1. I'm sorry I forgot to meet any poor people--
    I'm sorry I forgot to pay attention
    To the bad kind of masculinity
    That doesn't result in wealth.
    Please join me as I experience self-abasement and other intriguing feelings.
    Watch as conservatism’s ugliest turn yet makes me rethink my column.

  2. This post is NSFW, bc there are pictures from old copies of Playboy in here. Nips galore.

  3. "I'll count the hours that you're away. Not on the lips. I'm going to that party at Nina's later, I don't want to smear my lipstick."

  4. If John Boyega were your boyfriend, you would have a “Sunday Best” section of your wardrobe, which you would actually wear to Sunday dinner.

  5. Like toddlers in a damp sandbox, people have been experimenting with what they can put on their faces from day one. Sometimes this works, like with carmine, a red pigment that’s made from crushed cochineal beetles that is still used today. Other times, it is less successful, like with radium, which makes your face glow up until the point where it melts off.

  6. To suppose that the infected could so rapidly marshal their body’s resources in the service of tentacles with no obvious, immediate utility? This seems without logic.

  7. I can get a little giddy reflecting on all the times I have taken the opportunity
    To explain things with history.
    But today I must soberly discuss how unfortunate
    It is that Trump’s popularity brings to the fore just how many men present
    Their misogyny in a way reflects how grossly uneducated
    They are.

  8. Balloons

    Hold a balloon. Don't think about how you are one year closer to death. Keep holding the balloon. Eyes on that balloon. Let go of the balloon. Watch it disappear slowly, rising like a soul into the abyss -- as you never will, because you are an atheist.

  9. Written on the painting was a single word. That word was: "John Lennon I have been sent from the future and you must break up the Beatles to prevent the formation of a computer which will murder us all."

  10. Yes, it may not feel like that long ago, but the 1980s now count as history, so we’re taking a leap back of about 35 years, meaning that a whole bunch of people reading this just reared back and went, “Oh my god, it was THAT long ago? I am old, oh god, I am old and I need wine.”

  11. "The Toast turned into a slow-motion love letter to Misty Copeland so gradually, I hardly even noticed."

  12. The pocket of my own shirt, where I would be small and safe and warm and protected from wind and dust
    The inside of a big blue chair, like the meat insides, where all the stuffing and insulation lives
    Exactly on the place of any furniture where a small dog was just asleep on it so it's still warm and he's coming back any minute

  13. I'm not normally a minimalist enthusiast, but I am all about watching this three-minute video of a small aroma diffuser at work. Yeah, it's just – the full three minutes are just quiet aroma diffusing. And the music kind of sounds like the song that's playing in the Chamber of Sages in Ocarina of Time, which I am extremely for.

  14. I tried to fishtail braid my hair the other day and oh boy, what is this nonsense??