Author Archive

A Bit Of Fry And Laurie Friday: Emma Thompson Is So Very Afraid

This one isn’t a strictly Fry-and-Laurie entry; it’s from the 1982 Cambridge Footlights Revue, but it has Emma Thompson and Stephen Fry trying to out-U one another, and that is a rare gift and a shining jewel.

“My darling, you’re looking pale.”

“I am pale.”

“Oh, my darling, don’t say that, don’t even think it.”

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A Glossary of U- and Non-U Speech

Pretty much the best part about England is that they have divided their vocabulary up into U- and non-U aspects of speech, with the net result being that pretty much whatever word you choose to employ in a given situation, you sound like a grasping middle-class grasper and people talk about your graspiness in horrified tones the moment you leave the room. There’s a wrong way to refer to the bathroom over there! Imagine that. Asking to use the bathroom, and in the meanwhile exposing yourself as a grasping piece of garbage whose parents live in an apartment. What a country!

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Signs You’re About To Write A Dear Prudence Letter

You have been going on monthlong cruises with your least favorite friend every fall for the last eighteen years – but this is the year your mother has decided to stop paying for it. Which of her cousins should you disinvite to your wedding?

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Dirtbag Milton

hello there
Miss Davis, is it
allow me to tell you –
please do not speak to me like that, sir
I can see your wedding ring

oh, this?
no, no, no
you’ve got the wrong idea
I mean, yes, I’m married
but I’ve already written four books about how the Church should let me leave my wife
I see
one of them is called THE ROD OF PUNISHMENT
you know
this ring doesn’t really count
on account of how much I hate being married to her

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P.G. Wodehouse On The Dangers Of Literature

I had got as far as this in thinking the thing out when that “Types of Ethical Theory” caught my eye. I opened it, and I give you my honest word this was what hit me:

Of the two antithetic terms in the Greek philosophy one only was real and self-subsisting; and that one was Ideal Thought as opposed to that which it has to penetrate and mould. The other, corresponding to our Nature, was in itself phenomenal, unreal, without any permanent footing, having no predicates that held true for two moments together, in short, redeemed from negation only by including indwelling realities appearing through.

Well – I mean to say – what? And Nietzsche, from all accounts, a lot worse than that!


Rodney Spelvin was in for another attack of poetry…He had once been a poet, and a very virulent one, too; the sort of man who would produce a slim volume of verse bound in squash mauve leather at the drop of a hat, mostly on the subject of sunsets and pixies.

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Bible Verses Where The Word “Tithe” Has Been Replaced With “Ass, Grass, Or Cash – Nobody Rides For Free”

Genesis 14:17-21

And the king of Sodom went out to meet him at the Valley of Shaveh (which is the King’s Dale) after his return from the slaughter of Chedorlaomer and of the kings who were with him.

And Melchizedek king of Salem brought forth bread and wine; and he was the priest of the Most High God. And he blessed him and said, “Blessed be Abram of the Most High God, possessor of heaven and earth; and blessed be the Most High God, who hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand.” And he gave him from among his many holdings of ass, grass, and cash, for he did not seek to ride with the Lord of Hosts for free.

And the king of Sodom said unto Abram, “Give me the persons, and take the goods for thyself.”

Leviticus 27:32

And concerning the gift of the herd or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, be it ass, grass, or cash, a tenth shall be holy unto the Lord, with whom no man hath ridden for free.

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Letters Home From General George McClellan

Dear Nelly,

A busy day here on the river – I woke before Lincoln himself and was in the saddle until about midnight tomorrow – rode over the entire regiment on both sides of the river, was soundly drowned in a torrential rain, and have been busy ever since my return.

Things are improving daily – I personally beheaded Brigadier General E. Kirby Smith before breakfast this morning, and he thanked me politely for doing it, as a gentleman ought – I hope to have another 144 field guns and some 70 rgts of infantry before the week is out.

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Don’t Stand So Close To Me: People Ignoring Personal Boundaries In Western Art History


haha ok
great, great touching and kissing
so just on the count of three we’ll both push away a little bit and stand separately for a minute, okay?
haha okay one more kiss okay but now we’re really going to do it
here we go


ahhh you are both
so close to just shaking hands
which i am super happy to do
instead of face-petting and pointing at me
but this is good too
the petting and the pointing
it’s all part of saying hello

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