Quentin Tarantino’s Twenty-Year Plan -The Toast

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listHis muse is his at last! Twenty years after Quentin Tarantino directed Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, Us Weekly can confirm that the two have taken their relationship to the next level. Sources tell Us that the pair recently spent time together at the 2014 Cannes Film Festival in the South of France, where they even shared a villa.

“They had a thing and got together again recently,” one insider tells Us. “He’s loved her for years.”

The Toast can confirm Quentin Tarantino’s 20-Year, 1000-Point Plan For Getting Uma Thurman To Date Me, the very existence of which has remained a hotly debated rumor in Hollywood for years. We have received exclusive publishing rights to reprint from it certain excerpts, which we will do so here.

1. Become internationally renowned filmmaker.

2. Pheromones?? (buy some)

3. Computer how to make human smile with face

4. Hugging: learn it

5. Buy private island, suggest Uma join me in a human-hunting expedition, as a bonding experience. Back off if she doesn’t seem into it.

6. Watch The Avengers (not the good one)

7. Stop using the n-word so much

8. Wear colorful hats

9. Save her from banditos

10. Watch as much of My Super Ex-Girlfriend as possible

11. Learn her favorite flavor of something

12. No more breaking into her apartment to give her foot massages while she’s sleeping; only give foot massages when awake

13. Save her from German cattle rustlers

14. Maybe as a joke thing, I’d go up to her and be like, “Oh, hey, do you want to dance?” And she’d be like, “Eh, what the heck,” right? Or something, I don’t know.

15. Take her to Dairy Queen

16. Classy kidnapping

17. Practice making supportive human noises

18. Find something nice to say about The Avengers

19. Hulk serum?

20. Date Ethan Hawke to make her jealous

21. I’m so tired

22. Have her killed

23. Make her think I’m trying to have her killed but really throw a surprise birthday party for her at Chateau Marmont

24. Kill someone at birthday party?

25. Shoes

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