“A lot of people have directed Stephen King novels and stories, and I finally decided if you want something done right, you oughtta do it yourself.” (Stephen King in the trailer for Maximum Overdrive, 1986) The cultural cachet of The Shining (1980) is familiar to everyone who has had fleeting exposure to American television, books or movies in the past century. The Simpsons referenced it, your mom loves it, and it’s the movie you put…
Keifer Sutherland as Senator Corvus provided the film with a villain; however, in real life Mt. Vesuvius did not serve as a member of the Roman Republic and certainly never tried to marry a 19-year-old girl. In one scene, the young Roman noblewoman Cassia exits her litter in order to speak alone with a male slave; this is inaccurate as women of that era did not have legs and would have been unable to walk…
Last night, I saw another campy gladiator movie. There was a real missed opportunity inasmuch as no character ever uttered the line "Sometimes, I really gladi-hate you." Last night, I had a dream, and in my dream I wrote a teen comedy set in a gladiatorial school. There was a surly North African gladiator one day away from freedom, a Spaniard with a murdered family, a one-handed Celt with something to prove, a female…
Sulagna's last predictions for the future involved the Olympics. This year, movies nominated for Oscars include stories about slavery, conmen, excess, nuns, outer space, and Siri. It’s always a pleasant surprise when movies that were nominated for Oscars include such rare things as people who weren’t straight, white, or men, or even all three (unlike most of the Oscar voters.) Alfonso Cuarón may be the first Latin American director to win Best Director this…
If you’ve read or watched any of the coverage of Shirley Temple’s death in the last two weeks, you’ve probably seen a mention of Bill “Bojangles” Robinson, the dazzling tap dancer who co-starred with Temple in some of her most memorable films. Temple probably had no idea at the time, but her dance routines with “Uncle Billy” were remarkable not only for their seemingly effortless precision and beauty, but also because they managed to shatter…
There were five of us. One was a little embarrassed; she was the only one who really had other friends. One was cheerfully uncomprehending, but happy to be involved with the group’s latest obsession. The rest of us were devoted to whatever short-lived passion struck us at the time. It was December 2001, and The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring had just been released. We weren’t put off by that grandiose,…
Dear Cecilia: I'm delighted that you've decided to work with us on your screenplay, “The Wind Whispered Her Name.” First of all, I think it's a very strong piece. I have some preliminary thoughts, attached here, that will help us move forward. The notes are somewhat negotiable, but my deep experience and industry knowledge will help you sell this script. Page 13: A minor dialogue tweak. When Caroline asks Fran, “how do we get out…
Grizzly Man (Herzog, 2005) A haunting travelogue of one man’s failed attempt to bridge the unbridgeable gap between nature and civilization ending in tooth-and-nail tragedy, but you’ll also laugh your head off every time Werner Herzog pronounces the word “bear” or “murder.” Batman & Robin (Schumacher, 1997) Yes, Robin is played by the world’s oldest “Boy Wonder,” Alicia Silverstone should’ve dyed her hair red, Arnold’s ice puns aren’t very… cool, Bat nipples, etc. If it…
Previously in Mallory Goes To The Movies: Things that actually happened in Vampire Academy. Michael Ealy looks like someone started to cast a handsomeifying spell on Skeletor from He-Man but got interrupted halfway through. Michael Ealy looks like a small witch has burrowed inside of his man's skull and every day carefully and delicately rearranges a single one of his face bones. Halfway through the movie, my friend leaned over…
Emily L. Stephens previously improved your Christmas movie choices and told you how to do a The Shining viewing party right. St. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to express our most intense or obscure passions. But words can be a frail tool to capture the complications and complexities of this thing we call love: the sweet blush of infatuation, the kinship and kindness of true companions, the frenzy of unfettered lust, the torments…
Emily L. Stephens last graced The Toast with Alternative Christmas Movies. It’s February. The winter holidays are long over, the lights are coming down, and the dark is creeping in. It’s time to invite some friends over for a night of bright, lighthearted fun – quick, before the metaphorical winter closes in around you and snows you into the labyrinthian hotel of your heart. Enter The Shining, Stephen King and Stanley Kubrick’s notorious tale…
The real question posed by Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma! is this:
Would Ado Annie and Laurey's problems be solved if they just set themselves up as spinsters in a romantic friendship on Laurey's farm and dumped Jud, Curly, Will and Ali on a wagon bound for California? (All Most of the problems!)
Previously: I, Frankenstein. 11. There's an actual scene where two actual characters say "What if it's so obvious [these two characters are the villains] that it's not obvious at all?" 10. The titular academic vampires regularly attend vampire church. Vampire church. THEY GO TO VAMPIRE CHURCH ON SUNDAY NIGHTS. They are literally attending MIDNIGHT SABBATS, which is like the canonical, medieval definition of satanic but it's supposed to be a good thing. I -- look, I don't…
Seven films inspired by categories from the greatest gift of the internet: The Atlantic's gonzo Netflix generator.
1. Lesbian Detective Opposites-Attract Post-Apocalyptic Mysteries Set In The Victorian Era
Harpsichord and Cass: Wolf-Slayers, Crime-Fighters, Ladies of Leisure
PG, 1hr38m
After the telegrams stop coming from the Big City, and Aunt Marthe is taken away, Cassiopeia Twothorn and her erstwhile governess Miss Harpsichord are left to fend for themselves. But who (or
