Western Art History

  1. CAST ASIDE YOUR WIG-HAIRS AND CUFF-CANES, GENTLEMEN, AND ASSEMBLE UP FOR ME THIS PUDDLE OF DOG-RIBBONS POSTE OF HASTEWARDLY

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  2. Previously: The many abductions of Ganymede.

    Right-ho, so the abduction of Andromeda was a majorly popular artistic motif during the early modern era for reasons of "babes in chains are fun to draw," but there's a really wonderful sliding scale of what Perseus' rescue looked like.

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  3. It was not until I found the "Waves in art" and "Paintings of nude females in the sea" categories on Wikimedia Commons that I realized how big a part of art was just women seeming sexually aroused by the ocean? Not even mermaids, it's a whole different thing.

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  4. the dance begins rend your hair shed your tears stamp your angry chicken feet ah, sisters are you happy? yes, dreadfully happy then we're all happy…

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  5. haha ok great, great touching and kissing so just on the count of three we'll both push away a little bit and stand separately for a minute, okay? haha okay one more kiss okay but now we're really going to do it okay? here we go one two ahhh you are both so close to just shaking hands which i am super happy to do instead of face-petting and pointing at…

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  6. i'm as upright as i want to be i also want to be this much standing up, alone we're both happy with this situation hooray i'm alone and touching nothing but gold…

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  7. we don't have to be always so much of touching we could just touch one hand, or none, for a while touching's fun but you know what else is fun? not touching babe you are SUCH a good kisser it's like i don't even have to give you any kissing tips but i wonder, just from being curious what kissing would be like if you weren't holding my entire throat like…

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  8. The tambourine is a percussive instrument with a wooden casing, animal-skin drumhead, and a number of small metal zils. Within its circular frame, it contains an ocean of suffering. No one who has ever held a tambourine has known joy. It is known colloquially among its players as "The Pain Hoop." It is a well-known saying among the mothers of France that it is "better to watch your child die than let her hold a…

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  9. ah, Achilles, you must be careful against the wrath of the sons of Priam NEVER THEY WHO HAVE SLAIN PATROCLUS WILL DIE AT THE HANDS OF A NAKED MAN NAKED IS MY SWORD, MY GRIEF, AND MY BODY at least wear a helmet VERY WELL BUT NOTHING ELSE but if they shoot at anyplace on your body besides your head – THEN THEY SHALL BE SHOOTING AT A NAKED AVENGING SPIRIT…

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  10. We've talked a bit about the "Power of Women" motif popular in Renaissance-era European art before. It was a glorious time for art, when every neoclassicist Lowlander worth his salt painted women riding classical scholars like ponies and legendary heroes forced to wear beautiful pink dresses. And one of the more popular scenarios under the "Power of Women" umbrella was that of King Solomon being led into idolatry by his wives. You are, I…

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  11. Every Mannerist worth his weight in papal commissions loves painting Mary Magdalene. Wake up, paint Mary Magdalene, repeat, that was the artist's watchword of the Renaissance. And it's not a Mary Magdalene painting if she's not half-dressed and brimming with repentance. If there was one thing Mary Magdalene loved, it was repenting. Wake up, repent of something, repeat, that was her watchword, presumably, if centuries-later paintings are anything to go by. In the Gospels themselves,…

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  12. Diana!!! Goddess of chastity and the hunt! You're never going to find a boyfriend if you keep taking long, luxurious baths with all your female friends like this! Get it together! Diana, how are you going to get a boyfriend if you keep turning all the men who see you into stags and then murder them with arrows?? That is NOT an approved method for keeping your man, Diana!! Diana,…

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  13. no I'll definitely read it okay but let me just give it to you now and then you can read it right away and we can talk about the next time I see you ahh thank you you actually didn't take it though I don't have anywhere to put it right now, sorry!! okay I'll just come over to your room and bring it by later and I can watch you read it…

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  14. baby i love you but reading is not a group activity OH, GOOD ANOTHER DIRGE wonderful news, Tess this gentleman is here to describe our own globe to us…

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