Humor

  1. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize if you were offended by my recent behavior. Sadly, there is no way to determine whether you have in fact been offended at this time, as the science just isn't there yet. We may never know if you were offended or not -- in fact, can it truly be said that we can ever know anything?

    26 comments
  2. INT. DAY. A bucolic college campus; a book-strewn corner office. Two MALE PROFESSORS, HANK and SMITTY, have their feet up on their respective desks at the end of a long day. Their faces are haggard and drawn. Even their elbow patches look tired. HANK sighs.

    114 comments
  3. You are fourth- or fifth-billed in the credits but have so far contributed almost nothing to the A- and B-storylines.

    In episode 2, you had a throwaway line about a beautiful member of the opposite sex not being your "type," a line that has now taken on a strange significance.

    You are a younger brother who stands to inherit nothing.

    147 comments
  4. BABY JENNY HOLZER: [spits up]
    MAN: Oh, baby Jenny Holzer, what a mess
    BABY JENNY HOLZER: SPIT ALL OVER SOMEONE WITH A MOUTHFUL OF MILK IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITY FAST

    16 comments
  5. Hey Mommies!

    As most of you know, Peyton Jayne is turning 1 in a month! We're going to be hosting a birthday party at The Central Park Boat House and would love to invite you, your hubbies, and your little ones to join in on the fun.

    174 comments
  6. Fell asleep while it was still light out, woke up while it was still light out: You are an effortlessly perfect person. You do things like read in magazines that it's optimally healthy to drink a small cup of coffee right before taking a fifteen-minute nap, decide to start doing this, and then actually start doing this.

    175 comments
  7. Suffering from technological ignorance, indecision, or insouciance? Why don't you ... ask Diana Vreeland all of your fascinating technology questions?

    31 comments
  8. That one chapter would be a lot better if you included that obscure quote from Virginia Woolf that you don’t quite remember. Re-read all of Virginia Woolf’s diaries.

    Netflix.

    Have you called your mother recently? Now would be a good time to properly consider doing that, and then to also not do that.

    139 comments
  9. Ask about his passions, hobbies, and interests! Learn his weaknesses. Exploit his fears.

    25 comments
  10. You’re probably wondering how I got this body working in accounting, right? It’s a very common question, no need to be embarrassed.

    Let me tell you about my standing desk.

    153 comments
  11. Is blue light from your smartphone, tablet, laptop, and other electronic devices keeping you from sleeping at night? No, it's not. We checked. We're science, and we looked into it.

    65 comments
  12. Asking a heterosexual man to change his entire name--first, middle, and last--after marriage can feel risky. He may cling to the name his parents carefully selected for him at birth. Maybe he’s named for Grandpa Blazegrits or Uncle Orhan; maybe he’s even a II or a III. These days he may expect no change, a hyphenation, a portmanteau, or--in some cases--to change his LAST name to yours.

    122 comments
  13. It sounds like you're wearing the wrong bra size.

    Did you know that 400% of American women are wearing the wrong bra size?

    375 comments
  14. Just a bowl of jam with some bread crusts tossed in
    Sponge cake (sponge flavored) with four raisins on it
    Honestly I think just a grapefruit-flavored soup with pistachios and rose petals on top for some reason?
    Cake with two colors but no flavors

    628 comments