so I probably lost few if any points for screwing that up, unlike a non-government interview.
Good luck! Tech problems are The Worst I would have been insanely frazzled, good job pulling it off regardless!
I’ve been on a serious YA sci-fi/dystopia/fairy tell retelling kick lately. Does anyone have any suggestions?!
RAGS AND BONES. It’s a collection of stories by different authors and it hits ALL YOUR POINTS.
Rose and the Beast by Francesca Lia Block if you’re into that thing! But seriously, one of my favorites, especially Bluebeard’s Castle and Little Red Riding Hood.
Cold Magic is a really great YA alternate-universe-with-fairy-tale-flavors book. It’s got magic, and an ice age that never retreated, and a race of humanoids descended from dinosaurs, and fairies, and steampunk, and some interesting explorations of race. I hesitate, though, because while I LOVED Cold Magic, I only liked the sequel, and I didn’t finish the third I disliked it so much.
Yeah shit gets weird in the later books. I still liked them but the last two are pretty tonally different from the first one.
I just started rereading Spindle’s End, which was my absolute favourite when I was younger; Robin McKinley in general is fantastic. Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane, though not necessarily YA, also hit a bunch of fairytale notes I really liked.
Watching this thread with bated breath, I’m also on this kick rn.
Yeah, I read a lot of Robin McKinley when I was younger, and just re-read Rose Daughter and it was as excellent as I remembered .
It’s geared a little bit younger, but Ella Enchanted was my FAVORITE book in the world for a certain period of my life, and I still think it’s pretty good. The movie, however, was awful and missed some of the most delightful parts of the book (Ella’s abilities with languages, sliding down bannisters, Char’s actual personality, etc.)
Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series is basically none of those things and yet it has the feeling of a fairy tale/dystopia, maybe because it’s kind of apocalypsey. Anyway, I just read the latest (last?) one and it’s really good!
I also remember really enjoying Juliet Marillier’s Wildwood Dancing. And Elizabeth Bunce’s A Curse Dark as Gold.
Oooooooh, it’s not exactly fairy tales but Daughter of Smoke and Bone is fabulous and has monsters and takes place in PRAGUE and is just generally wonderful.
Blood Red Road is pretty great for your YA dystopia needs. There’s a sequel (maybe 2 sequels?) but I haven’t read them yet.
Indexing, by Seanan McGuire. It’s about a world where fairy tales tend to come true in all the worst ways, and there’s an underfunded secret government agency that tries to prevent this.
It’s not really YA, but it’s an amazing fairy tale retelling. Cathrynne Valente’s “Six Gun Snow White.” So much packed into a novella. So good.
Toads and Diamonds by Heather Tomlinson–the fairy tale about the “good” sister who gets gifted with flowers/gems falling out of her mouth when she speaks and the “bad” sister with reptiles, set in Mughal era India (good and bad in quotations since neither sister in this retelling is fully those things, and the plot is largely on the sisters’ bond).
Not fairy tale, but Diana Peterfreund’s For Darkness Shows the Stars is a YA dystopian SF retelling of Persuasion. The loose sequel (which I haven’t read yet) is a retelling of the Scarlet Pimpernel. There’s a free prequel novella for each of the books, so you could see if you like the style before committing hard cash.
Not YA/SF/dystopic, but short story retellings I’ve enjoyed recently are:
http://www.tor.com/stories/2013/12/in-the-greenwo… (Robin Hood) http://dailysciencefiction.com/fantasy/fairy-tale… (Cinderella) http://www.apex-magazine.com/sister-twelve-confes… (Twelve Dancing Princesses)
Could we all just talk about how The Good Wife is perfect television? I’m almost done with season 2 and it is magnificent.
I don’t know what to say other than I love that show.
It WAS perfect. So perfect. Now it’s dead to me forever and it might as well stop existing as far as I’m concerned.
A lot of my friends feel this way too. I didn’t watch that Episode until like 2 weeks after it happened so I knew it was coming and wasn’t that bothered and I kind of like the way they’ve handled it. Or maybe I’m just distracted by my crush on Matthew Goode?
Best show on television is all I can say. The only thing I have to complain about is that I miss the Alicia/Kalinda friendship from the first season.
Me tooooo! I miss Alicia’s girl talk time!
Christine Baranski is a national treasure.
Not to mention her wardrobe! I dream of having such a vast selection of skirt suits and coraly-red lipsticks.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I would watch hours of her just hanging out (doing paperwork, going to museums) in her fancy clothes. Love. love.
It is wonderful television. The current season has been heavy on NSA-related episodes and I love it.
Hello Toasties, greetings from Italy! I am here in Modena (outside Bologna) for a work meeting, but stayed an extra day (today) to play hooky with my co-worker and see some of Bologna. I should feel bad about skipping work today, since I have a right shitload of stuff to do before the end of next week, but I can’t because I had too much fun walking around Bologna in beautiful weather.
Oh, and I saw some amazing churches and beautiful piazzas and had a giant plate of cured meat and cheese and caprese salad for lunch. I’m trying to figure out how I can sneak some prosciutto and balsamic on the plane tomorrow when I go home. Ciao, belli!
Do you mind telling me the places you ate/went that were memorable? Or particular delicacies I should try? I’m all about eating. I’m planning a trip to Bologna early this fall and would love to have some suggestions! Have a great trip homewards!
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GO TO THE MUSEO CIVICO DI REGGIO EMILIA. Also Palazzo Poggi. Oh my goodness Bologna is the most beautiful place I am so jealous have funnnnnnn.
We just ambled up the Via Independenza and the Via Galleria from the train station, window shopped, tried to go to a Vermeer/Rembrandt exhibit at the Palazzo Fava and gave up in despair after waiting in line that never moved for 30 min, got a coffee near the Palazzo Governo, that kind of thing. Bologna is great for just walking around, even in the bad weather since many of the streets have colonnades that overhang the sidewalks.
We went to the San Petronio and San Stefano churches which are just beautiful, and did some shopping along the street markets off the Strada Maggiore. We considered climbing one of the leaning towers, but were just too tired after a long day of work yesterday. Looking forward to going back.
My high school reunion is tomorrow and I’m FREAKING OUT. Of the five friends I’ve kept since high school, four are in the grade below me and the other is in Israel, so I will not have spoken to anyone there in 10 years (besides my history teacher, who I regularly hang out with/talk to on Twitter).
I am dreading reverting back to my high school self, where it seemed that everyone had their group and I was on the outside, and they’re all going to have a prom afterparty at the W Hotel again and NOT INVITE ME. Or maybe it’ll be like that episode of 30 Rock where Liz finds out she was actually the bully the whole time.
It’ll be fine. Watch Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion to pump yourself up. (I was a bit of a Heather Mooney myself.)
In high school, I’m pretty sure I was on the outside. At my reunion everyone acted like we’d been friends and had just fallen out of touch. It was kind of surreal, but not bad. I ended up not talking much because most of the conversations were reminiscing about things they’d done without me.
Can I ask why you’re going? I skipped my 10-year last year for similar reasons (the friends I was close to not going, not really caring about anyone else that I haven’t talked to since), so I’m curious.
I’m curious about some people, mainly teachers. Also there is free booze and BBQ, and that night I’m going to a show in downtown Manhattan anyway so I might as well since I’m gonna be in the neighborhood!
GIVE ME YOUR BERLIN RECOMMENDATIONS! I’m going in July. Best museums/coffee shops/bars/restaurants/art galleries/whatever GO.
Ok it is obviously not a WOW SUPER FUN thing to do, but you should definitely go to the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. It’s an amazing experience that will really, really get to your soul.
I’m going to Berlin in a couple of weeks, I’d love to find some new things to do. Here are my 2 cents.
Go to:
East Side Gallery (graffiti-ish art on the old Berlin Wall)
The Gedächtniskirche <a href=”http://(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaiser_Wilhelm_Memorial_Church)” target=”_blank”>(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaiser_Wilhelm_Memorial_Church)
KaDeWe – seriously pricey department store. Go there and feel fancy, and maybe buy some small bit of food on the top floor.
Rent bikes and ride around the Tiergarten
The Judisches Museum (amazing)
Holocaust Mahnmal
Eat:
Döner (obviously)
Currywurst (unless you’re vegetarian)
Woohoo! I’ve actually been to Berlin a few times so I’ve done most of the main tourist things, but never the Judisches Museum, oddly enough. You should check out the flea market in Mauerpark if you’ll be there on a Sunday. It’s wonderful! And they have outdoor karaoke!
Yes, Mauerpark!
Hang out in Kreuzberg! It’s the hipster part. If you’re a meat eating person, go to Burgermeister, right underneath the U Schlesisches Tor U Bahn stop. Down the street is Barbie Deinhoff, which is a super fun, weird, queer bar where everything is pink and the whisky is tasty.
The Pergamon is a classic, obviously. The Kathe Kollwitz museum is astounding if you’re into emotionally devastating printmaking with social and political motives.
HAVE FUNNNNNN
I booked a hostel in Kreuzberg that I’m super excited about. I had not heard of the Peramon Museum, but it look spectacular and I will definitely add that to the list!
Sankt Oberholz was an awesomely cool cafe the last time I was in Berlin (…6 years ago) but I hear it is still very cool! I also liked Cafe Bilderbuch. Pigasus, the Polish poster gallery, is great for Soviet kitsch as well as actual good design and they have a bunch of affordable stuff.
I have not been to the Museumsinsel but will DEFINITELY be going there next time I visit Berlin. Finally, blogger/cookbook author Luisa Weiss has a great ongoing series about good restaurants in Berlin: Berlin on a Platter.
Have an amazing time!!
I haven’t been, but I would suggest following Luisa’s food recommendations because she’s amazing: http://www.thewednesdaychef.com/berlin_on_a_platt…
They have Dunkin’ Donuts there! I am definitely not recommending it, but I was surprised.
Hey – this worked for a lead upthread so why not. Boston Toasties – anybody want to give me a job? My field is theater/arts administration and non-profit development, but I’m moving in two months and willing to do (almost) anything. Hire me!
I might have a lead, actually. Any way I can get in touch with you in not such a public way?
I’m at [email protected]. Thanks!
I love this – MISANDRY FOREVER! WOMEN UP MEN DOWN!
TOASTIES! I GOT THE JOB! I feel like over the past 2 wks open thread job anxieties re: interviews have turned out nicely for a lot of ladies! I am but another Toast-support success story! MISANDRY IN THE WORKPLACE!
Congratulations! That’s fantastic! When do you start?
Not until Sept 1! Which is glorious bc I’m quitting my current thing in a blaze of glory ASAP so bf and I can plan a completely indulgent dirtbag summer
Congrats!!!! Yay new better jobs!!!
Toasties, I am very pleased to say that, as of this week, I am no longer a graduate student and officially Dr. DoubleDative. Life is good.
CONGRATS!
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw yisss! Congratulations, Doctor!
Congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS!
I have a task list in gmail labeled Fortresses of Solitude: The Search and it is full of desperate pleas I have sent into the ether of studios/1BR apartments to rent.
But no progress has been made and it is miserable so this weekend I might pedal down the length of the lake and wander around the neighborhood and see if I can scare up some leads that way.
On a totally unrelated note, anyone interested in hiring a mid to senior level lit support analyst or junior Ruby/Java/SQL dev?
are you in NYC or SF? Also, join levoleague! Good support there.
Unfortunately not, but remote work would be possible. Preferable, actually. I’ll check out Levo League, thanks!
Round two of apartment searching on Monday was a total bust. Turns out people are INCREDIBLY hesitant to rent to a young married couple where neither of them would have jobs lined up at the time of moving! Who knew.
We were both off today, so we walked around in our backup neighborhood in our current city (in the rain. Whyyyyyyyyyy.) to look around at other buildings for rent. I’m starting to make my peace with this city; I haven’t really given it a fair chance these last four years.
Also, if this doesn’t work out, I could console myself with a new laptop and paying off a decent portion of student loan debt, so there’s that.
But I still want things to work out.
So, eBay store is going pretty well, and the BF and I are going to go get official business licenses and stuff so we do wholesale, too. Don’t know if we are going to do both the (current) clothing store AND imports, or switch to all imports, but it’s exciting! (you should buy our stuff here).
A few months ago I signed up at okc because I felt like I needed some casual hookups. That’s gone relatively well, I mean, the first was a mistake but no big deal. One of these gentlemen, though, is so close to perfect for me I could hardly have designed him better. We have a significant age gap with me being the older one, but it would be so, so easy for me to fall hard for him. I get, not butterflies, but a bubbly happy feeling when I think about being around him, and being in his company is comforting and relaxing. I am doing my very best to just be relaxed and groovy (tm Mr. Izzard) and just let things go where they will. Even if it doesn’t develop into something romantic, I feel so gifted to have him in my life and I will be happy if we become close friends.
It is helping me a lot, especially since my breakup has been nothing but rocky for months and probably won’t entirely settle until I move out later this year.
thats nice! Enjoy it!
Oh! And my doctor agreed to put me on extended birth control (for contraceptive purposes as well as reducing my period discomfort which has definitely worsened with age, and to help drop my ovarian cancer risk) so I’m pretty ecstatic that the cycle I’m in right now will be my last until *calculates* August sometime?
This week I convinced my boss not to re-add Rainbow Fish to our collection of children’s books (I work in a nature center) by talking very loudly and passionately about body autonomy. Our copy was already pretty beat up, so she did not need much convincing, but I like to think she was swayed by my very audible conviction.
Good for you! There are so many reasons to hate The Rainbow Fish.
Good work. You made the world a better place.
I have just finished Hild! I am happy because it was such an amazing book but sad because it is over and I want more, more, more. Also I would like my sinus infection to finally go away so I can hunt down mead and drink it. 🙂
I spent a couple hours in December reading Hild while drinking wine and eating homemade bread in front of a fire and, I shit you not, that might be the most content I have ever been.
That sounds perfect. Now I am wishing I had given in to temptation and gone and sat in the backyard to listen to the bees in the lavender while reading.
It has been a really long time since I’ve read a book where I really didn’t want it to end and then it did and I put the book down and thought, well, how long until I can reread this?
HIIIIILLLLLD
Nicola Griffith writes on her blog about Hild-making and sometimes that suffices when there is no more Hild (yet! She’s working on a sequel!).
http://asknicola.blogspot.com/
Oh excellent excellent.
I am thinking about reading The King in the North and some of the other texts she used as sources, but in a way I don’t want to because even though it is history, it is (mostly) not history I know, and so I don’t actually know what’s going to happen next, and part of what I loved about reading it was that stuff kept happening and I was surprised but the book was not really driven by the plot.
So — skip the histories and keep the surprise? Or give in to temptation and soak up 7th century information like a sponge while waiting for another book?
(I will probably give in to temptation, it is very hard not to read things I want to read.)
I have to return it to the library even though I’m only like halfway through (someone has a hold on it) but I’m not sure I’ll get it out again to finish. I love the general world-building and the characters/development thereof, but I find a lot of the political and lineage-related detail unnecessary and borderline unreadable.
I finished this recently and instantly wanted more as soon as I was finished, so I feel your sadness.
White mead or yellow mead?
Yellow mead, it is basically already summer here despite being mid-May. I will save the white mead for winter!
Did you know colewort is basically kale? Hild probably eats as much kale as I do, and is way more excited about it.
Do you think that there were no peas or cabbages in England during that era? And onions. There aren’t enough onions. People aren’t eating enough weird foods.
Textile making is bonkers. Mists of Avalon had a little bit of the textile making, but “oh I don’t like spinning because it gives me visions” was enough of an excuse to not spin. This is probably inaccurate. You must spin always and forever.
I am waiting in the tire store and I am so booooored. I clearly chose the wrong tire store out of many to patch the slow leak in my front passenger wheel. If I don’t get home soon, my dogs are going to destroy my house.
Also, what if I quit the field that I’ve spent three years trying to get into? Does that make me a failure? Probably, right?
DON’T FACTOR IN THE SUNK COST*
(I don’t always misappropriate concepts from my high school economics class, but when I do, it’s “don’t factor in the sunk cost”)
*applies to tire leaks and career abandonment
I spent three years of grad school and then three years in a field to then leave it because I was unhappy. I still feel a little bit like a failure sometimes, but it is my life and I should define what makes it a success. I feel I should be happy with my life and now I am, so success! I hope that helps.
doing anything that makes you unhappy in perpetuity is failure! Proactively changing your life is ALWAYS success!
Hi toasties, can I join your open thread party?
I had my last free therapist appointment today (thanks, university counseling!). I’m graduating from college in two weeks with a BFA from Prestigious New England Art School, and then moving to the south, where I have never been. I’m freakin’ out a little.
hi! welcome! where in the south? I’m not from there but have enjoyed all my experiences! At the very least, the food is delicious and the rent is cheap!
Winston-Salem, NC. The rent is indeed cheap, so that’s something.
OH MY GOD I just left Winston-Salem (to go to Durham)! The rent is indeed dirt cheap! There’s also a fantastic Indian place called Nawab, and a great bakery called Dewey’s. Other than that I have not much advice because I was in grad school and didn’t get out much, haha. 🙂
Also: Mallory’s Old Gregg costume is great! (someone had to say it!) (the Mighty BOOOOSH)
YES! OLD GREGG! I want more details! Did she carry around a bottle of mBailey’s? I’m trying to get my husband to dress up as Old Gregg and carry a flashlight between his legs so his mangina can live free (or die). mBailey’s.
Or offer to show people her watercolors?
Ever been to a party where people wee on each other?
I have to make muffins or scones or something tonight and I can’t decide what to make! They will have to last a couple of days, because I’m taking them camping. And there will already be cake, so nothing that’s too sweet and cake-like. I can’t decide on anything. Any suggestions?
Scones are less sensitive to storage temp & humidity variations. And I like scones.
How about some savory scones with herbs and/or cheese?
I’ve been thinking of doing these whole wheat raspberry ricotta scones………….. http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2011/07/whole-whea…
mmmmmm. Yes, please!
Have you ever made the Hairpin scones? They are A+.
http://thehairpin.com/2013/03/the-best-scones
Good call! Anything from Smitten Kitchen is probably a safe bet.
Scones! I like the suggestion for savory ones, too.
Guys, I’m in my fav coffee shop in life rt now and the #1 Laid Back Barrista wearing a hat and sunglasses indoors is going on a tangent about his band (OBVI) looking for a female vocalist and – I’m transcribing this in Real Time – he just said “violins and cellos speak to me in a way no other instrument can. Music is important.” I love him. Can we keep him?
drink more pinot imo good luck and godspeed. and congrats on the job!
I first read this as directly from said barista. If it is, I genuinely appreciate you and your commitment to living your best life. In any case, thx!
This will be so buried I’m not sure anyone will see it, but I need work advice! I support a team of attorneys along with one other assistant. She has been here longer than me (~7 years, I’ve been here ~4), and we generally get along. However, she has an appalling attendance record and every time she misses work, I have to cover for her. I literally don’t think she’s worked a full week this year. She has kids (I don’t) and lives 90 minutes away from our office (!!!), so a lot of her days off revolve around sick kids or a fucked up commute. Our manager works in another building, so doesn’t see how much I have to cover, though she is aware since she keeps track of her employees’ time off. I don’t know why someone hasn’t had a conversation with my co-worker about the fact that she should not call in sick to work 1-2 days a week, but it hasn’t happened. Do I raise the issue with my manager and ask that she be given a talking to (knowing that I run the risk it will be traced back to me)? Do I talk to the assistant directly and risk tension tension, but gain points by not going over her head? Or do I do nothing?
Just wanted to add that I am very sympathetic to the fact that co-worker has kids and life issues. I have gladly covered for her on many occassions and am happy to have her coverage when I need to be out. But it just feels like work is her bottom-most priority. I keep waiting for this phase to end and for her to suddenly give a fuck, but 4 years later it still hasn’t happened.
I think it depends on how the company accrues time off. If she has PTO (sick, personal, or otherwise) accrued to the point where she is just using the time she has saved up, she may not be doing anything wrong, technically, even if the result is screwing you over.
Is there any way to obliquely address it, by asking for a more clear delineation between your duties and hers? That way, if her tasks start to pile up, it’s not on you?
We do have PTO – she has a bit more than me since she’s been here longer – but I don’t see any possible way that she hasn’t burned through her yearly allotment by now. After that is gone it switches to unpaid time off, which you’d think our company would have problems with after awhile, but nope, guess not.
Our duties are pretty well defined – she covers certain attorneys and I cover others – so when she isn’t here I am covering for the whole team. There are things like answering phones, scheduling meetings, making copies etc. that simply can’t wait or pile up until she gets back, so I have to do them. I’m just frustrated that none of her attorneys seem to care that she is out so often (probably because I’m here to do the work they need), and VERY frustrated that our manager doesn’t care.
I don’t think you should ask your manager to talk to her about her attendance, because that feels like tattling. What about approaching it this way: go to your manager and ask for strategies to handle the increased workload when she’s out. And don’t phrase it as “covering” for her. Say something like, “Since [X] has been out of the office so much lately, I’ve been doing [A, B, C]. It’s getting a little overwhelming to work on that plus [D, E, F]. Can we talk about how I should be prioritizing this work so that the most important things get done?”
That way, you come across as being proactive and not complainy or tattle-y. And, depending on what your manager says, she will realize that she should address the attendance issue with the other person, or you’ll find out that your manager doesn’t care and isn’t interested in enforcing any kind of attendance issue. If that one happens you’ll be really glad you didn’t complain, because you’ll know the manager doesn’t give a shit. And then you should probably start looking for a new job because your management sucks.
I agree with this. I would make it solely about how to manage the workload given the conditions that exist.
You also don’t know if she has been talked to about this, or if she has an arrangement with the manager, and getting in the middle on either of those things is bound to make every interaction with your coworker harder.
Thanks Prawns! I just replied to paperbgprincess with other details, but the long and short of it is that my manager has basically forced me to be in the middle. I think it’s a matter of shite management and employees taking advantage of it.
I like your suggestions. I think I can phrase this in a way that is very focused on workload, etc and not make it feel personal. Thank you!
To give a bit more background, my manager has previously asked if my co-worker’s absences were problematic for me. Because it was during my own performance review, I tried to be diplomatic and basically said, “Well, it definitely increases my workload, but I think I’m managing.” My manager then told me to come to her if it becomes an issue.
So, duh, it’s an issue now and I should go to her! But the fact that I even have to feels sucky. Like, this whole thing is obviously on manager’s radar, but for some reason I have to be the one that prompts her to take action? My manager doesn’t do much and is notoriously lazy and I think she’s just been putting it off because she doesn’t want to bother with the whole mess. I also worry that she is going to use me as a scapegoat – “It doesn’t bother me when you’re out, but it bothers Fluffernutter.” UGH. I’m just going to quit, that feels easier.
Yargh, that kinda sucks! On the other hand though, I can kind of see your manager’s side — if I had asked someone if something was a problem and they said no, I’d assume it’s still not a problem until proven otherwise. I mean obviously your manager needs to get it together a little, but so far it doesn’t seem like she’s horrible, just clueless.
And to avoid the last thing, try keeping your phrasing focused on the attorneys and not your workload. Like for example, don’t say “I have too many things to do,” say something like “I want to make sure that all the attorneys have what they need to serve our clients.” Keep returning to those kinds of words — it’s not about you specifically, it’s about providing the attorneys with what they need. (Even though obviously it IS about you, but saying it that way will increase the likelihood that you’ll appear as a complainer.)
Excellent advice. In advance of approaching your manager, research the hourly price of getting in a temp for delegable stuff like photocopying and answering phones. Ask manager when can you call in said temp.
Husband is out of town for a week! I have been rolling around allllll over the bed and claiming it as my own. I do miss him, but I’m pretty accustomed to talking to myself anyway. I also brewed my first beer totally solo yesterday and plan to do another next week! My arms, they are weaklings, but I have plans and motivations for becoming Nicole-strong.
WHAT KIND OF BEER SHOULD I BREW NEXT? My beers are misandrist, btw, and also involve witchery, so any suggestions of beer names are welcome too 🙂
Scrying Red Ale
Crone’s Pale Ale
Curse on Yer Ballocks Blonde Ale
I could go on.
Do you have refrigeration capabilities? Because summer’s just around the corner and you’ll be craving some kind of lager I would think.
“Curse on Yer Ballocks Blonde Ale ”
YES. YEEESSSSSSSS.
These are bitchin names and somehow, some way, this community that has fostered my misandry and sea curse desires shall get credit!
Alas, at the moment, I do not have refrigeration capabilities for making lagers 🙁 I’ve mostly been doing IPAs and pale ales, but have been trying to keep them nice and crisp for summatime drankin. It’ll soon be time to start planning fall and winter brews though, so I am going to make the brits I hang out with FREAK THE FUCK OUT with a pumpkin beer (not a thing at all here), rosemary caramel blonde, and a nice, crisp winter spruce ale.
I would like to subscribe to your winter beer delivery service please.
The winter spruce ale sounds awesome!
OH used to home brew, and the most interesting beer he made was a chile stout. 1/3 a scotch bonnet per bottle was probably a bit much – oh the burn! – but it was good. I’ve had a much milder green chile pale ale in New Mexico, which is probably a better idea and could be a nice summer beer.
Your entire wk sounds glorious. Carry on.
Name one after Cerridwen! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerridwen
And maybe Nimue! http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Merlin…
Ni-Mu-eh! Ni-Mu-EH!
Moooaaar give me moooar you are giving me laaaaaaife!
(can you tell I’ve been drinking my own beer tonight? O Rly? ok, that’s cool)
Some of y’all who are tweet buds know about this already, but a couple weeks ago I finished recording a batch of demos! I’m very pleased with how they turned out & want to share them with the world at large 🙂 http://laurenoglesby.bandcamp.com
So pretty! The first song is exactly why I moved to (and stayed in) California.
These are just wonderful, Lauren.
ADDITIONAL OPEN THREAD COMMENT: I just got into Tumblr, so if there are any cool Toasties out there please share your Tumblrs with me so that I can waste more time looking at pictures from outside my specific fandoms (if they are pictures from inside YOUR specific fandoms, even better!)
my tumblr is http://amyofdoom.tumblr.com/ and it’s multi-fandom (and right now has cute animal youtube videos on it)
I follow a bunch of toasties who follow different fandoms that I do and it is awesomemmememe. There are a bunch of us on tumblr! Mine is mostly just pretty things, but it’s wintertrails!
I’m hawthorncrataegus.
Mine’s jessenigma. I think by now most of the people I follow on there are Toasties and it’s fab, so the more the merrier!
Toasties, one of my friends is a complete brogressive with a bad case of the Academic Straight White Male who spent our lunch together on Wednesday trying to strongarm me into going to church more regularly before telling me how he was starting to view abortion in a more conservative light, and why are poor people having so much sex, anyway. (His exact words: “Why is poverty such an aphrodisiac?”) His academic work is all about how the church can extend their current sexual ethic juuust enough that its demands apply to LGB people as well.
People like HIM are the reason I’m not going to church more often, the reason I’m not even sure if I count as a Christian anymore. Because an eternal god who was around for a few billion years before humans were even a thing being a god who also cares how and when two humans’ genitals touch is completely fucking absurd to me.
And yet he has been a good friend to me, and he’s moving away, and that’s not how I wanted to remember him.
Mrrrgh. *shoves head under a pillow* Rant over. I’m having more wine when I get home tonight. Taking suggestions for viciously misandrist toasts here.
My go-to phrases with my conservative, bigoted family members:
“Love is good.”
“All healthy adults have sex.”
“Where’s the harm?”
“There’s more than one correct way to …”
“Their choices need not match yours.”
“Jesus said exactly what on that subject?”
Vague answers aren’t gonna do a thing to him, I’m afraid. He likes debating and apologetics and all that sort of overwhelming stuff.
Your rant has inspired me to add my ranting voice to yours, so here we go:
I’m sorry about your friend’s brogressiveness. I gotta say your position sounds more Christian than his does. No way is it in the spirit of Christ to put the blame on the poor for their lack of access to good sexual education and contraceptives. Have a whole bunch of Christians past and present done exactly that? Well, yeah. But that doesn’t make it a particularly Christian thing to do.
I think that God does care about humans’ genitals touching*, but only in the sense that God cares about humans (or animals or aliens or whatever kind of sentient beings we’re talking about) treating each other with charity and compassion and not hurting each other. It’s sadly easy for people to get hurt where sex is concerned, just because any kind of closeness opens up opportunities for people to hurt one another, and also because sexuality in particular is super complicated and there is no shortage of snags and snarls for everybody to trip up on. This doesn’t stop being true when people get married. Also, people have sex unmarried, with nobody getting hurt or pressured or exploited or lied to, all the time.
Waiting for marriage can be a safety measure to protect one’s own heart (which is not guaranteed to work), or something one does just because it’s what one and/or one’s partner is most comfortable with – but not waiting for marriage isn’t sin. This is one of those things that is being debated heavily at church conferences all over, but the question is settled in my mind!
I don’t think God cares about whether you keep calling yourself Christian or not, but if you do, there’ll be one more reasonable Christian in the church, which I would be happy about!
*(Assuming God exists. I’d personally put the odds at about 3:1 in God’s favor, and even if God doesn’t exist as a person, goodness and love still exist, etc.)
India has a new government with an absolute majority. This should be good news, except the party that won (and the future Prime Minister) are terrible. 🙁
I got into two separate arguments today with Men about Comedy and I’m just about ready to start openly weeping at my desk. Too frustrated and exhausted today.
If I ever make or support the sort of comedy that would cause anyone to need to justify their basic humanity, punch me in the face.
These men, the ones who argued with you, they shall not be spared.
I very much hope they won’t be. I wasn’t even pulling my usual BURN ALL MEN TO THE GROUND spiel, just saying that perhaps they should not tell an aspiring woman comedian that you do not find women comedians funny!
And then the second one was with a Daniel Tosh defender so BURN ALL MEN TO THE GROUND.
DUDE. I do not understand the Daniel Tosh thing. Even before he was offensive and terrible, he was just straight up not funny!
I wish it wasn’t so difficult for men to tell the difference between “edgy” and “funny” and “just plain being an asshole”.
GUUUUUUYS. So I’m an editor at an academic press, currently transitioning from a mostly administrative role to an active book-acquiring one, annnnnnd I just received the manuscript for the very first book I signed all by myself!!!!!
Hey, CONGRATS! That’s a huge deal!!! I’m actually working on making a similar transition (but am not quuuuuuuite there yet)! Please feel free to get at me if you’re interested in chatting semiprofessionally while waiting in between Toast updates sometime!
THANKS! I would love to talk about publishing stuff — email me at [email protected]!
Toasties, I am moving to a new apartment this summer where I will have multiple rooms in which to live, surely the greatest goal of any solitary misandrist. This week my current landlady started showing my apartment and emailed me saying it’s not clean enough (but not anything about specific parts that need more cleaning, naturally). I consider the current state of my apartment SO CLEAN; also definitely as clean as another apartment she’s renting that I looked at a couple weeks ago. Commiserate with me!
She’s mistaken. She was thinking of someone else’s apartment. Or she mistyped. She meant to say it is certainly clean enough!
Otherwise, fuck her. Your apartment is more than fine. It is a delightful den of welcome and pleasure.
Haha thank you! I will definitely tell myself that.
My spouse has gone out of town until Monday and I am realizing that I don’t even know what to do. I had plenty of notice, but it only hit me last night that she was really going to be gone. I’m so used to just being in the same room together for most of every weekend…
I am already feeling lonely. I hope some friends end up being free. >_>
I am late to the open thread but, Toasties, I am on a train on my way to Seattle to see my mother, and it is her birthday, and last week was my twin sister’s and my birthday, and so I have a bouquet of Costco flowers for my mum and you should all be jealous because trains are a delight.
Hey, fellow Portlander who had a train conversation with me previously on the toast! I am, as always, super jelly of your train ride!
Welcome to our fair city, fellow dinosaur!
I think it’s totally okay to be nervous about all of the things you mentioned. I don’t know if this relates, but I used to really, really want to be in control of my life (big transitions are times when you lose a lot of your control) and I ended up realizing that it drained me, because I was never really in control but put so much energy into trying to be. What I came away with was just trying, as best as I can, to embrace that life happens, and that you can sail in life’s seas and do your best to navigate, but that ultimately you are at the mercy of the winds and waves…and to be okay with that. Sometimes you will have bad times, but in general you tend to stay afloat.
But you will totally be fine. 🙂
(this is my attempt at saying something that will make you feel better. If it does not work that way feel free to complain! 😀 )
also oh god someone tell me that jobs aren’t scary and travel isn’t scary and moving isn’t scary and that there is no reason to fret until something actually happens and nothing has happened yet
I know this is super vague but I can’t help it.
Do not fret until something happens!! Jobs and travel and moving aren’t scary until something happens that makes them scary! Don’t freak out over things that haven’t happened yet.
Have a good trip!! I was wondering what the flowers were for. Happy birthday to The Family Robot!
Moving is not scary and travel is not scary and jobs are a little bit scary but only until you figure out important things like where the bathrooms and pens are, and then they are only scary in the same way all the other jobs were scary.
There is no reason to fret at all; you do not need to fret beforehand, and then when something happens, you will be too busy to fret!
Has anyone here flown on Gulf Air?
I just bought a ticket for a very long flight with them, and I’m excited, but can’t stop being unnerved by the fact that it was $300-400 cheaper than ALL the other carriers (and wondering what my midnight connection in Bahrain Airport as a solo female is going to be like).
Do you guys comprehend fashion? Like, the color matching bits, and the how to determine what you like in clothing and then express that you like those things, and then also sometimes people have TWO THINGS that are the SAME COLOR and it looks AMAZING, but where do you buy the same color skirt/nail polish/hair/jewelry?
What I’m saying is I have no idea whatsoever, took all my wardrobe ideas from a computer programmer (five appropriate workday outfits, one fancy dress, assorted loungewear, all machine washable save the fancy dress) and would like to learn more, without very specific advice (don’t wear seersucker with black pants) or body shaming.
Also I need a new fancy dress. Fancy dress selling places?
http://www.alreadypretty.com <– no body shaming!!
Fancy dresses that fit me come from http://www.eshakti.com where you can give them all your measurements and then the dress comes to your house and it magically fits in the awkward places that dresses usually don’t fit.
Not sure if I should subscribe to this blog- we are perfectly aligned in shoe taste, but on the other hand…we are perfectly aligned in shoe taste. Dangerous…
One of the best tips I ever learned was that to match to a pattern, you find the color in the pattern that is least represented and wear that as the complementary color. So if there’s just a teeny bit of red in the pattern of your shirt, you add a red bracelet. Or if the plaid in your shirt has just a liiiiiiittle yellow, you wear a yellow sweater over it.
You are not alone. I still have a hard with anything other than the most basic matching theory. I know a couple of people who are into fashion, which is a whole other level from the kind of general societal expectation meeting that you are talking about. It looks random to me, I just cannot even see the difference between something fashionable and a literally random assortment of garments.
I have a friend who is really into fashion like this and yes, it is a whole other language of geekery, and she sees so many things I am totally blind to.
Fancy dress- Nordstroms usually has delightful customer service and in-house alterations (if you are buying a fancy dress it is worth giving someone another $20 or whatever to make it fit nicely, and if you are like me actually taking things to an alterations place is a scary void of unknown into which you will never bother to venture)
I am not a fashion-y person, but color wise I think in families- lots of pinks/ light blues/ creams/ tans in the summer, more vibrant blues/ greens/ reds with black in the winter. I mostly don’t do brown because then I would need a whole brown family of shoes and I like black better anyways.
I also have a pretty set preference for shapes I like on my body- more or less none of which are in fashion right now, so I’m mostly waiting things out. Those preferences I pretty much developed by trying lots of things on and rolling with my initial nope/yep impressions- I would pretty much always do me in a pencil skirt, so I own more of those, and I’m not a fan of me in high necklines, so I skip those and grab the V instead.
Fashion is basically dress-up for grownups, I think, if you approach it from “what do I want” rather than “what should I do”
This may not be useful at all, but I’ve found that having a general color theme running through my wardrobe helps in waking up and putting something on without thinking too hard about it. For me, it’s a cop-out; I mostly wear black (I really like black and neutrals, ok?). So I have a bunch of black tops with different necklines that I can pair with different colored skirts or pants. Ditto for dresses. This can be done with any color group though, so if you really love yellow or blue, getchu some yellow or blue! I think of blue, black or white jeans as neutrals, so it leaves lots of color options open for tops. I pick stuff up that matches as I go along (in life, that is), because I tend to gravitate to the same colors as accents. Along with my black, I have a bunch of deep reds, fuschias, greens, oranges, etc, but in the form of accessories or the odd top or belt, because it turns out, those are always the colors I say “OOOHH PRETTY!” at. And then it became “hmm… I now have a pair of green shoes and SHIT! I must’ve gotten this green bangle at some point. Saaaaaay…they match!”. It seems to work so far?
Refinery29 is pretty good place for fashion advice, also I like Cup Of Jo. I don’t know too much about color theory, but they do a lot of editorials about putting outfits together.
Sometimes I do the ‘all one color’ outfit, but I don’t realize it ’til I’m halfway to work and then I just think “you can’t turn back now just pretend it’s on purpose.”
For fancy dresses, how fancy? Like work fancy or some kind of regatta gala fancy? I second the recommendation for Nordstrom’s or Barney’s.
Academichic! It’s now sadly defunct, but their tutorials are killer–lots of good info about color, proportion, mixing and matching without rules or shaming.
Along similar lines is Putting Me Together’s tips, especially her Building A Remixable Wardrobe series.
I have been ecstatically happy both for and about Conchita Wurst since last week. Any fans out there? Buehler?
HELL YES!
Academichic! It's now sadly defunct, but their tutorials are killer–lots of good info about color, proportion, mixing and matching without rules or shaming.
Along similar lines is Putting Me Together's tips, especially her Building A Remixable Wardrobe series.
I don't know your friends or the context, but that seems hella weird their reaction. Like if you lived most of life being read as female , idealized female presentation would of been a stick used to beat you with , so it seems fair that you could of had a chance to satirical push or play with it.
Though people catching shit in radical circles for liking lipstick and high heels is totally a thing so um complicated