Oh my God, Jenny, you're such a mystery
You like money and making out both, which is wild.
Just straight-up nuts. You're asleep, almost as if
you were tired or something. Maybe tired from your lifestyle
of Doing It. Which is your job, Doing It, for money.
I wonder which one you're dreaming about
Fell asleep while it was still light out, woke up while it was still light out: You are an effortlessly perfect person. You do things like read in magazines that it's optimally healthy to drink a small cup of coffee right before taking a fifteen-minute nap, decide to start doing this, and then actually start doing this.
Pretty sick of hearing from science exactly how long a nap should be. Are you coming over to nudge me out of this bed at exactly 4:47 before I cascade into a REM whirlpool, my friends? Because if not kindly do not come crowding around at me with this "twenty minute" business, as that is no good to me at all. Look at this graph. I see this graph everywhere. I don't know where it…
Marissa Maciel's previous work for The Toast can be found here. After I graduated from college, a newly minted, twenty year-old psychology major, I worked at a sleep disorder clinic. The job put me in bedrooms with strangers, people who couldn’t sleep and wanted answers, and I was there to help figure out what was going on. Mostly, these people were here because they snored. When some people snore, their breathing can also slow…
I had my first recurring nightmares in preschool. They involved the witch from Disney’s Snow White waiting to snatch me in my laundry room. Sleep is a major mindfuck for most children. I was convinced I didn’t sleep until I was three because I couldn’t remember it. But I’ve had vivid dreams and bad nights since, at least, then.
okay rule A, don't take off her cloak when she's sleeping rule B, don't touch her hair when she's sleeping i don't care how asleep they are, don't bend over them and stare directly at their vaginas no touching someone's hips just because they're asleep either, that seems like a given…
You're not supposed to take your laptop into bed with you at night, so compromise by bringing a book or a magazine in addition to your laptop this time. At some hazy, ill-defined point, decide you are "done" using your laptop "for the day" and put it away somewhere. Reading at night is so quiet. You used to do this all the time in junior high, reading books in bed until you fell asleep. You can…
In The Book of Nightmares, helplessness must often appear--how terrifying to be aware and immobilized, lying entombed below ground as the earth thuds on your wooden coffin roof, unable to speak or scream. Or to live in the diving bell where the world around you is all ocean and movement, but you cannot join in: shiny slips of fish quicksilvering past as sharks bare sharp teeth jagged as bright coral reefs beside the long undulations…
Official reports have recently confirmed what you have long suspected: that the dim and as-yet-formless shape hovering at the foot of your bed or perhaps just outside your closed (but locked? Did you lock it? Is it locked, or is it unlocked?) window is very real and the only thing keeping it from moving any closer is your constant, wakeful vigilance. Were you to relax this watchfulness even for a moment, the shape would almost…
Scientists on the tail end of a decades-long study have finally concluded that, for most humans, the act of falling asleep is in fact, physically and mentally impossible. "We were hoping to find if certain lifestyle changes corresponded with falling asleep faster," said Dr. Ellen Taccone, the leader of the study and head of the neurology department at Johns Hopkins, "such as avoiding use of laptops or smartphones in bed, drinking less alcohol, increased physical…
As The Toast searches for its one true Gal Scientist, we will be running a ton of wonderful one-off pieces by female scientists of all shapes and sizes and fields and education levels, which we are sure you will enjoy. They’ll live here, so you can always find them. Most recently: How to Build a Galaxy and Fight an Army. Hi, Toast! As a brief instroduction, my own research is focused in the areas of…
