Previously in this series: Honoré de Balzac. 1. A king trusts you to post a letter that may or may not contain high treason. 2. Your friend picks up the handkerchief that your lady has dropped. You demand retribution for this disgusting act of betrayal. 3. You either have a kind, good-hearted father, who is devastated by your misdeeds, or you have a drunken, Napoleon-sympathizing father whom you killed in order to advance…
The thought of pregnant teens getting jacked into carrying pregnancies to term by a shitty lottery draw via the judicial bypass system is so horrifying to me. I've heard the "school nurse won't give my kid an aspirin without my permission, why should they be able to get an abortion" arguments and I'm sorry, the idea of forcing a human to give birth against their will is utterly morally repugnant, whatever their age: The…
Before I start my science-story, let me tell you a little about myself. I’m working on my doctorate in evolutionary neuroscience at Emory University. My research focuses on the anatomical specializations in the human brain that support language and conceptual thought.
“But where’s her degree?!” I hear you folks asking. Don’t worry, guys – even if I am still in grad school, I am a legit serious scientist-lady. Like we’re
Mrs. Bennet, Pride and Prejudice It becomes abundantly clear after the birth of Mary that things are not going to get better; Mr and Mrs Bennet at last have an overdue conversation about the state of their finances and reluctantly agree that trying again and hoping for a boy is a terrible plan of action. With only one overtly ridiculous relative (Mary's much less dour when she's not trying to distinguish herself from four beautiful sisters), Jane has…
If your Dead Mother was not already Dead, no doubt your theatrics would kill her. That was your Dead Mother’s favorite horse. It trampled her to death when it became jealous of her attentions to other creatures. Anyway, it’s yours now. You do not resemble your Dead Mother in the slightest, except for your eyes. Your damned, cursed, pale eyes. Your Dead Mother’s feet were so small, she wept bitterly every time she danced. It…
Previously in this horrible series: Happily Ever After
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To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Jen From: Ali Date: October 3, 2014 Subject: Showerrrrrrrrr Hey Ladies, Can you believe it's October already??! I'm basically addicted to Pumpkin Spice Lattes, it's redic. I know what you're thinking: this is our annual group Halloween costume call to arms email, LOL. Wrong! I'm like 99% sure I'll end up doing a…
Steal the cat, buy the dog. How to get a dog: I hope you get the little guy. You can do it without saying, “You’re horrible people and your dog is suffering.” Just say, “I have become so attached to Chester that I wanted to see if I could adopt him or purchase him. He and I have really bonded, and I’d love to be able to be with him full-time.” Let’s hope they’ve…
The Anita Sarkeesian mess. You can be incensed by a) the threats, b) the invocation of Marc Lepine, and c) the state of Utah's gun laws: The school confirmed Sarkeesian’s explanation in a statement. “During the discussion, Sarkeesian asked if weapons will be permitted at the speaking venue. Sarkeesian was informed that, in accordance with the State of Utah law regarding the carrying of firearms, if a person has…
Lorelai Gilmore (Phil Gordon) "Philippa was a lively personage, infamous for her indecision, and loved wherever she went due to her extreme beauty, mirth and comicality." Sounds about right. Rory Gilmore (Anne of Green Gables) A weakness for reading and braids and hypersensitivity. Paris Gellar (Gilbert Blythe) I should not have to remind you that Paris and Rory are canon.
While out with my sister in her mostly white neighbourhood, we walked by an elderly woman dressed in a velour tracksuit, plastic visor, and sunglasses I’m certain were purchased from an infomercial. She was speed walking but slowly strolled towards us, pulled down her sunglasses, looked us both up and down and hissed, “Jeeeeeezuuus.” It took a few seconds to register exactly what happened, but my sister and I couldn’t continue walking -
DIRTBAG SHAKESPEARE imagines modern remakes of Shakespearean plays with a teenage dirtbag cast. The rest is pretty self-explanatory. Previously: Dirtbag Othello. FALSTAFF: ok so you be you and ill be the king HAL: ok FALSTAFF: you know whose great?? Falstaff (this is me being the king right now ok) HAL: right FALSTAFF: so its the king telling you this not me HAL: right FALSTAFF: falstaff is so great you should never fire that guy ever…
Amy Laburda last wrote about Oklahoma! When I was 14, Rent was important to me in a way I find it hard to overstate. My parents were well used to my latching onto a musical and playing the cast recording over and over again. But when I had been toting around Phantom of the Opera five years earlier, I didn’t need a perfectly trained memory to know when to turn down the volume so…
Tanuja Desai Hidier is the author of Born Confused— the first-ever South Asian American coming-of-age novel. Born Confused’s sequel, Bombay Blues, is out now. So is the accompaniment/‘booktrack.’ We got a chance to talk to her about life, writing and more. Does Bombay Blues pick up where Born Confused left off? Bombay Blues takes place about two and a half years after Born Confused’s summer when Dimple turns seventeen. However, in my…
