Movies I Don’t Know What We Did To Deserve This But We’re Getting A Second Hercules Movie This Year And The Rock Is In It
We get not one but two Hercules movies this year.
Mallory Ortberg
Movies 
Books Revisiting Pamela: How To Read Books You Don’t Want To
Pamela is a great book about a terrible thing. How do you read books like that?
Artwork Two Orthodox Monks Invent Byzantine Art
Byzantine art: just the way normal faces look with eyes in them.
Family Now That I’m A Mother I Just Don’t Have Time For Going On All Those Quests
I just don't have the time for quests that I used to before I became a mother.
Music Ganondorf’s Breakup Playlist
Ganondorf has a pretty great breakup playlist.
Animals The Velveteen Rabbit
The story of the Velveteen Rabbit.
Zeus’ Girlfriend Goes To Church
Danae learns the problems of doing it with a god.
Dirtbag Macbeth
Macbeth with dirtbags.
Books Does He Like You? A Quiz By Samuel Richardson’s Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded
A quiz to determine whether that special someone likes you based on the novel 'Pamela' by Samuel Richardson.
Dreams My List of Demands
Mallory's list of demands.
Movies Dialogue I Desperately Pray Will Be Featured in Darren Aronofsky’s Noah
Dialogue I really, really hope they include in Noah.
Books Yellin’ About McClellan: Every Line About General George McClellan In Team Of Rivals That Made Me Say “UUUUUGH” Out Loud While Alone In My Car
Oh God, I hate Civil War General George McClellan so much.
Travel Take Your Grandmothers To National Parks
You get to hear about Mallory's vacation because this is my website, shut up.
Meta Toast Points For The Week of March 14
This week's toasty points.
Beauty Advice From Mallory, A Solitary Witch
Beauty advice for those who want to be left alone forever.
