Posts tagged “things mallory does for no reason”

  1. Uuuugggh
    They're just taking a bunch of words and making it into this whole thing 
    Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing, so that's me, right there, so it goes even beyond what we can associate it with
    It can be a combination of things

  2. Your damned insolence, peasant!
    Another word against Lady Micklemack-Zero-Gravity, slave!
    These outrageous accusations against the High House of Stabbington, you nameless wench!

  3. I am a simple woman, with simple joys. They're writing songs of love, but not for bees A lucky star's above, but not for bees With love to lead the way, I found more skies of grey Than any Russian play could guarantee I was a fool to fall, and get that way, Heigh-ho, alas, and also lack-a-day Although I can't dismiss The memory of her kiss I guess she's not for bees…

  4. Previously: The Unchill Bible. Genesis 7:1 Then the Lord said to Noah, “Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are bitchin' before Me in this generation. Genesis 18:23-24 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the bitchin' with the wicked? Suppose there were fifty bitchin' within the city; would You also destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty bitchin' that…

  5. 1. Hatchet is a book about a disaffected thirteen-year-old city boy who survives a traumatic plane crash in the Canadian wilderness and learns to survive using only on his own wits and a crude hatchet given to him by his mother for fifty-four days. I do not believe this is realistic; I believe the average teen who found themselves alone in the woods would do the following: masturbate and try to roll joints out of oak leaves. 2. Lord of…

  6. Secretary. 50 Shades of Gray. I can't think of any other movies right now that fall along those lines, but two seems like sufficient cause and also you know what I'm talking about. The kind of movie where a white man with a good job is sexually rude to a stammering woman in a cardigan, and says things like "Sexually, I'm more important than you, and my father invented helicopters," and the lady says things…

  7. I love Subway sandwiches, I love everything about them, I love their poofy bread pillows they keep in those steam cages behind the register, I love that their lunch meat smells like my high school bio class when we dissected fetal pigs, I will never willingly step foot inside of a Quizno's even though there is no earthly reason to prefer one over the other, because they both produce objectively bad sandwiches. I care no…

  8. The Great Wessex Caper The boys scrambled back onto their motorcycles and gunned them a bit to get past the intersecting road in a hurry. They rode in silence for a while, gazing at the scene ahead. On their right an embankment of tumbled rocks and boulders sloped steeply to the water below. From the opposite side rose a jagged cliff. The little-traveled road was winding, and just wide enough for two cars to pass.

  9. Little Richard Nixon’s come to our house to stay, An’ wash the cups an’ saucers up, an’ brush the crumbs away, An’ shoo the chickens off the porch, an’ dust the hearth, an’ sweep, An’ make the fire, an’ bake the bread, an’ earn his board-an’-keep; An’ all us other childern, when the supper things is done, We set around the kitchen fire an’ has the mostest fun A-list’nin’ to the witch-tales ‘at Richie Nixon…

  10. Previously in this series: Some Guy Named Tim Edits The Bible To Replace All Instances Of “Time” With His Own Name. Genesis 4:11 "Now you are under bad vibes and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand." Genesis 8:21 "The Lord said: “Never again will I send bad vibes because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from…

  11. Previously: Bible Verses Where The Word “Philistines” Has Been Replaced With “Haters.” Genesis 2:17 "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, can u not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Genesis 17:15 "And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, can u not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be." Genesis 22:12 "Can u not lay…

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  13. Previously: Bible Verses Where The Word “Praying” Has Been Replaced With “Truckin.'” Genesis 26:14 "He had so many flocks and herds and servants that the haters envied him." Genesis 26:15 "So all the wells that his father’s servants had dug in the time of his father Abraham, the haters stopped up, filling them with earth." Judges 3:31 "After Ehud came Shamgar son of Anath, who struck down six hundred haters with an oxgoad. He too saved Israel."…