His muse is his at last! Twenty years after Quentin Tarantino directed Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, Us Weekly can confirm that the two have taken their relationship to the next level. Sources tell Us that the pair recently spent time together at the 2014 Cannes Film Festival in the South of France, where they even shared a villa.
“They had a thing and got together again recently,” one insider tells Us. “He’s loved her for years.”
The Toast can confirm Quentin Tarantino’s 20-Year, 1000-Point Plan For Getting Uma Thurman To Date Me, the very existence of which has remained a hotly debated rumor in Hollywood for years. We have received exclusive publishing rights to reprint from it certain excerpts, which we will do so here.
1. Become internationally renowned filmmaker.
2. Pheromones?? (buy some)
3. Computer how to make human smile with face
4. Hugging: learn it
5. Buy private island, suggest Uma join me in a human-hunting expedition, as a bonding experience. Back off if she doesn’t seem into it.
6. Watch The Avengers (not the good one)
7. Stop using the n-word so much
8. Wear colorful hats
9. Save her from banditos
10. Watch as much of My Super Ex-Girlfriend as possible
11. Learn her favorite flavor of something
12. No more breaking into her apartment to give her foot massages while she’s sleeping; only give foot massages when awake
13. Save her from German cattle rustlers
14. Maybe as a joke thing, I’d go up to her and be like, “Oh, hey, do you want to dance?” And she’d be like, “Eh, what the heck,” right? Or something, I don’t know.
15. Take her to Dairy Queen
16. Classy kidnapping
17. Practice making supportive human noises
18. Find something nice to say about The Avengers
19. Hulk serum?
20. Date Ethan Hawke to make her jealous
21. I’m so tired
22. Have her killed
23. Make her think I’m trying to have her killed but really throw a surprise birthday party for her at Chateau Marmont
24. Kill someone at birthday party?
25. Shoes
Tags: celebrities, faking human behavior, love, news, quentin tarantino, relationships, uma thurman
The “insider” that says he’s loved her for years could be LITERALLY ANYONE.
Right? HE HAS NEVER BEEN SUBTLE ABOUT IT.
Wait a second here – in the MCU, Banner’s gamma radiation test was an attempt to re-create the Super-Solider serum , Erksine’s formula. Like the serum, the gamma program just brings out whatever is inside and makes it bigger, distilling it. So good natured moral Steve becomes superhuman pillar of decency Cap while an oozy Nazi becomes a Day Of The Dead decoration bent on world domination.
QT taking a “Hulk serum” would result in a refined, concentrated version of himself – made bigger, larger, more obvious.
It would result in Quentin Tarantino.
hey can I just hang out in this thread for the rest of the day and talk about how great Steve/Cap is, okay, thanks
Can I hang too? I have an entirely unpatriotic* love of the Cap that is approximately the size of mars. Or something else that’s really really big.
*I’m Australian. I shudder to think what Captain Australia would be like.
my favorite part (yes i have favorite parts of my own work) is that he doesn’t think it’s realistic to stop using the n-word altogether, just LESS OFTEN
He gets to, though, because he’s pretty sure he’s an honorary black man…
i just had a conversation with an otherwise intelligent nigh-friend who dearly wishes for the world to be in a post-racial mode simply so that slurs could be used in ironic, anachronistic jokes. yes, he’s an entitled white boy who listens to rap music (and married an Asian woman).
Have her dog kidnapped. “Save” the dog
I for one am looking forward to future uses of the “faking human behavior” tag.
ALSO, in ADDITION to blowing a great rom-com concept (What would it be like to date a superhero if you had no powers?) How the HELL do you have a movie called MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND without including the XTC song “That’s Really Super, Supergirl.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4pmp9KsFW4&f…
I mean if you can’t get that song you DON’T MAKE THE MOVIE.
Sheesh.
I know it won’t happen, but I really want a (good) superhero rom-com in the MCU (it should probably feature Falcon since that was 1/3 of his role in Cap 2 anyway).
Yes. Thor 2 was going in that direction in some scenes, just …push it a little further.
It would have to be an already canon relationship, or fandom would implode, mass riots everywhere, AO3 would gain sentience and become Skynet, and leadership of countries would be determined by Kudos scores. The Good Ship/Harmonian Wars of 2006 would pale in comparison.
Steve/Tony is basically canon, right?
With a jealous Bruce on the sidelines, yes.
This seems like a good place for this: https://twitter.com/ForgottenOrder/status/4735043…
what even what how
(it’s a photoshop it’s actually ‘solid advice’ but in my HEAD that’s totally a euphemism so)
Totally stealing the advice = dick euphemism from you, which should make client meetings 10x more enjoyable.
I’M IN YR ARCHIVES QUEERING YR CANON
It is canon that in an alternate dimension they averted major world-changing disaster by GETTING MARRIED.
(Also, Tony was female in that universe, but w/e. We all got the point.)
Maybe some of the Young Avengers? I’ve only read like two issues (because of Hawkguy) but it seems like there are some delightful dynamics going on there and you wouldn’t have to worry about everyone freaking out about the main Avengers. Plus I want Kate Bishop to be in all movies.
THANK YOU Quentin Tarantino is the fucking worst. I bet he always has a runny nose.
And not one of those ones you don’t mind, like those on people under five. But one of those godawful adult ones with incessant back-snorting.
Of course QT is a snarfer. He probably incessantly hocks loogies too.
Ugh, my significant other is told frequently that he looks like (younger) Quentin Tarantino (it happened twice in one day last week!). I always find this to be among the most offensive comparisons that could be made, because I find Tarantino repulsive. I mean, I guess I see it, but really only because they both have big heads, a similar balding pattern, and prefer closed-mouth smiles. But I still hate the comparison and have to remind myself they aren’t saying they have similar personalities!
This has officially made my day.
QULAITY CLEBRITY GOSZIP!
The Toast is *all about* qulaity.
I vote for number 9, with music and antiquated rape jokes. But it depends on what you pay.
Anybody remember the Alias episode where Quentin guest starred and Jennifer Garner had to pretend it would be possible for her to lose a physical fight to him and his manly punching skills? By “Anybody remember?” I mean “Everybody remembers, of course” because you don’t forget that. anybody who watched that and still doubts that Jennifer Garner has amazing acting abilities come see me after class and we’ll have a talk.
god remember how she fell down and made a pain-face just like it would actually hurt, what craft
I REMEMBER. Those are definitely the absolute worst episodes of Alias to ever happen, and they weren’t even in season 5.
that was the one where they cut off Sloane’s finger at the end of the second part though, right? I liked that part!
but THE ONLY people Jennifer Garner was allowed to lose physical fights to were 1. Gina Torres, sexily, 2. her mom and 3. Francie that one time. I hated when they broke that rule, which I invented and which was good.
losing to Quentin even temporarily, god — just, if you want some magic, show, do another Rambaldi thingamagig but do not expect us to believe in this.
aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahah I forgot about Rambaldi
How could you forget about Rambaldi?!
the champagne backwash thing in that episode still grosses me out BEYOND BELIEF
I remember when she memorized that binary code in the episode. “0010101010101010101111101010101” (or something like that).
Also Tarantino is the biggest douchebag i’ve had the displeasure of meeting twice.
you’ve met him? details please!
In his defense this was 3-5 years ago and maybe he completed more of his 20 year plan and is a more mellow person now.
1) He makes fun of people that come up to him /fawn over him/ask for his autograph.
2) he throws tantrums to get free stuff/stuff done his way/sucked up.
=(
Hah, at first I was like knee-jerk “EW OMG GROSS TARANTINO IS A NICE GUY (TM)” and then I read the whole article and it actually sounds like she’s been into it here and there for the whole time so… good for them, I suppose.
I will be super honest and admit that 90% of my objection to their relationship is SHEER, BIGOTED LOOKISM, because his face looks like a big toe, or like Fred Astaire left under a sunlamp to melt
the other 10% is definitely principled about how weird he is though
My objection is that there are defintiely some jizzweeds out there who are like, “Look, it IS possible to wear her down!” and then they continue to worship him as some kind of sex deity.
Yeah, this is NOT the best time for a “nerd gets the hot girl” success story… :-/
among whom exactly is Quentin Tarantino a sex icon
definitely not all women
Yes! See my reply to icebergy’s comment above and understand why I have to supress a loud, violent, “HOW DARE YOU?!?!?!?!” any time somebody tells me or my boyfriend that he looks like Tarantino. My guy is 100% less snake-eyed and villain-chinned! HOW RUDE!
Next time I will laugh though, because I will picture the person saying “Your boyfriend looks just like Fred Astaire left under a sunlamp to melt!”
I always think his face looks like a bell pepper.
All together, everyone: “Women are taught to think of men as people; men are taught to think of women as objects.”
No comment yet from the Russian band Uma Turman, who have been vying for her love for nearly as long:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MbFkdmbXa8
God it makes me so happy that you put this here.
Man, I know some people in my life who could use some practice making “supportive human noises.” Good on him for at least planning to try…
God it makes me so happy that you put this here.
I love this for a lot of reasons but I especially love that it gives voice to why the whole idea of muses creeps me out. You KNOW every dude-artist who has a “muse” has a more or less creepy version of this list.
I love this for a lot of reasons but I especially love that it gives voice to why the whole idea of muses creeps me out. You KNOW every dude-artist who has a "muse" has a more or less creepy version of this list.
“6. Watch The Avengers (not the good one)”
Of course not the good one. Uma Thurman is probably tired of watching her own movies.
26. Chop off her hand
all i care about is: does this mean kill bill 3 might actually happen?
all i care about is: does this mean kill bill 3 might actually happen?