Movies Every Hitchcock Movie Ever
A blonde so remote and chilly even the sun can't melt her.
Mallory Ortberg
Movies 
Heroes Madeline Kahn Monday: The Kangaroo Hop
From Gene Wilder's "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother."
Animals Texts From A Tiny Glow-In-The-Dark Shark
mmzzmp
Books Every Time Someone’s Eyes Flash Fire In A Sir Walter Scott Novel
Her eyes flashed fire!
Art Two Monks Learn How To Draw Hands
MONK #1: why would anyone hold hands
MONK #2: to protect the tiny witch hiding underneath them writing you a poem
Movies Lesbian Remakes This Broken, Sorrowing World Needs Immediately
Substitute with lesbians as needed.
Movies Movie Yelling With Mallory and Mallory: Stop Making Me Care About Kyp Durron
"HEY LET'S KEEP KYP DURRON THOUGH"
Heroes Madeline Kahn Monday: Madeline and Bernadette Peters
Were you worried we didn't live in a world where Madeline Kahn and Bernadette Peters sang a duet together? Worry not. We do.
Books Unnecessary Digs At Servants In Classic Vampire Novels
Vampires hate one thing more than they hate sunlight: people who work for a living.
Books The Merry Spinster, Coming Soon To A Bookstore Or Also On Line Near You And Frankly Not That Soon But Hooray Anyway!
I sold my second book! Now I have to write my second book! Then and only then can you read it.
Television Robert Goulet Friday: Your Manager Says For You To Shut Up
Begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.
Music “No Bad Vibez,” Rich White Ladies
You heard the ladies!
Books Please Recommend Your Favorite Trashy Memoirs
They don't have to be celebrity memoirs, and in fact more often than not I'd prefer they not be. The best trashy memoir is petty and willing to dish about everything – if they don't name names, they let you fill in the blanks easily enough – and tells you things you want to believe are true, even if they can't possibly be.
Language Inexplicably Insulting Nicknames, In Order
Listen, Champ.
Movies Woman Confirms Movie Happened As You Remember It
NO, I KNOW.
