Previously: My bestselling YA novel. Some guy came over for terrible, casual sex. We had sex. It was terrible. Afterwards we rolled into fetal positions facing different directions, not making eye contact, because of these modern times we live in, with Candy Crush. "Don't even think about trying to connect with me," I said. "I hate connecting, and also marriage." "Oh, me too, for sure," he said. "It's my least favorite of the institutions."…
Previously in this series (yeah, we're doing all seven): Ayn Rand's Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. “What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?" said Black, with a terrible fury in his face. "Only innocent lives, Peter!" "You don't understand!" whined Pettigrew. "He would have killed me, Sirius!" "THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" roared Black. "DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE…
Hatchet is a 1987 Newbery-award winning novel by Gary Paulsen about a thirteen-year-old boy who survives in the Canadian wilderness for fifty-four days after a plane crash with little more than a hatchet and a sense of desperation. It has sold over two million copies and is beloved by an entire generation. First of all, no, you wouldn't. You're the type of person who takes survival quizzes while you're at work, carefully minimizing the screen…
Anathema didn't only believe in leylines, but in seals, whales, bicycles, rain forests, whole grain in loaves, recycled paper, white South Africans out of South Africa, and Americans out of practically everywhere down to and including Long Island. She didn't compartmentalize her beliefs. They were welded into one enormous, seamless belief, compared with which that held by Joan of Arc seemed a mere idle notion. On any scale of mountain moving it shifted at least…
Previously: Watching Bad Gay Movies With Autostraddle. Rohin Guha is currently executive editor at The Aerogram, an online magazine that provides a variety of South Asian perspectives on popular culture. He lives in Metro Detroit. He also has this really wonderful hairstyle that can perhaps best be described as a "casual pompadour," and he is my friend. Together we watched the inexplicable Touch of Pink. Some key facts: It is in fact named…
hi hi what are you doing i'm very normal and you can trust me you should trust me start trusting me right now ok hiiiiii hey what's up what are you doing you should come over you should come over and hang out with us definitely we could drink stuff out of vials together or whatever hi come over and hang out with us we won't drown you at…
Previously: Every English novel ever. 1. A Philosophical Murder 2. A Washerwoman Is Insulted 3. The Student's Emotional Isolation Is Complete 4. The Estate Is Sold Off 5. Uuuuuughhhh 6. An Argument That Is Mostly In French 7. It's Very Cold Out And Love Does Not Exist Also 8. The Nihilist Buffs His Fingernails While Society Crumbles 9. There Is No God 10. 400 Pages Of A Single Aristocratic Family's Slow, Alcoholic Decline…
This website makes me really happy, and I'm glad that I work here, and I'm glad that you guys visit it. Did you know that Maria Seiferle-Valencia is pretty much the reason our website doesn't crash every day? You should tell her that she is the best, because she is the best. Feel the Burn returned with tips on working out -- SHOULD YOU DESIRE TO DO SO -- in the first trimester of…
A question for everyone who grew up within a Christian tradition: what translation of the Bible did you read, and did you know that Catholics got extra secret Bible, like the first 100 callers for an As Seen on TV product? Conversely, did you Catholics know that Protestants get less Bible than you, and also weren't allowed to get our ears pierced until we were thirteen?
Stop doing everything. Don't say anything or be anything. Get as small as you possibly can without disappearing. Don't exist. Or keep existing, but differently than before. Remember: criticism is the same thing as wholesale condemnation and also murder, so react accordingly. Apologize, but don't really mean it, and plant a seed of secret resentment so deep in your own heart that years later you can't even remember that you're the one who nurtured it…
In 1995, an editor by the name of Michael Berliner released Letters of Ayn Rand to mixed reviews. In 2014, a cat blogger from suburban California rediscovered it. Here is what she found. Are Cats Objectivists? A letter to Cat Fancy magazine "I hope...I will have a chance to see the pictures of my cat"…
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME'…
"I think she's really into it. Another set?" "Yeah, she's definitely really into it. Let's play another set." "Heyyyy." "Hi." "What are you doing?" "Writing a letter." "Haha, yeah, I can see that, awesome, that's awesome...who are you writing to?" "My mother." "Right on, right on..." [stretches] "So what's new?" "I'm actually going to be busy for a while, writing this letter." "Sure, for sure." "Can't really talk right now." "Oh, it's…
