Animals

  1. I didn’t know I needed a service dog, but I did.

    54 comments
  2. You're a NIGHT-RAT-BOY the size of ONE POINT FIVE CATS, you have mistooken up entirely the size your species is supposed to be, and your head is too much a circle at the back end and a point at the front part, like a drawing of an ice cream cone in a clown's hand. I don't care for that. Be a cat or be a rat but don't be one of both.

    546 comments
  3. Too many people want you to dismiss a raccoon's deal of "Oh they're mischievous cat-dogs with friendly washed hands and a jewel-thief face" when it's really an ALL-HANDS NO-FEET TRASH-CAT WITH A DOG'S STOMACH AND A POSSUM'S HEART. It can put itself up in trees but it waddles on the ground, I can't be in trustment of a beast that clambers and waddles both; either be graceful and lithe all of times, or be clumsy…

    433 comments
  4. Cut off my entire arm and face
    Move
    Throw myself into the whole sun
    Excommunicate myself from every church and religion any ancestor of mine has ever joined

    407 comments
  5. You're gonna see a lot of birds in your life, my mens- and my womensfolk, and you have got to be prepared at any minute to look at em. Do I wish it weren't that way? Heck yes I do. It's not fair that we have to be on the lookout 100% of our days for skymouths, feather nuggets, reverse dogs, angel centaurs, whatever you want to call them, "air skunks." The sky needs to…

    218 comments
  6. "With so many brothers and sisters, a piglet can be pushed out into the cold. This is dangerous for a piglet. Luckily, farmer Richard Johnson has a pig bath."

    And here you are - the piglet which is also yourself - and you're cold, and you've been pushed away from what is naturally yours, what is your birthright, and you cannot get to what you want, and here you are in the cold.

    58 comments
  7. "A tiny, resourceful creature that lived 430 million years ago devised a novel method for such baby tracking: It tethered egg pouches to its back with threads and trailed its juveniles as they grew, as if they were tiny kites."

    49 comments
  8. As Friend of the Toast Ben G. put it, "It's like when you see a very old man wearing a skintight Abercrombie and Fitch hoodie. The contrast is really something else."

    85 comments
  9. "Did he lose it? Did he lose it? Right now?" Here is a video of a moose losing an antler. He shook his head, and off it came. (Do not watch it with the sound on. The jaunty music will fool you.)

    112 comments
  10. From Theodore Roosevelt’s Letters to His Children:

    12. PRESIDENTIAL NURSE FOR GUINEA PIGS
    (To Mrs. Elizabeth Stuart Phelps Ward)

    White House, Oct. 20, 1902.

    At this moment, my small daughter being out, I am acting as nurse to two wee guinea pigs.

    63 comments
  11. Sansa has many best friends but I will be the bestest.

    32 comments
  12. 1. GOD IS A SMALL DOG THAT DIES EVERY NINE TO TWELVE YEARS, USUALLY DUE TO HEART VALVE PROBLEMS
    GOD LOVES YOU VERY MUCH BUT UNFORTUNATELY ISN'T VERY EFFECTIVE

    GOD IS DIMLY AWARE OF YOUR PARTICULAR PROBLEMS AND HOPES TO GET TO THEM BUT IS ALSO HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WHEEZING PARTICULARLY AFTER STRAINING AT THE LEASH ON WALKS, SO GOD'S TRYING TO FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME

    89 comments
  13. "squar squar squar squar squarl"

    "huh-HUNFH"

    "sclef sclef sclef cakkhah"

    "scleeehhh"

    124 comments
  14. Tell me your favorite animal stories, please.

    285 comments
  15. good good good

    48 comments