Let us be frank: for practical purposes, there was but one article on the Toast this week:
“It’s not a big deal,” he said kindly, accepting the phone from her and inspecting it closely several times over to make sure there was no damage. “Not compared to, say, the war crimes of George W. Bush. Elizabeth, was it? I’m Ted. I think you can let this one slide.”
We also had a wealth of wonderful essays from Temporary Nicole Samantha Powell, who is taking her leave of us today. Although it is my hope she will stop by from time to time, if she can find the time once she’s birthed Black Jesus.
We identified with Zoidberg, and to a lesser extent Kif. We scared ourselves in Canada, we talked about depression, we got kidnapped by our dads to go camping in hell, and we finally learned what the astronomers have been up to lately.
I can’t stand it. Nothing makes sense without Nicole. I’m bored and I’m lonely and I haven’t answered any of my emails and nothing’s any good, I’m just a mess, I think when all this is over we should get an apartment together. COME BACK.
Tags: meta, nicole come back to me, toast points
Mallory, if I reach out and gently pat your hand, can we agree I’m doing it in an auntly fashion and not in any creepy stalkery way?
It was a great week, three cheers for Mallory and Samantha!
Can Liberal Dude Erotica please be posted every week? Like, not new kinds, but the exact same one we already have. Again. And again. It’s just too perfect and I need it forever.
I need to be able to set it to just scroll gently through my desktop background, so I can dip in and out whenever I want.
I never had time to go back and read many of the comments on that, and I just did, and they are so, so good. So we’ll need to repost those, too.
(The one Medium article somebody linked in those comments about the guy who can’t handle that his much-younger girlfriend of four months stopped talking to him is currently blowing my mind in the worst way possible.)
Captain Awkward has an amazing response to that Medium article, if people haven’t seen it yet.
Captain Awkward’s response was perfect
I was really glad I read them both one after the other, because without the Captain I would have exploded with rage at that cockwomble.
btw, the author of that Medium piece also wrote an article about how women should move to Seattle to work for Amazon to increase the size of his dating pool, and the winner of Wired’s Vanish contest, in which readers were challenged to track down a participating author who tried to hide his whereabouts and digital footprints.
To sum up: he thinks women should move their homes and seek notoriously punishing and underpaid employment so he has more of us to choose from. He thinks that a girlfriend isn’t entitled to break up with him without his approval. He’ll continue to contact an ex after she’s bluntly told him to stop. He published her private emails and allowed a date to take him to her place of work. He thinks his pursuit of unwanted contact is kindness to his ex, but that her warning that she might pursue anti-harassment orders is “threatening.” (He says several times in the Medium piece that she “threatened” him with legal restraint, and once just calls it “threatening” without context, which implies apparently falsely that she threatened his person.) Aaaaand he’s capable of tracking down the physical location of a tech-savvy person trying to cover their tracks.
I’ve seen a lot of reaction to the Medium piece, but I hadn’t seen those points all laid out together, and I think it’s worth considering the essay in context.
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. Poor “Emma.”
Right? Obviously just because he has the ability to digitally stalk someone doesn’t mean that he would, and I am not for a moment implying otherwise. But if I had a persistent ex who behaved as if he were entitled to my continued contact and attention and who had the ability to track even a stranger’s digital trail, I’d be worried.
Welp. That’s a winner, there.
Is his name Ted, by chance?
That dude creeps me out so much. Partly because my most recent ex is pulling the “But whyyyyy won’t you stay a part of my life, I have FEELINGS you gave me FEELINGS and I need you to validate my FEELINGS” card, but mostly because that guy is acting like a creeper of the first degree.
I just don’t get how it’s not clear. People are allowed to not talk to whoever they like for whatever reason. Guarantee if the roles were reversed, this guy would be writing scathing articles about how women are just so desperate for a relationship they’ll cling onto somebody who clearly doesn’t want them anymore and they should just get the hint and go away forever.
NIcole can come back someday but I’m so fond of Samantha.
“someday”??? HIE THEE HENCE
That dude creeps me out so much. Partly because my most recent ex is pulling the "But whyyyyy won't you stay a part of my life, I have FEELINGS you gave me FEELINGS and I need you to validate my FEELINGS" card, but mostly because that guy is acting like a creeper of the first degree.
I just don't get how it's not clear. People are allowed to not talk to whoever they like for whatever reason. Guarantee if the roles were reversed, this guy would be writing scathing articles about how women are just so desperate for a relationship they'll cling onto somebody who clearly doesn't want them anymore and they should just get the hint and go away forever.
Wait, where did Nicole go? I’ve been away from the toast for a few weeks, and I missed this?.
A well-deserved vacation! She hasn’t left forever (I hope).
Just please make sure that the apartment you get together has WINDOWS. TO THE OUTSIDE.