Author Archive

Meet Nicole

The Toast has acquired another Nicole as part of our long-term plan to absorb every woman with that name in the next five years. Please give the warmest, Toastiest welcome you can muster to Nicole Soojung Callahan! She's ours now, and we are hers. ...Read More

Songs I Bet New York Times Columnists Sing To Themselves When They Are Alone

Ross Douthat: Iggy Azalea, "Fancy" who dat who dat Ross Douthat Douthat Maureen Dowd: Bon Jovi, "It's My Life" I don't wanna be another face in the crowd gonna hear my voice when I shout Maureen Dowd it's my life ...Read More

As A Father Of Daughters, I Think We Should Treat All Women Like My Daughters

Listen, as a father of daughters, I'm really against this kind of behavior, this kind of treatment of women. The kind where they get hurt or they can't vote or we don't give any money to them. You know the kind I'm talking about. The kind I don't want my daughters to ...Read More

A List Of One’s Own

For no real reason, and in no particular order, here are some people doing worthwhile and interesting things in [waves arms expansively] the media. They all have something in common. I can't quite put my finger on it. Shani Hilton, Buzzfeed Shani ...Read More

Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and The Order of Psycho-epistemology

Previously in this series (yeah, we’re doing all seven): Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. “You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!" Ron looked nervously at Harry. Harry betrayed nothing. You can be a wizard, Ron remembered, and you can be a man; it is good to be ...Read More

Body Swap Methods In Movies, Ranked In Order Of Plausibility From Greatest To Least

"brain transplant" "CIA experiment" "mind-swapping machine" "mind-swapping technology" "pressing the button on a computer in Heaven" "body switching machine" "mind-swapping helmets" "wish from magic stone" "wizard's spell" "magic potion" "kids cast voodoo spell" ...Read More

Unsatisfied Women In Western Art History

cleopatra babe what is it what's wrong nothing are there not enough leopard skins i mean if you call just two enough cleopatra3 and here is your royal chair no furs on it i see just linens and gold that's fine, that's fine is that a ...Read More

How To Become An Undetected Serial Killer

1. It has to be a stranger. It has to be. This is no time for settling old scores. This cannot be traced back to you in any way. You can't see them during your daily routine; you can't have mutual friends; you can't live in the same county. You cannot research them ...Read More