1. You’re on a desert island. You look down at the parachute next to you. What color is it?
a) Bluish b) Reddish c) Greenish d) None of the above 2. For years, you scoffed that skydiving was a generic way to have an adventure — as uninspired as bungee jumping or getting a tattoo during spring break in Daytona Beach. You insisted that people should make their own adventures, not just plunk down a…
Previous installments of The Toast’s advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons can be found here. Last time: Advice on Crisis Pregnancy Centers and Abusive Family Members. I was wondering what the polite response is in a work environment for "I like you, work-friend, but please do not come into my office and sit down to chat about your diet / our crazy clients at this particular juncture because…
Now that I’ve gotten to where I am, a lot of people come to me and ask for advice, and the most common question is, “What steps should I take to be a successful customer service agent?” And the first thing I do is ask them back, do you mean someone who likes to do a little customer service on the side once in a while? Or do you mean a real, full-time, support-yourself type of customer service agent? Because there’s nothing wrong with the former. A…
Mark Kowgier 59 Diego Cres. Grimsby Ontario CA 905-321-7325 x Ask My Mother For Mark mark.kowgier@askjeeves.com To Whom It May Concern, My name is Mark Kowgier, and I humbly ask that you please consider this application for ________________ at _________________. I believe, nay, I know, with all my heart, that ________________________ is the exact job I was born to do. And to highlight the endless amount of innumerable reasons why, here are…
In the place of a Dark Lord you would have two Queens! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love us and despair! Ortberg and Cliffe split ownership equally with the publisher, Nick Pavich, who prefers to remain behind the scenes. “I want to be the only white male in history who’s not offering an opinion about [the HBO…
Sulagna Misra has previously predicted both The Olympics and The Oscars of The Future. This past year, due to graduating with my Master’s degree and moving across the country, my work and living situation was constantly changing, so my taxes were not straightforward (are they ever?) Having severe paranoia about taxes thanks to its use as a trigger word during every political campaign since I was in fifth grade, I’ve done some research…
A camera panning over a lush, green California landscape paired with a saccharine female commercial voiceover: I was certain we were heading somewhere similar to Hidden Valley, the mythical birthplace of ranch dressing, when this ad started to play. About fifteen seconds in, I was horrified to find that the voice belonged to the Sun-Maid Raisins Girl -- but not the radiant version I had grown up with. This woman was creepy and
Amy Collier last wrote for The Toast about the wonderful world of Disney word searches. When I say "Major" you say "Laser!" Major _ _ _ _ Major _ _ _ _ Everybody hands up! Hands up! Hands up! If you love paninis make some noise right now. When I say dance, everybody go this way, and this way, and this way. I want to see everyone feel the sweet nostalgia of a homemade…
If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. – Eds. The Toast Approves of the Following Things: 1. TRAINS. 2. Kristen Stewart, no matter what she does. 3. Katharine Hepburn's queerness as canon.
Andrea Laurion last wrote about her job writing obituaries, and how she consequently ruined Christmas.
I was working away at my computer when the office manager came by my cubicle pushing a black office chair, wrapped in plastic. "Andrea, your new chair is in."
I didn't remember signing up for a new chair, but if she said I did, I'll take it, though not before getting more information first. "Is it new…
Does anyone else remember how videochatting just came into our lives without any fanfare? I mean really, that is some Jetsons-level futuristic tech. Infinite Jest hinged its entire perception of the future on our reaction to finally being able to do it, but at some point in college everyone seemed to have Skype and it was no big deal.
And yet we complain that we are too far in the past. Sure there
At the start of 2013–years ago, really–I started Sorry House. Imagined as a community collective (I was, after all, a year younger) and re-imagined several times with several different names, like high schoolers starting a band, it quickly became a very self-driven thing. I’ve rejected a lot and assimilated more. I’ve seen my books go from PDF to featured in Vice, Paper, Nylon, and The Rumpus, from my desk to the windows of McNally…
Claire. Claire. Listen to me Claire, just listen. This is a good opportunity Claire, not a lot of people would be able to get this experience. Think of all of the things you could do with this experience, such as telling other people about your experience. Don’t you like conversations, Claire? Don’t you appreciate the human need for interaction? This is a good opportunity, Claire, and there are dozens of other young people who would…
Locked in a bitter competition with Crayola and 3M, the Mr. Sketch marker company was searching for an edge to corner the elementary school coloring market. The brightest minds in the marker industry were assembled to design the new product, and the resulting innovation was destined to change the business forever: Mr. Sketch Scented Markers. The only problem was figuring out which smells would go with each color. For the first time ever, we are…
