ByNicole and Mallory

Nicole and Mallory are the Editors of The Toast.

  1. If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. – Eds. The Toast Approves of the Following Things: 1. Key & Peele 2. Thanksgiving starches, esp. stuffing 3. Books about fictional characters, a la Havisham or Grendel 4. Cheeseburgers 5. The episode of Archer where…

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  2. Previous installments of The Toast’s advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons can be found here. Last time: Cultural Appropriation. I have recently started seeing a Gentleman Caller. Things have not progressed too far, but they have progressed rather more quickly than I expected. This concerns me because I come with a decent amount of baggage. Like, sexual-trauma-related-mental-health-issues baggage that I am actively working on, but nevertheless seems like would be relevant…

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  3. You were promised an intense and fevered discussion of bad gay movies; now you shall reap the whirlwind. We begin with 2001's Lost and Delirious, a truly terrible movie about girls falling in love at the world's least carefully monitored boarding school. First, let us meet the cast of characters. Myself and Nicole you already know. From our Autostraddlin' counterparts: "Riese Bernard, Laneia Jones and Rachel Kincaid are the editors of Autostraddle, where they write…

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  4. If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. - Eds. The Toast Approves of the Following Things: 1. Target. 2. Hiding multiple lip balms around your home. 3. Comfortable shoes. 4. Articles/books/zines/tattoos about lesbian separatism. 5. Getting things framed. The Toast Disapproves…

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  5. From left to right: Nicole Cliffe, Baby Cliffe, Self, Sister of Self Laura Ortberg Turner (colloquially known as The Moose, for reasons that have been lost to time). Pictured in background: a great deal of Klondike bars, as this selfie was taken at the frozen novelties aisle at Target.

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  6. Everyone else does it, why shouldn't we? Tell us your stories of the paranormal and creepy! Remember, ghosts are totally real and not-real.

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  7. Previous installments of The Toast’s advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons can be found here. Last time: Death. I am marrying my absolute favorite person in the world next year. It's wonderful, glorious, I'm brimming with happiness, blah blah blah wedding planning is hard, blah blah blah, but there is a specific point of etiquette I'd like to ask about, and I don't have any real-life people to ask who won't…

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  8. We're giving The Bartender a week off (s/he has all those glasses to wash) and taking over Cocktail Hour to let you know that the very first Official Toast Meetup will be taking place in and around San Francisco on the evening of November 4th.

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  9. Dr. Spaceman, Grizz, and Dot Com are not minor characters, shut your mouth. 26. Howard Jorgensen "I was a lot like you. I dressed poorly, had bad posture, walked around with lettuce in my hair. And I cursed like a sailor. But Jack saw potential in me. He changed my life." Howard is the Liz-who-might-have-been, the Liz who took Jack's advice instead okay, theof resisting him every step of the way. She lives with Gretchen…

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  10. Nicole Cliffe (The Toast): We’ve literally been in business two months now, so anything I say in terms of its prescriptive power is ridiculous because it’s like we’re those people in 1992 who are like, “Who wants to buy spatulas online?” Until we’re profitable, I don’t think what I have to say has much relevance to this conversation.

    But we pay everybody.

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  11. Mallory's visit to Utah draws to a close tomorrow morning, with the ceremonial feeding and petting of miniature horses with naturally ombre manes and forelocks, and her absence will be sorely felt. We have been spending our afternoons reading submissions and writing and editing while we simultaneously watch scary movies on Netflix Instant, which is, like wine and cheese, a pairing for champions.

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  12. Gabbin' About God, in which Mallory uses her religious background to explain things to Nicole, most recently featured atonement theory. Mallory, can we talk about the Devil today? I was thinking about the Old Scratch because of Scalia's constant need to advocate on his behalf, and I'd love to know a little more about how he fits into Christian theology. Why is God supposed to have created him in the first place,…

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  13. If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. - Eds. The Toast Approves of the Following Things: 1. Taran Wanderer. 2. Taran Killam. 3. The new commercials with the "lazy phone" guy. 4. Dear Prudie. 5. Tea with milk. The Toast Disapproves of the Following Things: 1. Robert…

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  14. You may or may not have noticed that The Toast's official Twitter account (accept no imitations!) featured a brief call for female scientists last week. After it was RT'd eleventy billion (we're not scientists) times, and we got a ton of emails from, like, dudes who don't even read The Toast, we decided to talk a little more specifically about what we're looking for. Our dream is to have a recurring science column authored…

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  15. Previously: A Mouse, An Interloper. Mallory has gone to Utah to visit Nicole, and Utah has thus far lived up to all expectations. We will be providing you with semi-regular updates of our adventures together, because life is short and time is fleeting. This week, a small child voluntarily spoke my name aloud and then settled herself into my lap, because I am not completely lost to better things. To be more specific, the…

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