Posts tagged “sports day”

  1. "I imagine I scared both men and women both with the intensity of my workouts, but more likely with the determined look of self-loathing on my face. But today, a year and a bit later, I can proudly say that I've never been happier with my body or my life. The reason for this? Well, first of all, a shitload of therapy. Everyone should go to therapy! But secondly, and something that absolutely cannot be…

    16 comments
  2. 1. Bernie Kosar and the Broncos rivalry (1985-90)

    The year I was born, Cleveland played against Denver in the 1987 AFC Championship game. My father and his childhood best friends, boys who had grown up slinking down to the banks of Lake Erie with their jacket pockets full of clinking Little Kings, congregated to watch The Game. One of their party was living abroad in China at the time, so they set up a

    17 comments
  3. As a teenager and young adult, I often wondered if my family had a way of communicating on a soul-level through sports that I didn’t understand. Granted, it wasn’t entirely my family’s fault. They tried. I hadn’t followed my grandmother’s advice to read the entire sports page in the paper every morning, especially Jim Murray’s column, and I didn’t take sports very seriously. I just didn’t seem to care the way that they did. I…

    11 comments
  4. Title IX was only the beginning. Title X is upon us, and its terrifying and glorious reign shall last ten thousand years. The student captains of all major high school sports teams will be required to have gay sex with one another at least twice a year: once at homecoming, then again immediately after prom. Water polo players must begin each game with tender, vulnerable hugs lasting no less than forty seconds. Little girls…

    41 comments
  5. If I were built, I'd own guns. I'd be a hunter. I'd own a partially wooded acreage in the country. The woods would be full of animals and I'd shoot them, I'd shoot those animals with my guns for pleasure. Deer, raccoon, owl—you name it. I'd shoot anything that moved on my partially wooded acreage. If I were built, my partially wooded acreage would be a place of great tranquility. The woods would be a…

    15 comments
  6. My mother will cheat to beat me at checkers. My father and uncles never let me take an uncontested lay-up. My grandfather once asked me to stay in the clubhouse so the rest of the men in the family would have a better chance of winning the father-son tournament. I come from a competitive family. You’d think that this would be my favorite time of year. On any given night, I can watch a half-dozen…

    26 comments
  7. Let’s get the obvious objections out of the way. Cheerleading involves the following egregiously offensive activities: - Girls cheering for (mostly) boys - Girls wearing short skirts that submit them to the male gaze - Girls in said short skirts in front of large audiences - Girls wearing outfits that are gender normative I mean that’s really it, right? I realize those are big categories, encompassing all sorts of entrenched gender dynamics that, upon analysis,…

    77 comments
  8. Baseball

    I'm not great at being a baseball fan. I was really, really good at it when I was a kid. As people who were fans of the Montreal Expos go (and there were dozens of us! dozens!), I had pretty unimpeachable credentials: I said individual prayers for the best players, I had a lot of cheap merchandise, we watched every single game on the French channel (the English language sports channel usually didn't bother, and…

    34 comments
  9. Oh, I am the wrong person to be talking to all of you about this, but here we are. Tomorrow is yet another themed day for us here at The Toast, for we live in exciting and themed times. The theme will be sports. [pauses for response] We will have writing about football and cheerleading and golf and baseball from some tremendously lovely writers. There are more sports than that, one supposes, but we have…

    71 comments