In mid-October I memorize my sexual assault. Over breakfast each morning I marshal memories into order, flipping through flashcards in my mind. This is what came first, then this came after. There were these words, then those hands, then that smile. I make a game of it and play it all day: for each cigarette I smoke I have to practice my story, but each time I go through it I get to smoke again.
No one who gets a postgraduate degree in Hobbit Studies ever imagines they’ll be sued by the Estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. I certainly didn’t expect to wind up in court against Christopher Tolkien and his lawyers, like Frodo Baggins facing down the Nazgûl on Weathertop. Little did I know I was heading into a legal and scholarly Midgewater when I wrote and published The Lord of the Rings: A New English Translation.
Previously in the Ronbledore saga: This guy on an old Harry Potter forum says Dumbledore is a time-traveling Ron Weasley and I want to hear him out. Fans of the Harry Potter series were stunned this weekend after author JK Rowling finally admitted her regret in pairing Ron and Hermione together, implicitly lending her support to the "Ron is a time-traveling Dumbledore" theory that has resulted in the death and denial of so many.
There will be times in your young and supple lives when the rules of polite social interaction conflict directly with your sense of integrity. Be prepared to compromise; your sense of integrity is neither so consistent nor so worth defending as you think. The following are a series of statements you must memorize and repeat word for word when "I'm so happy for you" is an abominable untruth and "Congratulations; you deserve this" a lie…
I've become obsessed recently with receiving wisdom. Not, like, Pinterest-fake-Marilyn-Monroe-wisdom: pro-tip, she did not say any of those stupid things. I mean, actual things people have said to you in conversation that are deeply wise. Whether because you're in crisis, or because the person in question is very old and learned ("the word is LEARNed, Pepe") or because the stars simply align and allow you to appreciate what is being said to you. Here are…
