News Things The Police Have Been Doing Lately
What are the police up to? Oh, dear.
Mallory Ortberg
News 
Poetry Slavoj Žižek Gets His Hair Cut
Mallory's first poem on The Toast is about Slavoj Žižek's hair.
Books Scarlett Johansson Sues France’s Most Heartbreakingly Misguided Man
Scarlett Johansson doesn't love you, you poor French man.
Magic Young Henry VIII Was One Benedict Cumberbatch-Looking Son Of A Bitch
Young Henry VIII, you cut that out. Stop looking like Benedict Cumberbatch.
Advice The Best Lines From The Summer 2014 Issue Of The New Pioneer
Mallory's favorite lines from the summer issue of "The New Pioneer," her new favorite magazine.
Meta Toast Points For The Week Of July 11th
Toast Points from the week of July 11th.
Books Dirtbag Arthur Miller
Arthur Miller, celebrated American playwright and teenage dirtbag.
Music The Oldest Song In The World Sounds Like The Zelda Theme
Tell me they don't sound the same to you.
Books The Brontës’ Juvenilia Is Tiny And Stupid; This Giant Book Rules
Suck it by comparison, the Brontës' juvenilia!
Books How To Tell If You Are In A Jorge Luis Borges Story
How to figure out if you're trapped inside a Jorge Luis Borges story.
Meta You Are Invited To The Toast’s One-Year Anniversary Party
You're invited to our one-year anniversary party!
Family I Almost Caught A Leprechaun Once: Having Two Feelings At The Same Time
You can have more than one feeling at the same time, but you can't have a leprechaun.
Magic J.K. Rowling’s Latest Harry Potter Short Story Confirms Existence Of A Time-Travelling Ronbledore As Canon
J.K. Rowling confirms the canonical existence of a time-traveling Ronbledore.
Humor Content From Around The Web
We found some web content.
News Can You Pass Manhattan’s Newest Preschool Admission Test?
There's a new preschool admissions aptitude test for Manhattan's elite private schools. Could you pass it?
