I never expected anything like The Toast.

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN: "If Channing Tatum were your boyfriend, he would get you the worst birthday gifts, but he would look at you with such love that you would never care. Then he would dance for you."

Just read everything; gather ye Toast while ye may.

(One more week.)

If Lea Salonga were your best friend, your text messages would be laced with song lyrics, things you were too shy to tweet, and the occasional dreamcast prediction for the live-action Mulan.

So I finally watched Zootopia.

This week! It was a good week.

I GET TO SEE NICOLE TODAY

There are a dang lot of toast necklaces on Etsy.

HAPPY FRIDAY

HIGHLIGHTS

If LeVar Burton and Yo-Yo Ma were your dads, you would be able to judge a book by its cover. Literally. You’d never waste your time reading books that would only disappoint you.

If LeVar Burton and Yo-Yo Ma were your dads, no one would be permitted to "joke" about arts and humanities majors’ dead-end jobs in your presence. No one would even want to.

Today I'm giving myself the gift of Captain America: Civil War and a couple of good Twitter auto-blockers. What are you all up to this weekend?

A little sea-bathing would set me up forever.

I'm moving to the beach, I'm totally gonna do it.

Let's all just move to the beach.

That's a very pretty dogwood tree in my neighborhood that just burst into bloom this week. Perhaps you prefer the pink dogwood trees. Perhaps you are wrong.