(To the tune of "Piano Man") Now Paul is a real-estate novelist Who never had time for a wife His first novel, Mortgaging Murder, was released to little critical fanfare in 1983 Paul has never gotten a speeding ticket or been on a date He loves to attend comic conventions Each year at Emerald City he dresses as Dream from Sandman Sandman is Paul’s all-time favorite comic book If you want to know the real…
This post is brought to you by MyEvilTwin, and is spiritually dedicated to the eternal majesty of the late Edward Gorey and also how much we don't like Elf on a Shelf.
A small, white room, with a merry, crackling fire in the center. The fire appears to rest upon nothing in particular, while consuming only itself. There are two empty chairs: one is silver, and one is white. Next to the silver chair is a small mandolin. Although there is no door, a WOMAN enters the room. She is seven feet tall, covered in robes and pelts of a thousand different shades, with hot eyes and…
Watching Game of Thrones is an interesting undertaking if you're a woman who likes women. One the one hand: hey, a fantasy series with lots of distinct female characters who are, on the whole, about as developed as you’re likely to get in a mainstream franchise set in a world that draws a significant amount of inspiration from ye olde chattel days. On the other hand: seven hells, does a lot of woman-hating happen on…
First: Required viewing. Bruce Willis stood alone on a balcony inside the abandoned Los Angeles Planet Hollywood. Visions drifted like haunting melodies beneath the fierce protection of a taut, gleaming scalp. Bruce looked down towards the decrepit dining room and saw the grandeur that once was: a galaxy-print carpet out front, lit up with Tinseltown's biggest stars. Matching black satin Planet Hollywood jackets reflecting wave after wave of flashbulbs. All this dazzling frenzy leading…
For reference. "Excuse me," he asked quietly, "Is this seat taken?" She looked up, lusciously, from the New York Times (but in German) and blinked, still lusciously, before smiling. "No, please go ahead." He sat down and smiled back. "So," he said, "is the coffee any good here?" She let the Times (still in German) drop to her (still luscious) lap. "No," she said. "And I blame--" "--the Internet," he finished, almost unconsciously, until he realized they'd both…
Judges 4:4-21. And the Lord threw Sisera and all his chariots and all his army into a panic before Barak; Sisera got down from his chariot and fled away on foot, while Barak pursued the chariots and the army to Harosheth-ha-goiim. All the army of Sisera fell by the sword; no one was left. At that time Deborah, a prophetess, wife of Lappidoth, was judging Israel. She used to sit under the palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel…
For previous installments in our series of fan fictions about the actors who play Sherlock Holmes, click here. Year: 2013 Place: London Smaller place: Ye Olde Mitre Smallest place: A table for three, with the two friends seated next to each other, sweetly, and the reporter across. REPORTER: How remarkable that you two know each other! NICOLE: Yes! Because he died, or so we were all led to believe. You should have seen the…
Simon. Simon. You need to get up. It's almost eleven, for crying out loud. You missed breakfast, by the way. Your sister's already at work. Listen--scoot over, Simon, make room--I remember how upset you were--don't be dramatic, Simon, I'm your mother; it's nothing I haven't seen, scoot over--I remember how upset you were when we told you we couldn't send you to that wizard boarding school. I know it's been hard on you, but we…
