Author Archive

Tips From My Forthcoming Medieval Lifestyle Blog

Previously: Lift like a serf, eat like a baron - My Medieval Diet Plan 9 Quick And Easy Dinners That Involve Sewing The Top Half Of A Pig Onto The Bottom Half Of A Peacock [Slideshow] Fish: Is It Meat? How To Cook Literally Anything With Buckwheat Groats Because That's The Only Thing You'll ...Read More

The Toast’s Anniversary Party Is Tonight

The Toast is throwing a one-year anniversary party tonight, and you're all invited. Are you coming? I hope you're coming. ...Read More

The Judgement of Paris

The Judgement of Paris, as I assume you are aware, is one of the most popular and also the best themes in classical European painting, because it's based on a legend where three supremely powerful goddesses asked a worthless male mortal to rank them in order of attractiveness in order to win a ...Read More

Modern Classics Without The Modernism

"Well, here we are, at the lighthouse." It had been a wonderful day, walking to the lighthouse. - “To The Lighthouse,” Virginia Woolf "Don't feel bad," his father said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Things fall apart sometimes. We'll just buy a new one." They did, and then everything was fine. - "Things Fall ...Read More

“Like I’d never be able to catch up”: Going To The Wrong School And Taking Any Job You Can

"If you need a job and someone offers you a job, take the job. Working is better than not-working." ...Read More

I Told You The Purge II: Anarchy Was Going To Be Better Than The Purge And History Has Vindicated Me

Previously in Mallory Reviews Movies: Things That Actually Happened In The Movie Vampire Academy, A Movie That Is About An Academy For Vampires and Class Is 1000% Percent Better Than The Graduate And You Should Watch It Instead. Of course The Purge II: Anarchy was going to be better than The ...Read More

Two Monks Invent Biblical Art

Previously in this series: Two Monks Invent the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. fireAh, gentlemen. I see we're all here and on fire in time for the meeting. Shall we begin? MONK #1: hey what does it look like when two people who love one another ...Read More

Femslash Friday: Mean Girls’ Layers Upon Lesbian Layers

Previously on Femslash Friday: The Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Mean Girls is the film equivalent of the hyper-closeted girl who let you make out with her in between boyfriends but snubbed you in the hallways in high school. She's not gay, you're gay, and sometimes you happen to be gay inside of her mouth, which isn't really ...Read More