Posts tagged “moms”

  1. My mom and I share a birthday. She always desperately tried not to pay homage to her age, and so for most of our life, it was my birthday, and my birthday alone: my presents, my friends, my party, and my crying if I wanted to. As the pageantry of a birthday gradually lost its shine, I began to shirk the responsibility of the day as well, my mom and I tossing it between us…

  2. So you have a closet full of these-weren’t-supposed-to-be-crop-tops and I-can-sleep-in-this-I-guess commemorative t-shirts from trips you weren’t invited on. My mom did, too. I was recruited to help her sift through clothing during a recent visit home, and we emerged with three garbage bags full of sundry goodies for the Salvation Army. As we worked, we came up with a list of songs to help us cover that crucial distance from discerning to ruthless. These are guaranteed…

  3. Thomas Lawrence's previous work for The Toast can be found here.

  4. Last year, my mother planned a trip to Greece. She had the tickets, the tour, the hotels. Everything booked. She was scheduled to fly in September. In May, she found a rough bump the size of a split pea near her anus and scheduled a biopsy. The biopsy was easy, no more than ten minutes. The split pea was cancer. My mother does not like this cancer. But here are some things that she does…

  5. “Local Mom Says ‘Try Apples Instead’”
    --The Dawson Dispatch on Dolores Huerta’s leadership of the Delano Grape Strike, September 8, 1965


    “Local Mom has a Passion for Acting”
    --The Summit Record on Meryl Streep’s 18th Oscar nomination, January 19, 2011


    “Local Mom Voted National Mom.”
    --The South Chicago Bulletin on Michelle Obama becoming the first African-American First Lady, November 10, 2008

  6. Editorial Note: I love women and I want you to live. I personally think that good hospitals are the best place to deliver babies (and that the onus is on hospitals to be better places to give birth, a lot of these women are coming off really shitty hospital experiences), but if you do decide to give birth at home, which is 100% your choice, please hire a skilled attendant. In the US, that's…

  7. About nine months ago, as it became obvious that I was With Child to even the most absent-minded professors in my engineering research center, I had the following conversation about two or three times a day: Nervous Graduate Student: So, um, when are you going out on maternity leave? (I wrangle all of the ~50 graduate students ‘round these parts.) Me: Well, my due date is March 7th, but since [university name redacted] doesn’t have…

  8. Previously: The Ur-Dad story.

  9. If your Dead Mother was not already Dead, no doubt your theatrics would kill her. That was your Dead Mother’s favorite horse. It trampled her to death when it became jealous of her attentions to other creatures. Anyway, it’s yours now. You do not resemble your Dead Mother in the slightest, except for your eyes. Your damned, cursed, pale eyes. Your Dead Mother’s feet were so small, she wept bitterly every time she danced. It…

  10. Because I didn’t have anything else to do, I went to the gym every day. This was in middle school and early high school: I was homeschooled, and going to the gym felt social. All those people in the weight room! All those people on the stationary bikes! Gym classes presented an even more salient form of social contact: structurally, it was built into the wiping down of yoga mats, the anguished eye

  11. "You and Kim will end up in your own ‘Grey Gardens’ one day,” a friend’s boyfriend whispered to me at a party a few years ago. The “Kim” in question was, of course, my mother. At the time, I hadn’t watched the famed Maysles brothers documentary, but I was familiar with the gist of it: a mother and daughter, both single and unemployed, live together in a microcosm of their own at an eccentric estate,…

  12. As a Person With Child[ren] who is, for some reason, often the only person with child[ren] you know, I am frequently asked "are there sites/forums for moms or soon-to-be moms that aren't total garbage?" "No," I usually say. "They are all garbage." (Sidebar: there are many, many wonderful writers who are moms who write about being moms, and conversations about parenting are valid and deserve space in the public discourse, share your favourites in the…

  13. I do not often find myself swarming with conflicted emotions; like Tinkerbell I feel things so intensely I am capable of holding no more than one emotion at a time. One and a half puts me at capacity, and I am liable to begin leaking transmission fluid.

  14. For the purposes of this exhaustive guide to all things “Mom wine,” here are the two rules of what constitutes a Mom wine: One 750mL bottle can cost no more than $15. There are no exceptions. Mom wine varieties include: Pinot Noir, Merlot, Syrah, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon,  Chardonnay, Riesling, Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc. While your mom did kill that bottle of Korbel sparkling wine left over from your cousin’s engagement party before leaving a voicemail…