okay
okay i’m ready
let’s do this
ah yes
this is how kissing goes
your whole face in my mouth, that’s what kissing is
now stop squirming so I can absorb your essence
No
no
no
no, that’s quite all right
“No, it’s — I’m pretty sure the table is supposed to stay between us.”
“Don’t look, children. It’s just awful.”
what are you laughing about
nothing
i’m not laughing
well stop it
you’re not laughing right into my mouth
i’m not doing anything
maybe if you weren’t clinging to my back like an octopus squeezing its prey i wouldn’t be laughing into your mouth
you are fucking impossible
I can almost reach the sword
“Really, Jimward? Heterosexuality? In my house?”
oh Christ
they’re mashing their faces again
what do I do
my God
that’s not —
it’s a MUSTACHE
he’s growing that thing on purpose
he’s growing a mustache on purpose right at my mouth
Ah, my lady, to be alone with you at last
be quiet
if you’re very good
I’ll let you carry my hat later
when will death come
but
i was reading
Oh, hells
well
one of us is going to have to go home and change
i just plain don’t like you
[Images via Wikimedia Commons]
Tags: art history, artwork, heterosexuality doesn’t work
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Wow, it’s like someone put an easel next to my high school dating life and drew themselves a picture.
I like their eyebrows too. We still shouldn’t.
Jimward
That second one, obviously she’s murdered him and is now sucking the final remnants of his soul out, yes? And the floating thing on the right is probably where she will trap said soul, for easier disposal to the grid. Like Ghostbusters.
I love how she’s holding onto his hand on the arm of the bench, like he’s trying to pull himself away!
He was trying to pull himself away. Was.
Seventh from the top: girl, I don’t think you need that sword. Given that guy’s glassy-eyed stare, I suspect he is clearly already out of your impeccable hair.
He looks like a vampire to me. I suspect she may have trouble.
He’s just spotted Pierre-Yves across the parade ground in his new 9th Hussars dress uniform.
Is it just me or does he look like Prince?
# 12 looks like they’re both just trying to determine the exact right moment to pull away. It’s not even like she needs the mustache excuse, but every little bit helps. (So MANY of these look like they’re waiting for the right moment to pull away. Heterosexuality is a taxing, ennui-filled activity.)
Someone pointed out that the Raja Ravi Varma painting included Krishna and wasn’t really in the same “secular, anonymous people doing silly things” category as the rest of the paintings. I took it out because I didn’t want it to seem even tangentially like I was making light of Hinduism, so I’ve removed it, in case you’re wondering why one of the pictures is gone.
Thanks, Mallory.
Why? Why wouldn’t you want to be seen as (even) tangentially making light of Hinduism? Are you a Hindu yourself, or do you feel there is something particularly special and sacred about Hinduism which warrants it immunity from mockery? Or do you feel only people who come from a particular tradition should mock that particular tradition, and outsiders have no business making fun of something Serious and Important to Other (brown?) People? Maybe because Britain colonized India, (so now a person of presumably British descent should feel sensitive about mocking a tradition of blah blah blah)?
#1 how did you get a picture of me
I look forward to the day that Mallory announces that she’s an invited speaker for an Art History course. That lecture will be MARVELOUS.
I’m in capable of seeing that last picture as anything other than the cover of Possession, but it works pretty well in the context of the book…
Jimward
Jimward, she is knitting
Jimward that simply isn’t polite
If you had even looked at her knitting, you would see that she doesn’t cross her cables in that direction, if you know what I mean
I’ve read a few of these posts now, and I’m pretty sure what she’s doing is weaving.
Jameswardene Throckmorton Drabshire! One simply does NOT scrub a lady’s ear with one’s ghastly lip-hedge while she is weaving a lute! I am afraid I must ask you to LEAVE
ahhh, textile work misidentification trolling, the most effective troll against my textile-loving heart
U WANA FITE
I would have thought knitting with dpns.
No Jimward
I’ll be with you in a moment
I’ve just got to finish this round
I love how the guy in #5 is doing his utmost to keep his crotch as far away as possible from the woman he’s making out with. You must accept a kiss from your lady if she offers one, because to do otherwise would cause her grievous offence, but under no circumstances must you risk making her aware of your disgusting turgid man-meats. Courtly love is so beautiful!
“disgusting turgid man meats” is always so true.
And a perfect band name.
“I’m a troubadour! That’s why I’m doing this! I don’t want to sully the purity of our romantic love with base, physical pleasure! And totally not because the Duc d’Aquitaine is watching!”
The face-mashers look more like he’s feeding her like a bird. And the woman sitting on the table, staring at us with almost panic, is probably thinking, “he saw us kissing earlier and thought he’d try it, but now he’s just choking my girlfriend.”
I totally thought the same thing: Why, he’s her mama bird!
“heterosexuality doesn’t work”
Well someone had to say it.
“Gawd, Jimward. You made me mess my count up. Now I have to frog,and with fingering weight too. I’m going to have to stab you in your stupid eye now.”
I’ve come back twice this afternoon to chortle over “I’m going to have to stab you in your stupid eye now.”
The levitating condom in the second painting is probably somehow responsible for the romantic fumblings.
That’s right, kiss, it telepaths, and soon it shall be MY time…
The second and penultimate images pretty much sum up how I interact with the men I date. I enjoy androgynous fashion and overly enthusiastic makeouts. Maybe I should link to this on my OkCupid profile.
I’m so glad that at least two of these appear to be Dante mooning after Beatrice. It tickles my little nerdy heart.
I’m pretty sure in that ninth one an attempt is being made to inflate the mandolin player by mouth, perhaps beyond the tolerances of the human body
#1 – that is what people mean when they talk about wanting to bone, right?
A) Where does “you can carry my hat later” lady come from? I love them! I want to write a Georgette Heyer romance about them.
B) The last one is Merlin and Nimue. She does hate him, and when he realizes what she’s up to, I’m pretty certain the feeling is mutual.
“I just plain don’t like you”
hip tattoo candidate
on number 5, am I reading too much into the fact that those two lady’s hats are touching
SUBTEXT.
but
i was reading
… that happens a lot after almost ten years of marriage.
Or, even 2…..
I mean I love my husband, but this book is due back to the library in 3 days and is not a sexy book….
the number of times I’ve been chastised for laughing into someone’s mouth…
was disappointed by the absence of Michelfron. if that wasn’t performance art, i don’t know what performance art is.
(nobody knows what performance art is)
“I don’t know what’s going on here. I suppose it might be performance art.”
“But I was reading.” LIterally me like every time my ex wanted to have sex with me. OK, sometimes it was TV. Don’t worry, I usually still watched TV at the same time.
/whimper 🙁
Oh. I thought the appropriate response to unwanted advances was to scream and run, playground-style.
“if you’re very good, I’ll let you carry my hat later”
This series has a fixation with hats that rivals Team Fortress 2.
d100 == 1 FUMBLE!
It is one of those "classic" marketing manipulations they use on us, yes. Reminding people of their death makes us spend more. Not so subtle there however.
If Michelangelo had sculpted skeletons.
I totally thought the same thing: Why, he's her mama bird!