All the popular etymologies are lies. No, "tips" does not come from To Insure Prompt Service, so tell that guy to shut up. All of the other things are lies too.
This is the story of how an awkward, funny-looking teenager became an awkward (funny-looking but working it) woman who loves make-up, nail art and all things sparkly. Now, darlings, when I say I was awkward, I feel like you don't yet understand the severity of the situation. Please see conclusive evidence below:
Is that clearer now? May I direct your attention to the glasses which covered approximately 99% of my face?
Until the world is finally given a Room 237-style documentary about the filming of Wet Hot American Summer (or, at the very least, the sequel we have been teasingly promised), we will have to make do with what we have. Here is a partial but by no means exhaustive list of the intentional errors, callbacks, and foreshadowing I found in a recent rewatching of our generation's Airplane! 0:33 - Susie tries to kiss Ben, who turns away…
Previous entries in the DUI series can be found here. The night I was arrested on my first drunk driving offense, I was chauffeuring a car full of teenagers and a 30-pack of beer from a keg party on the eastern outskirts of town to another keg party on the western outskirts of town. As I drove along Highway 16, I turned my attention from the road to the center console, scanning…
Previous installments of “Feel the Burn” can be found here. Most recently, we talked about that aggro fitspo picture on Facebook. From the mailbag this week: Would you be open to addressing stretching or somehow limbering up in your Feel the Burn column? Context: I run as my primary form of exercise (not a lot, never quickly, just 4-5 miles every other day), and I rarely ever do weights or stretch or yoga.
uuuuuuugghhhh my life
what is it?
what's wrong? uuuuuuuugh
is there something specific that's the matter?
or anything I can do to help? uuuugh my liiiiife
do you want me to come over? uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghhhhh
Joni is 70, which means we only have at least 50-60 more years with her. Please enjoy this classic interview, and a carefully-curated selection of videos of Joni Mitchell being perfect and then one video of a different cool dame covering "Down to You," which is the best song by the best person in the world. This is also your annual reminder to stop whatever you're doing and buy Sheila Weller's triple biography…
The world has lost a great milliner and a cool lady.
*
Modern Farmer has an incredible piece by an undocumented farm worker, the first in a series:
The work is hard — but many jobs are hard. The thing that bothers me more is the low pay. With cherries, you earn $7 for each box, and I’ll fill 30 boxes in a day — about
You were promised an intense and fevered discussion of bad gay movies; now you shall reap the whirlwind. We begin with 2001's Lost and Delirious, a truly terrible movie about girls falling in love at the world's least carefully monitored boarding school. First, let us meet the cast of characters. Myself and Nicole you already know. From our Autostraddlin' counterparts: "Riese Bernard, Laneia Jones and Rachel Kincaid are the editors of Autostraddle, where they write…
A follow-up question to yesterday's post about alternate worlds with sentient animals: is the Redwall universe coterminous with our own? That is to say, do humans exist somewhere near Mossflower County? Are the scattered animal strongholds of Salamandastron and Redwall Abbey more like the Shire in Middle-Earth, which is populated exclusively by non-humans but perfectly aware of the existence of humans, or are they more like The Wind in the Willows, where humans have been entirely replaced by…
You Can Take It In Spades At the blood donation center I am my most brave self and it is early early, but I’ve been up for a while. I had to eat breakfast, a strange undertaking. I stood over the sink chewing a chunk of baguette that did not want to go down. Remember when I bet you twenty dollars you couldn’t eat a slice of Wonder Bread in under a minute? The nurse…
Even after shedding the trappings of my childhood religion and becoming functionally atheist, certain events can still inspire religious fear or guilt. For example, not attending sunrise services on Easter will sometimes suckerpunch me with guilt -- who am I to buck 2,000 years of tradition just to sleep in? A friend of mine who was raised Jewish feels a constant tension between her actual beliefs and her familial obligations on major holidays. And then…
Scientists, who should know, would like to report after years of exhaustive study that all of the ice is fine and there's no need for you to come see for yourself. Don't come to where the ice is. Don't come to where the north ice is, don't come to where the south ice is. You can trust us. We'll tell you where the ice is: the same place it's always been, just like normal. What's…
Renata Adler's Speedboat (Amazon | NYRB Classics) chronicles the misadventures of a student at a woman's college who (illegally) owns an alligator, the Celtic knot of French wait-in-this-line-to-wait-in-this-line bureaucracy, a speedboat journey that leads to a broken back, and the inability of bougie under-40s to contribute meaningfully to charitable work. I could just as easily say that Speedboat examines the artifice of the campaign trail, the circle-jerk of academia, and the odd line that dictates male…
Once again inspired by Friend of The Toast Emily Gould. (Previously: Male Novelist Jokes.)
National Novel Writing Month November 1-30 | "NaNoWriMo: The world needs your novel." National Novel Writing Month November 1-30 | "NaNoWriMo: They're all gonna laugh at you." National Novel Writing Month November 1-30 | "NaNoWriMo: Cool story, bro." National Novel Writing Month November 1-30 | "NaNoWriMo: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work…
