I would like to take this opportunity to apologize if you were offended by my recent behavior. Sadly, there is no way to determine whether you have in fact been offended at this time, as the science just isn't there yet. We may never know if you were offended or not -- in fact, can it truly be said that we can ever know anything?
INT. DAY. A bucolic college campus; a book-strewn corner office. Two MALE PROFESSORS, HANK and SMITTY, have their feet up on their respective desks at the end of a long day. Their faces are haggard and drawn. Even their elbow patches look tired. HANK sighs.
Well, the holidays are at last upon us, as "upon us" is a holiday's favorite place to sprawl, and that means one thing: making sure that you get enough to eat at holiday parties. There's nothing worse than waking up in January and realizing you've practiced careful moderation in the face of temptation, also watching that waistline, and cravings, and jeans that fit: food is everywhere.
Hugh. George. Matthew. Johnny. Ryan. Bradley. Channing. Pierce. Ben. Brad. He kept these names always at the forefront of his mind, naming each one at the pace of his breath and his feet. For as long as he could remember, he had been running.
The question has always been, for this series, "How long do I wait before I give them the Blazing Saddles/Clue scenes I know everyone's really here for?" And I think you've waited long enough, and been good.
I have long regretted that one of my first lesbian-antennae moments wasn't the result of a better movie. It was the scene where Andrea cuts her hair off to disguise herself as a boy in Motocrossed, a Disney Channel Original movie that ran continuously during the summer of 2001 that I saw, conservatively, four hundred times.
Long-time readers will remember that both Nicole and self have a deep, abiding, uncritical love for Deep Springs College, the bonkers, hyper-isolated, working cattle ranch slash all-male two-year university in Eastern California.
I found this article about why we'll probably never be able to escape earth in a fleet of chrome-y, salvific starships to be beautifully written and surprisingly moving! Won't you join me in the reading of it?
GENERAL: Conan! What is best in life? CONAN: Never getting yelled at, even once! Never getting yelled at, even if it means never speaking to someone again, or stifling your own feelings, as long as it means that getting yelled at literally never happens. GENERAL: That is good! That is good.
Fell asleep while it was still light out, woke up while it was still light out: You are an effortlessly perfect person. You do things like read in magazines that it's optimally healthy to drink a small cup of coffee right before taking a fifteen-minute nap, decide to start doing this, and then actually start doing this.