1. I’m ‘a get a scholarship to puppy obedience classes
    I prob’ly shouldn’t brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish
    The problem is I got a lot of fur but no polish
    I gotta bark just to be heard
    With every yip, I drop knowledge!

  2. This weekend I asked everyone to send me their best stories about dads and music. I hope very much this brings joy to you.

  3. “All Of My Feelings About The USA Are Uncomplicated And Positive”

    “I Have No Need To Refer To The Holy Spirit When Having Sex, Not Even A Little Bit”

  4. Do you know, I'm not much good at all at writing about music, but I love Brianna Lea Pruett's work enormously, and I can't stop listening to "New Life" this week.

  5. You are familiar with "Sumer Is Icumen In," if nowhere else, as the song the murderous villagers sing at the end of the original Wicker Man.

  6. Cool for the Summer, she had said. And they – we – were. But all things die, even Summer, and nothing is cool now.

    Let me tell you my story.

  7. The first Republican Presidential debate for the 2016 presidential campaign aired while Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton, a musical about the life of Alexander Hamilton, celebrated its opening night on Broadway. While Bobby Jindal declared that “immigration without assimilation is invasion,” an opening night audience watched a musical about the Founding Fathers that rests on an ideal explicitly stated in the first act: "Immigrants / We get the job done." Hamilton opens with the same lines that…

  8. You may have noticed that I am completely and utterly obsessed with Lin-Manuel Miranda's basically perfect musical, Hamilton, the cast album for which you can either buy or stream in full here (I recommend buying it, obviously, but you can also get it for free if you have Amazon Prime.) I have been listening to said album NON-STOP (that is also the name of a song), and one of the greatest pleasures of this has…

  9. God, that's an awful, awful name. I'm going to have to find a better series title. Anyhow, here is one of the many flawless songs from Dewey Cox, it is a note-perfect imitation of Brian Wilson's "Smile," which I have never listened to, but that's what everyone keeps telling me it is, and I love it, so.

  10. Riane Konc's previous work for The Toast can be found here.

    “Maroon Is An Adjective, So I’m Not Going To Use It Like A Verb, Not Once”

    “You Know What I’ve Got Some Thoughts About? The Southwest”

    “Let’s All Just Camp Out Around Middle C Where None Of Our Voices Feel Strained”

    “Almost Nothing Reminds Me Of My Failed Relationship, Including Those Crows”

  11. Previously: WOW 2000. I don't know if I'll ever quite get over the style evolution DC Talk went through in the relatively brief period between 1989 and 1995. In six years they went through more musical eras than most bands do in their entire careers - from golden-age-style hip-hop to rap-rock to grunge. For a secular analogy, try imagining a world where Nirvana released Nevermind, Appetite For Destruction, and Black Sunday, all before Bill…

  12. Previously in this series: Songs from a Bruce Springsteen Album in Which No One Exorcises Their Personal Demons or Takes the New Jersey Turnpike "I Couldn't Be Your Friend Because No One Does That After a Breakup" "My Therapist Says That Seeing You 10-12 Times A Day Is Not The Best Idea And Yours Agrees" "I Want Your Lungs To Function Quite Normally (They Are Also Man Lungs)" "Walking With a Corporeal Human Being…

  13. Previously by Lindsay King-Miller: If Carrie Brownstein Were Your Girlfriend “Teenage Girl Making Empowered, Thoughtful Choices About My Sex Life” “The Woman Who Didn’t Think Very Much About Food” “People Like You Have Consensual Sex With People Like Me Because Our Relationship Is Based On Mutual Desire And Healthy Communication” “(Car Pooling To Yoga Class On The) Pacific Coast Highway” “Jennifer’s Body Does Not Determine Her Value As a Woman” “Plump (Tomatoes From My…

  14. I am old, but I am not as old as Marilyn Manson. Not so old that I avoid being called ‘girl’ by strangers, but I am old enough that my adolescence passed graciously undocumented by social media. I am old enough to remember when the Berlin Wall came down, but more so, I remember how it was illustrated in a particularly topical episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks. But mostly, I am old…