This Classic Toast post originally ran on Mar 11, 2014.
From the year 800 AD to 1450 the entirety of Europe's approach to painting was "It's impossible to know what an animal looks like, just draw a guy's head on it." This is their story.
Previously: two monks invent medieval art. MONK #1: hey how big are most eyes MONK #2: like on the human face? MONK #1: oh yes for sure the eyes people have on their faces MONK #2: oh man at least half the size of the face it's actually crazy how much of your face is just eyes definitely at least half MONK #1: thanks MONK #2: no problem…
MONK #1: what makes a woman beautiful MONK #2: nice eyes
long hair
red lips MONK #1: right definitely MONK #2: you know what's really hot though MONK #1: what MONK #2: women who don't have shoulders MONK #1: what
MONK #1: if I wanted to illustrate the rain of fire that destroyed Sodom
what should I use for my model
visually I mean MONK #2: can can dancers
red legs, blue skirts MONK #1: oh thanks
MONK #1: this is honestly a little embarrassing
but
you know
as a monk
i haven't seen a lot of naked people so i'm not really sure MONK #2: do not be embarrassed even a little
ask away MONK #1: okay well i guess its two questions
one is does...EVERYBODY have faces on their heads? MONK #2: great question
and no
MONK #1: what's inside of a dog MONK #2: hmm? MONK #1: like how would I draw a dog, and what it's made of MONK #2: oh oh gotcha red strings and nothing MONK #1: okay so I know that knights and horses go together like in wartime MONK #2: right MONK #1: but how is that arranged, exactly like how does it look when they go into battle MONK #2: oh…
MONK #1: the saint Mary Magdalene what was she made of, chiefly? MONK #2: hair more hair than woman, they said of her MONK #1: saints in general how do they look? how does one draw them, I mean MONK #2: silver-grey skin like a trout and mummy hands that's the sign of one beloved by God…
MONK #2: i think youre ready to move on to something a little trickier this time reading and writing MONK #1: oh wow MONK #2: the really important thing to remember about writing is that you dont use any words ever just blank pages in careful order MONK #1: oh wow i had no idea MONK #2: i know thats what i'm here for haha MONK #2: same goes for reading…
Previously in this series: Two Monks invent dinner parties. MONK #1: do birds have meetings MONK #2: absolutely they have a Meeting Hat and everything MONK #1: what do they have meetings about MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or-- MONK #2: no that's dogs you're thinking of MONK #1: right right…
Previously in this series: Two monks invent Christian denominations. MONK #1: lets throw a dinner party big feast invite everybody over MONK #2: oh yes for sure lets MONK #1: whats good to eat, what do people like for dinner MONK #2: one single peacock MONK #1: will that be enough do you think MONK #2: well that's what dinner is a single peacock so it better be MONK #1: ok…
MONK #1: all right
you read the Bible
right? MONK #2: right MONK #1: whole thing? MONK #2: A to done MONK #1: okay whatd you get out of it MONK #2: we should touch snakes MONK #1: really?
yeah
touch em up a bunch MONK #1: anything else MONK #2: mm
mostly just the snakes
